Does it bother you if you do not have sex for a long period of time?
What is a long period of time to you?
I honestly feel like I could live without sex and be perfectly happy. I enjoy being with my husband.I enjoy our family time with the children. I enjoy watching tv alone with him. Yet, I do not miss sex. I can honestly say I very rarely think about it. Sometimes I may watch a movie, or a soap opera and see a romantic sex scene. Sometimes I think oh how nice that would be, but then I never think about it again.
Could you live with out sex? How long could you is long enough for you?

By Anonymous on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 02:33 pm:

I could probably live without the actual act of sex yes but not the other lol.Sorry i don't know how to phrase it without saying haveing an orgasm.

By Yjja123 on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 02:36 pm:

A week is a long time for me. It is not all about the big O to me. It is about connecting with my hubby. I think that is vital in a relationship and I am not above scheduling it in

By Trina~moderator on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 02:38 pm:

I could live without sex per se, but I couldn't live without being intimate with DH. Although it is a small part of the grand scheme of marriage, it is an important one. It is something private and special between the two of us that we share and enjoy very much. Last year I had surgery that required refraining from sex for 6-8 weeks. When the nurse told us DH and I looked at each other like this - LOL! Of course we would have dealt with it if need be, but we were very relieved to get the green light from my doctor 2 weeks later. If we have gone a few weeks without cuddling or lovemaking for whatever reason, I start to feel disconnected and not as close to DH. If we're unable to have sex for medical or physical reasons, we will find other ways to be intimate. We feel it's an important bond between us and couldn't imagine stopping the romance or living as roommates.

Have you had your hormone levels checked? Are you happily married?

By Anonymous on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 02:52 pm:

HHmmmm...I'll answer it this way...

If my DH didn't get sex from me, he'd find it elsewhere. And, I wouldn't blame him. I like sex and it's fun for me, but I take care of myself and my body. I find that the healthier I am, the more "sexual" I feel. We usually don't go longer than 10 days without it.

By Reds9298 on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 04:15 pm:

Ditto Trina and Yvonne exactly! I really enjoy sex and the intimacy with my DH. It's very emotional for me first, and then physical. For me it's also about being intimate and close with DH, and I can't go one week without cuddle time. If we go 2 weeks without sex, I'm getting crabby and scheduling it in ASAP! LOL Anything over 2 weeks without sex would be pretty bad for me. It seems like the intimacy we share is what actually makes us a couple...that special something we share that is just ours. I couldn't live as roommates. If for whatever reason we have had a lull (sickness, female issues, LIFE sometimes) I absolutely hate it and we make a point to spend some time alone.

I also agree with the last Anon in that the better you feel about yourself the more sexual you feel. That kind of confidence is a turn-on to your spouse as well, so it's beneficial to everyone.

By Karen~admin on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 04:27 pm:

I've found that as we have gotten older, we have sex a bit less often than we did 10 years ago. However, I wouldn't want to live without it, and I certainly couldn't live without some sort of intimacy with my DH. We cuddle every single night. We laugh a lot in bed too, which I think is very important. We touch often, even if it's just passing each other in a room. We hug and kiss every day. We tell each other *I love you* at least once every day.

I think we have a very close relationship, and even if we aren't having sex every night or even every week, we share intimate moments on a daily basis.

Physical/medical/emotional/work issues all play parts in the frequency of your sex life so at some point, I think most of us have to *go without* for periods, small or large. But I'd be concerned if my DH had no desire for me, and if I had no desire for him.

It's true, your marriage is not *all about sex*, but it IS a vital part of a good marriage, and is what makes your relationship special and different from all others, IMO.

If you truly feel you could live without sex, I am inclined to say get yourself checked out - if your hormone levels are not what they should be (which happens to every one of us eventually), your libido suffers. And if it's not a physical reason you don't have desire, then I feel sorry that you feel the way you do, and would suggest counseling for you.

By Anonymous on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 04:43 pm:

If it has been more than a week, we are both grumpy. Typically after two or three days, we both find a way to make it happen. We have had times we go longer due to circumstances. But we kiss daily and snuggle each night. When he travels on business it is very hard for me. I am the more sexual between us, just hugging isn't enough for me.

By Vicki on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 06:35 pm:

I could go without the act of sex for quite a long time if need be. But I agree with the others that I couldn't go that long without some kind of intimacy between us. It just makes me feel so connected to him for some reason. Don't get me wrong, sex is nice, but I think I enjoy the feeling after it even more. Just laying in his arms and feeling so close. I think that is just as good as the act of sex. I think I would miss that feeling more than the act. Does that make any sense? LOL

By Anonymous on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 06:42 pm:

I think 5 days is the longest we go without, unless I'm on my period then it is 7 or 8 days. And of course when I was recouperating from giving birth. We enjoy sex. It does'nt matter if it is a "quickie" or a longer session, and I don't have to orgasm to enjoy it! Last year my dh bought me a "toy" LOL We bring this out together sometimes to spice things up, and sometimes watch adult movies [about 1 time every 3-4 months]. We kiss on a daily basis with at least one of these being a "deep" kiss. He is always horny LOL More so than I am. I have a hard time cleaning house around him because God forbid I bend over in front of him! He hoots and hollers like a teenager. We've been together for 13 years, married for 12 and our sex life is at it's best! Now, that has'nt always been the case. I went through post-partum depression after my last baby, that combined with the depro shot that I started [not currently taking] I was VERY depressed. The thought of intimacy of any kind made me literally upset at my stomach. That lasted about 2-3 months then one day I just felt like I snapped out of it. I also agree that the way you feel about your self/body raises your sex drive. My dh has lost about 55 pounds and I've lost about 25 in the last year and half....believe me that has helped bunches!

By Dawnk777 on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 07:21 pm:

I couldn't live without it. Like Trina said, it helps me feel connected to my DH. He gets so stressed out about work, and other stuff, that sometimes he isn't interested, so we have dry spells, now and then, but we eventually get back together and are intimate again.

He comes home from work, after I go to bed, usually, and he often falls asleep in the basement, so I don't get quite as much snuggling as I would like, sometimes, but other times we make up for it. He works second shift, so we have mornings together, often, without the kids around. Sometimes we have sex and sometimes we just snuggle.

By Luvn29 on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 07:27 pm:

We usually have it at least twice a week. It usually isn't "romantic". It's a need! LOL! It is definitely a connection thing with me, but we definitely don't "make love"!!! Even when I was very sick, we still had it at least once a week. It isn't necessarily a long session, actually, it rarely is. I just like to intimately connect with him in a way that no other person can connect with either of us.

But, I think it is up to the couple. I do think it is important that BOTH partners are happy with their sex life. Sex doesn't make a marriage, but I think an intimate connection does.

By Cocoabutter on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 08:50 pm:

The orgasm is the most exciting part of being a woman, and life is too short to live without it.

By Latonya on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 09:33 pm:

We don't have sex much during the week. Maybe 2 times but on the weekend we may have sex 4 or more times. I love to have sex with my DH. It is a physial connection that only we share. If we do not do it for awhile we both get grumpy. If one of us is sick or it is that time of the month then we make up for it later and during that time of the month I do "other things" for him. My DH wants it all the time. He is usually tired during the week but will still want it a least a couple times. I think I want it almost as much as he does. It is also a great stress reliever. I think that while sex is only one part of a marriage it is a wonderful part. A time for you and your DH to connect in a way that only you and he can do.
On another note, I didn't like sex very much until I was with DH. Before it was just a way to keep someone around and make sure they weren't getting it somewhere else. Orgasms were few and far between and now there are usually multipe ones almost everytime. I think that the love we have for each other makes the difference for me. In my past marriages it seemed like everyday was a fight especially the last one. Either a fight to make them love me and stay home with me or a fight about money or kids or whatever but it was an everyday thing and that is not much of a turn on. Now me and DH hardly ever fight. There are still money problems and kids and things but we talk about it and deal with it but not fight about it.
I agree totally with Cocoabutter. Orgasms are an exciting part of being a woman and life it too short to go without it.

By Reds9298 on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 10:24 pm:

Ditto Cocoabutter, although I know it is difficult for some women and let's face, he needs to know what he's doing for it to happen. I think with regard to orgasms, if it's not happening for you or if it never happens, then you have to tell your guy what you want/need. Got a little sidetracked...

Karen, D-I-T-T-O!!

By Anonymous on Monday, April 30, 2007 - 11:52 pm:

My DH was never much for sex because he suffers from depression. I got married young and he was my first and only, so I didn't know that sex is a "skill" and that some men are a lot better at it than others. He was never a very skillful or caring lover. It was always over very quickly. I didn't even know that women could have orgasms DURING sex, or that there was such a thing as foreplay. I always thought that it was something that was self-induced. I used to crave the closeness and cuddling, too, but because of his depression, he frequently used to push me away. It hurt a lot because I personalized it, and didn't realize how sick he was. Going outside my marriage for sex was never an option, nor was divorce. I am just grateful that I got my kids. I consider it a miracle because sex never happened much.

Over the years I have lost my desire for sex. I guess knowing that things won't get any better with him, I have just accepted it. It is actually a blessing not to have a sex drive anymore because I don't miss it, but sometimes I resent him for what I missed, even though it isn't his fault.

Those of you who have loving, caring hubby's, you are blessed indeed.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - 05:08 am:

I get a little grumpy if I haven't made love with my DH in a while. I kind of resent it actually because I'm still in my 30's and I feel that there will be a time in my life when I'm A LOT OLDER when I won't want it at all, so even if I have to initiate it, I'm having sex.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - 06:59 am:

I have concluded what is a normal amount of sex for one couple, is not a normal amount for another. I think if the couple is satisfied with the amount of sex they are having, whether it be 2 times a month or 2 times a week, is all that matters.
In the beginning of our marriage, we had sex more often. As the years went by, more problems came up. I get stressed out very easily. After we started having kids, I got more and more stressed. I tend to hold things in a lot and dwell on stuff.I am so tired by the end of the night, after the last child goes to bed, all I want to do is sleep. We never go to bed at the same time. I get annoyed if my husband comes to bed when I do, just to have sex.We normally do not spend alone time together, as he is doing his own things. We do a lot of family time together which is important. I go to bed early, he stays up late. I just do not like the idea of coming to bed early just to have sex. If you can not spend any quality time alone with me(without having sex)do not expect sex.

By Juli4 on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - 09:22 am:

I don't like to go more than a week although we have at times. We have had our share of problems with sex, but most of it was communication and really was resolved outside of the bedroom first. I find it a great stress reliever even if it is a quickie. We don't have sex a lot Mon-Thurs because dh works and we are both so tired (we have 4 children 6 and under), but on the weekends it is like 3 times. After 6 years of marriage we are just now getting more adventurous. I never wore lingerie and have only recently started to. It seems awkward for me, but we are trying new things. As our relationship has improved so has our sex life.

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 - 09:49 am:

Last Anon - you said If you can not spend any quality time alone with me(without having sex)do not expect sex. I agree with that - to a point. My X did that. Our marriage had deteriorated to the point where he didn't have 2 words to say to me throughout the course of our day or night - needless to say, he did NOTHING to help out with the kids (4 of them!) after work while I did laundry, cooked, cleaned, made sure homework was done, baths were done, etc. So there was a lot of resentment on *my* part.

He, on the other hand, came home, took to eating his dinner on the couch in front of the TV while the rest of us ate at the table, then he'd flop himself in the bed by 7 PM and watch TV, while I'd take care of everything, and then when I'd fall into bed totally exhausted at 10 PM, he would wake up from his evening nap and expect sex. So I understand your feelings. NO woman that I know would be excited about having sex with a man who basically doesn't give her the time of day for anything else.

BUT - you have to communicate to him that this is a problem for you! Otherwise, nothing is going to change. And it took time for this to happen, so it will take time for it to change. I can remember telling my X that what he was doing made me feel like a *****, only I wasn't getting paid. His feeling was, a good romp in the hay would solve our problems - he actually TOLD me that sex would solve the problems in our marriage. WRONG!

I think the bottom line here is, the frequency of sex is different for every couple, and I also think that sex is important in a good marriage. But all the other things that lead up to it are equally important - and you have to have on-going/consistent emotional and physical intimacy between the two of you if you are to have a good sex life.

And if you DON'T have that, then it's up to you to do something to change it - so communication is the key, and if you aren't interested in communicating those things to your spouse, then it really says something about the total state of your relationship to begin with.