Book on Marriage
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2007:
Book on Marriage
My dh and I have been arguing a lot lately. He's really in a funk. He's not in a good mood very often. I try to help him and he doesn't want to talk about it or when he does talk about it and I respond, he thinks that I'm blaming him.
Last night he was saying that he was tired of having the weight of the world on his shoulders. Meaning that he knows that I rely on him for bringing home the bacon, since I'm a SAHM. His parents rely on him for stuff and hte kids do to. I asked him if he wanted me to get a job and he said no.
I was trying to let him know that he is not alone and that a lot of men probably feel that way. Well he got all mad and said that I wasn't helping him and that I was blaming him or something. I really didn't understand it. Every time I open my mouth he gets defensive one way or another. It's really killing me. I"m to the point where I don't even want to talk to him anymore.
Another complaint he has is that he tells me that I have no passion. I ask him what does he want me to do that is passionate, and he has no answer. I have no clue anymore.
He looks at me like he hates me. He's just angry or depressed and I want to help but he doesn't let me.
I know someone has posted about a book that really helped their Marriage. I did a search for it and didn't find it. Could you let me know what book it was?
((((Anon)))
Two good books not everyone will agree with.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
"Dr. Gary Chapman reveals how different personalities express love in different ways. In fact, there are five specific languages of love - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch."
The other book, I just got done reading is.
7 Things He'll never tell you by Dr. Kevin Leman.
This book you might not agree with and almost feels like you're handling your husband like something so fragile it might break. But he describes how almost every man feels, thinks and why they act the way they do. Most women will think after reading this book "just grow up men." However, after losing many family loved ones I believe we should live for the moment and give 110% of ourselves to the people we love. He also goes unto explain that the more we give mentally, physically and emotionally to our husband the more he will respond mentally, physcially and emotionally.
I used to work outside the home 10-14 hours a day and was a royal you know what. I treated most people bad because I was constantly tired, hated my job, etc. So I know the flip side also.
I have tried this book which speaks on your huband's needs respect, fulfilled and to be needed.
Dh's birthday was Monday and instead of buying him a card I typed him a letter and explained how he did all 3 of those things for me. After reading the letter, it brought tears to his eyes.
It's funny, we women think we are the emotional ones, but men aren't as thicked skinned as they claim to be.
You can help in the small simple ways.
It is not easy and it does take a lot of mental and physical work to start thinking about ways to help him.
I do not agree with all of the book and sometimes it made me downright angry, but I had to look at my side and how I feel and how we all have an inner child.
When husbands come home (and wives) we want a place of solitude and sanctuary. It's not alway easy, but we want to know our home, once the door is closed the outside world stays outside and we can relax within those four walls.
Dh works alot and sometimes comes home mad. I know it is not about me but sometimes I take it personally, like he should always be in a good mood. (He works with emotionally disturbed children in public schools.) I usually just let him go for 15 minutes to 1/2 hour and then ask him if he'd like to talk and he usually does, he's better afterwards.
We also figured out sometimes we 'pick on each other.' Teasing or other stupid things which can get annoying. But what we really want out of each other is attention from each other but we don't outright ask it because it almost seems childish. Now we just tell each other I want a hug, etc. The picking has stopped and it is quite different and a refreshing change.
Thank you Marg. I will look up those books right away and order them from the library.
If you ever need anyone to talk to you can email me.
e l v a f r o m p a @ y a h o o . c o m
I have never read it, but I have heard good things from the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Someone on this site mentioned it before. I hope things get better soon. (((hugs)))
The Five Love Languages is a great book 
Good luck to you!
Another fan of "The Five Love Languages". It didn't save my marriage, but it is a fabulous book if both of you are willing to follow it. (((((HUGS)))))
Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands may be the one you are thinking of. Right now you don't know what will reach him, and this book will help you to help your husband feel more complete and appreciated. I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Proper Care and Feeding... totally transformed my marriage. It is a must read.
Anon, every marriage has its real highs and real lows. I know that you know that and I'm so glad that you want to help your dh. You are being a great wife because you love him and want to help him.
When those times have come in my marriage, I think back to the times that I did things for him when we were dating and first married and do them. The book about the love languages can help you try to remember and identify the ways your dh perceives & feels love the best. COMPLIMENT COMPLIMENT COMPLIMENT. That is a hard one for me as I get soo tied up with the kids I don't do that enough. Thanks for the reminder. LOL
Don't be afraid to ask God to help you know how to support your dh right now. Marriage is important to Him and He'll help you. Your marriage will be soo much stronger when you get through this.
As far as passion goes, you can pray for that one too, especially since your needs are probably not being met so you can give him the passion he wants as he is not able to recognize and give that to you right now.
You can do it! Years from now you'll both look back on this and be thankful for what it taught you and how you grew closer together because of it.
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