make friends. My almost 11 yo DD has a hard time making friends. This year it has been worse and I truly believe that part of it has been the teacher. She dislikes DD and I'm convinced that when the children see that the teacher dislikes her, why should they be nice.

But the problem was there before this year. I think she so desperately wants friends that she tries too hard and sometimes she may be too bosy.

We currently have a student from France staying with us for 3 weeks. DD was so excited to have her come. She was so looking for a friend. The thing is, I am able to read some french and have discovered that she doesn't really like DD. They were playing with some neighbourhood kids (who don't normally give DD the time of day). At the end of the play date, DD came home crying saying that she felt left out. I spoke to the french student and she told me that DD has no friends and no one likes her. I think she is forming her opinion based on what some of the other kids have said. DD isn't the most popular girl in class but she truly does have a heart of gold.

What have I done as a parent to stunt her ability to make friends and how can I fix this problem?

By Mom2three1968 on Saturday, April 28, 2007 - 07:10 am:

Oh Paula,


I'm so sorry to hear that your little girl is having such a hard time. I don't have any advice, I didn't have an easy time in school either when i was little. I had a few friends but kids generally picked on me and gave me a hard time. I know how your little sweetheart feels. Maybe someone else can give you some good advice. (((((HUGS)))))

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, April 28, 2007 - 11:37 am:

{{{HUGS}}} The first thing I would do is try to answer the question, "Why do people not like my DD?" It may be something as simple as her needing help with social skills. It's not necessarily anything you did or did not do. Many kids need help in this area.

A good start would be to read social skills books with her. That should open up some interesting discussions and role plays. I'm not familiar with any of these titles, but some look promising.
Amazon.com - Kids, Social Skills

This book has been helpful with my DD. We read it together and have had some interesting chats.
The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, April 28, 2007 - 12:43 pm:

She also might need some confidence and time outside of class with kids. Possibly a summer camp or an extracurricular activity? That's where most friends are made...
Sorry she's going through this!!

By Rayelle on Saturday, April 28, 2007 - 06:32 pm:

I have no advice, just wanted to express empathy to you and dd. I had a horrible time with other girls at that age, especially at a new school in 5th grade. I know my mother had a hard time in helping me. Good luck. I'd be interested to know how things go. I hope it turns around for her.

By Nicki on Saturday, April 28, 2007 - 09:44 pm:

Everyone has given such good advice. I was shy and highly sensitive while in school, so I also had a hard time socially. I know I lacked the skills and confidence to make friends. I found it much easier to make friends in small group situations. At school I was a loner, but I had an easier time relaxing at Sunday school as the classes were small and more intimate. Does she have any interests or hobbies that might open up opportunities that would involve getting together with others?
My heart goes out to your dd. Please let us know how things go. I honestly don't think you have done anything to stunt her ability to make friends. I think some of us are just more relaxed and easy going socially than others. I have a feeling my dd is going to be a lot like me. I will probably be asking this same question years from now!

By Paulas on Sunday, April 29, 2007 - 12:04 am:

Thanks for the help ladies. I'm going to try to get that book mentioned.

I think she tries too hard. She is somewhat clingy and as I said, often wants things her way. I'm thinking of sending her to camp this summer. She used to be involved in girl guides but decided this year that she didn't want to be in it anymore. She isn't great at sports although next winter she wants to try girls hockey. I hope that works out for her.

As soon as our french student leaves I'm going to work harder at inviting some girls over for playdates. I work full time and often am too tired on the weekends to have friends over. I need to make more of an effort.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, April 29, 2007 - 07:20 am:

I have no advice, Paula, having seen one of my sons suffer from the same issues and having no solutions then or now. I will say that your little French visitor is clearly ill-mannered and poorly raised. Since when does one leave one's host/ess out of one's play with others? That is appalling behavior.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, April 29, 2007 - 09:12 am:

Paula, look into small groups that would be harder for her to be singled out in.. Reading groups, through the library. Crafting groups, through a local fabric store. Swim lessons.. Day camps... Need to work on her personal skills and establishing her self confidence.. Things that can carry over into her school life..