I could really use some support right now from anyone who has been there, or is there. Thanks.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 10:05 pm:

Hi Rayelle. I am currently taking Wellbutrin for depression. It's really not fun to have depression. But do you have a certain question or do you need to go on a chat line? I'd like to help in any way I can.

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 10:07 pm:

Also, my email is scott dot family 4 @ verizon dot net.

By Dancermom on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 10:09 pm:

I've been fighting through depression since I lost my sister.

What's going on?? What can I do to help.

pam3k1d @ mchsi dot com

By Sandysmom on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 10:47 pm:

I hope everything is ok. I'll check my email in the morning. (((hugs)))

By Jayne2 on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 10:59 pm:

Rayelle, hugs honey, I have dealt with clinical depression and panic attacks.

I have taken meds for a long time. Feel free to email if you would like to chat. My email is bulleta @ comcast . net.

By Juli4 on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 01:07 am:

Just after my 4th kid(6months ago) I finally got help with meds and have improved a lot. Depression convinces you that you are alone and that no one cares even if that is not the case. I am so sorry for you.

By Enchens on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 04:05 am:

Been dealing with it for almost four years now. I finally agreed to try medication about a year and a half ago. I was on Prozac,and I just switched over to Wellbutrin. I don't think it's kicked in yet because I'm in a real funk.

We are here for you when you need us.

By Marg on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 07:19 am:

I have also suffered with depression and have used Wellbutrin. This seemed to work the best for me.

Please go talk to your doctor. I have also found out you need a good and caring doctor who can work with you to see what medication works the best with you and your body.

My grandmother suffered from depression (her mom died of tuberculosis when my grandma was only 13 and her dad was an alcoholic, the story goes on and only gets worse).

My sister suffers from depression/bipolar. She does really well when she stays on her medications.

I will tell you I really hate to depression, it almost feels like it swallows you whole.

(((Rayelle))) you do not have to go through this alone and we are here for you.

By Beth on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 08:18 am:

I just started wellbutrin xl. I have only been on it like a month. I feel better. I have about two weeks during my period though that I still feel very angry and agiated. I have a lot of hormononal issues going on with cysts and fibroid tumors. I acutally see my gyne today. So I can't tell you for sure that the wellbutrin is what is going to work for me. But I can tell you, you are not alone.

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 08:39 am:

Years ago, when I was first diagnosed with depression my older dd was almost 3. (10 years ago) I had been having suicidal thoughts that came from nowhere. I had a great job, a great husband, and a great daughter, a great life. I did have stress with dd's biological family, and stress with the in-laws at the time so I think that is what triggered my depression, although it runs in my family so I think it was there anyway, lying dormant. Anyway, when I finally went to the doctor, I was in a pretty bad state. I actually had to take time off from work. It was only six weeks, but to my employer and co-workers, it may as well had been six years. I was treated so badly. I was badgered on the phone constantly and, oh my, the gossip flying around. It did nothing to help me get back on my feet. When I look back, I should have hired an attorney to help me deal with my employer. What he was doing, I think, was illegal. Anyway, my point is, I had to come to the realization that depression was just as real a medical problem as was cancer, or a broken bone, or anything else that would deem the need to take time off to heal. Thankfully, these days, people are now looking at depression differently, and hopefully no one today would have to go through what I went through with my employer and co-workers. BTW, later on, I found out that my boss's wife had a problem similar to mine and had to take off time from her job. I guess it's true, "Judge not lest you be judged". Although, I would not have wish depression on anyone, not even my boss's wife.

Anyway, vent here anytime. We are here for you. ((hugs))

By Rayelle on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 10:06 am:

Thanks. I feel better today, but the last 2 weeks I have been in a real funk. I get these bouts of depression. I feel guilty about because I don't want to get out of bed. I have a great dh and great dks. I had clinical depression when I was younger, like 13, went to talk therapy and then I didn't need it anymore. I was fine until after my 2nd baby, postpartum or depo provera set off the depression. I was also very lonely. We had little money, one car dh needed for work. I hated where I lived and where my life was at 20. Depression runs in my family. Then I went off the shot and felt better. Prenatal depression with my 3rd baby. I had her, better. Last summer it seemed to come back. I called off work for no real reason at a job I liked enough that I got laid off ( they don't really fire people, since it's seasonal. I had been there for 3 years) I went to the doctor, and she gave me prozac. Prozac made me worse, it made me suicidal. It ws a really scary thing, and I am so lucky to have the dh I do. I was able to tell him what I was feeling before it got worse. They put me on Zoloft, which also made me feel worse. I am scared of trying any meds now. I can go a long time and feel normal and then all of the sudden this feeling of hopelessness overwhelms me. I feel trapped and that no matter what I will always be trapped. I think what it has been lately is that for the first time we were doing ok financially. I mean, we still have only 1 car and I am frugal, but we had a little cushion. I've never had a cushion before, not even $1. Strictly paycheck to paycheck. My bills have all been paid on time for over a year, every one, good Christmas, got a puppy. Now things at dh's work don't look so good. I really scares me. I don't want to go back to what it was like when we were first married. I want to be home and go to school if I can because it's only 1 more year til my youngest goes to school, but I wouldn't mind part time. Dh says he will stay in school and work a 2nd job if I can handle everything here. I feel like I don't handle things here. My parents think I'm a failure, because we don't make as much money as they thought I would. I know they love me, but I know what they say about me. I won't leave my kids with strangers, I've always depended on the grandparents who say they love watching the kids. I don't really have that anymore, long story. I hate my house, decoratively speaking. I thought by now I would have something nice and dh and I made these plans. I am the biggest I've ever been. I am a mess. I feel like we both are in college so that should give me some hope. I feel bad when I fell depressed then I feel bad about what all I didn't do when feeling down. The housework piles up on me and I undo going to the gym by eating junk. I feel like I should be able to "snap out of it" even though I know depression doesn't work that way. I know I have it better than alot of people, so then I feel guilty for being depressed. Thanks for listening. I know this was long.

By Tarable on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 12:53 pm:

Reading your post is like reading my own thoughts as far as feeling like my life is not where I want it but I have an amazing family and friends. I just feel worthless a lot. I am taking Lexapro now and it seems to really help me, I still get those funks but not nearly as bad as I used to.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling guilty for being depressed because I feel that way a lot. In fact sometimes that makes my depression 10 times worse. I really don't have any advice about it except that there is nothing wrong with being depressed it is a condition you can't help.

Hugs to you and if you ever need to talk let me know. I am a pretty good listener and BTDT a lot especially about the money and not being where you want to be in life and feeling guilty for it.

Good luck and my email is tarable 2 @ gmail dot com if you need anything.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 02:41 pm:

I was close to a woman who suffered with depression and it totally took over her life. From the moment (nearly 15 years ago) that she figured out what it was that she was dealing with, she should have gone to therapy. But since she didn't she medicated herself with food, sleep, and lots of self-pity which contributed to much tension in her home, with a dh and 3 kids. She verbally abused her kids (I witnessed it myself) and have led them down the same self-destructive path she is on.

My advice to you is to get therapy, no matter what the financial cost. You may start out on medication at first, but as your therapy continues you will be able to deal with your depression head-on, and you will need the drugs less and less. The financial cost is worth it when you consider what it may cost (both financial and otherwise) down the road if you do not deal with it now.

Best of luck to you.

By Nicki on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 03:00 pm:

I don't have any advice for you, Rayelle, (I love your name) but wanted you to know you're not alone. I struggle with depression too, and the feelings of guilt. We are struggling financially as well, so I understand. I just wanted you to know I care.

We are here anytime. Big hugs to you.

By Rayelle on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 05:18 pm:

Cocoabutter, I think it's interesting that you mentioned verbally abusing kids. Fortunately I have not done that, but it doesn't mean it's impossible. My mother verbally abused me when she had depression. I don't have insurance and it's not an option for us at this time. I found a therapist who charges on a sliding scale. She said it's getting to be more common with so many not having insurance. Thanks to everyone else. It helps to know I am not alone.

By Nicki on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 06:35 pm:

Rayelle, I think it's great that you are getting help and had the courage to talk about your feelings here. I get the feeling you are a strong, insightful person. You are raising two very young children, and going to school. I know it's easy to see the bad about ourselves when we're depressed. Yet, I can already see a lot of good in you.:-) I sincerely hope you start to feel better.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 07:28 pm:

Rayelle, I have dealt with depression personally, and with my son. It is indeed the pits. I think of it as a dark gray cloud that colors - or rather, takes the color out of - one's entire life, and makes it difficult or even impossible to enjoy even the best and nicest things about your day and your life.

I can tell you that recognizing that depression is the problem and being able to say "I am depressed" is the first step in taking control of your life for yourself and taking control away from depression. Yes, medication often - almost always - helps. And yes, it usually takes a few weeks for the medication to begin making a difference. And yes, sometimes the first medication doesn't work very well and you have to wean off of it and then try a different medication. Many of the anti-depressant medications have been around long enough that they are not terribly expensive - I know Scott is on regular medication and his medication is so inexpensive that it cost less than his co-pay when he had insurance.

I can also tell you that counseling is a major help. As you know, I often recommend counseling - because I have had very good experience in my life and my son's life, and have seen others have good experience from getting counseling.

No, you are not alone. Many of us have been there and suffered that devil depression.

I can tell you, as I have told myself, that you can only get up each morning and live today. Don't try to re-live yesterday, and don't spend time worrying about tomorrow. You only have to live through today, and try your very best to make it a good day for you.

Do please count on all of us to be here for you.

By Kellyj on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 08:45 pm:

You mentioned that you are in college...they should have a campus health service that should be able to get you in touch with affordable services.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. You certainly are not alone. Depression is very common and sometimes it takes a while for people to find a medication that works. I think that you are heading in the right direction by talking about it and seeking help. I hope you can find something that helps. Take care.

By Kym on Thursday, April 26, 2007 - 05:59 am:

Through researching the subject for my sister, I have found that it's important to get on a regimen and stick with it, so many people feel better and get off meds/programs and slip into it again quickly. Also Medication PLUS excercise is key, and studies have now found that exercising outdoors and meds, dramatically improves symptoms. I have not suffered from depression, however I did have a major hormone imbalance and it mirrored some of your symptoms and it's a horrible state to live in, and no one should with the options available today, I hope you find the help you need!

By Tsa on Thursday, April 26, 2007 - 10:53 am:

Girl, you aren't suppose to have nice things in your home yet. You are in college. I always reminded my self "4 years of HELL for a life of bliss." I would have to remind myself that multiple times daily. That doesn't mean that I didn't feel the exact same way as you. I don't think people understand the commitment, the work, the fatigue of going to college and having a family. You can do this!!! The house work can wait--go for a quick walk around the block-take the kids. You can do this--it is only temporary. Ask for help. Make sure you get help. Look into financial aide. Check the student clinic. Just remember you can do this.