The road trip with my sisters !!! My sister that gave me so much grief about the colonge has kept all of us ticked-off. She finally told me, after saying more than once that she wasn't going, that she wouldn't wear it in the car or at the hotel, but she IS going to wear it the day of the wedding.So, since we will still be in the same car, I guess she wants me to hold my breath all the way to the church!!!! We are getting 2 rooms, so she will be in a different room than me.I was sooooo excited about going when she said she wasn't, but then yesterday she just started talking about what she was going to wear, etc, on the trip. I have been depressed and upset all day. I want to go, but I'm terrified that she will pull some kind of stunt to get the last word, like take a bath in the colonge, and say OOPS!! I can't even believe I am talking about ADULTS .I had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance one night a few years ago because of colonge, and I'm terrified that might happen while I am so far from home, away from my DH...and my blankie...lol Seriously, I truely do worry about that.I can't stand attention like this brought on me, and I have a real hard time standing up for myself face to face ( thank God for email) Oh well....

By Wandilu on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 10:08 pm:

Now one of my other sisters just told me that they ALL will be wearing it to the wedding...in the same car as me!! She said we will be only 5 mins from the church...like she really knows since she's never been there before either!! I really want to go on this trip...

By Paulas on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 10:23 pm:

I would get a rental and drive myself to the church. I can't believe how insensitive the whole bunch of them are. My children's school is scent free....even hair spray. It's a good thing they don't work there!

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 11:45 pm:

Ditto Paula!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 11:56 pm:

Gary would be miserable, too. He is so sensitive to perfumes. It's a good thing I'm not much into perfume! Good luck! Even if you don't ride in the car with them, it will still be in the air, at the wedding! Some perfumes make Gary sneeze and sneeze and sneeze.

By Vicki on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 07:17 am:

I think I would drive myself also. Is it just the confinement of the car that is going to bother your allergies? I would have to believe with the flowers and all the guests, you might just be miserable at the church/reception also?

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, April 20, 2007 - 09:02 am:

Can you take medication to counter the effects of the allergies??? I know it is rude of your family to "act" this way but maybe it would be easier to treat yourself and not worry so much about what they are doing, especially since you will be exposed even if it isn't by them.. I am sure you have to come into contact with this issue in your daily life, as people can be known to bathe in the stuff.. And a wedding is generally seen as a time that you go all out, hair, make up, jewelry, the perfect out fit and that generally means you want to wear the best smelly stuff you own.. So there will be other ladies and gentlemen wearing odors that might effect you...

Maybe it is time to start figuring out how to get around all this, instead of fighting it... I would want to go to and I would work to figure out a way to get around it...

Maybe a allergy mask?? I know it will be ugly but if that is what it would take.. You know what I mean????

Hugs ((((WANDA)))), I so hope you can figure this all out and it turns into one of the best trips that you and your sisters have every had together, in spite of their ignorance..... BUT if you are going into it with resentments over their ignorance then you surely won't have a good time..

I would be so excited and I would be trying to figure something out.... Because I know in my life that I couldn't let something like this hold me back... I would have to miss out on way to much stuff if I did... More Hugs.. And best wishes that you will come to some kind of terms with all of this so that you can truly enjoy yourself....

By Wandilu on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 03:08 pm:

I'm back...and I survived it. The trip there was actually pretty fun.We laughed a lot.But my sister that was so stubborn about the colonge kept making her usual smart remarks about this and that.Then the second most difficult joined in, so the tension began.Nothing satisified them about the room, the air conditioning...I called ahead and asked the motel not to spray the room with poiporri (sp)(and they were VERY nice about that request)but my sister made a face and a snide remark! We had to change motels the next day (because THEY didn't like it) and I PANICKED , because I was afraid the room would reek of strong cleaning smells.So I told them I would have to check the room first and all heck broke loose!! It all but ruined the rest of the visit, and we hadn't even made it to the wedding yet!!!!!! I lost it and started crying...I let my sister know how I felt about her remark...but I didn't say enough!! But,the good part is,my other sister and I bonded even closer.We roomed together and we did a lot of deep talking.She did everything she could to help the situation, as did I for her.And we really enjoyed seeing our other family members.So, for that,I'm grateful. I also feel good about myself concerning this.In the past, I would totally pull away from the others and be full of hate and anger.But I'm not doing that.I love them because they are my family, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be around them,and take their mouths anymore without standing up for myself.But I'm also not going to avoid them at family functions.I refuse to be controlled by bitterness any more.At some points when me and my sister would be real agitated with them we'd start singing" Father Abraham, had many sons..." a christian childrens song, and then we would start laughing! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers that yall sent up for me.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 - 03:53 pm:

That sister sure can't bend a little, can she? I'm glad you had a good experience with one of your sisters, anyway! That was nice of the hotel, to accomodate your needs.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 - 10:55 am:

"I refuse to be controlled by bitterness any more." Good for you, being in emotional control over these types of situations will actually make you a happier person.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, April 26, 2007 - 05:51 am:

I'm so glad you went, had a good time generally, and didn't have any allergic reactions. Seems to me that you have one sister you can trust and be really close to, and two who simply don't "get it". I agree with your plan, love them, stand up for yourself, and refuse to be controlled by bitterness.

I suggest when you are going to be at events where they are present, plan ahead and store up in your mind some good one-liners - responses you can make when they say something stupid and attempt to demean you that leave you sounding rational and calm and polite, while at the same time making your point. When they are nasty and you are calm and more or less kind, you will get the kudos for taking the high road. Just don't let them get you into a back-and-forth of complaints and hashing over past events - keep your chin up, sound calm and cool and a bit pitying of their silliness - you'll be amazed at how easy it is if you plan ahead. By now you pretty well know the kinds of things they may say, so you will probably be able to deal with it if you keep reminding yourself that you are the grownup in this situation, not them.

By Wandilu on Thursday, April 26, 2007 - 03:37 pm:

Thank you all for your kind words. Ginny, that is an excellant idea.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, April 26, 2007 - 04:35 pm:

Wanda, it's known as "role playing", and I have used it many times since I was told about it. You sort of "talk to yourself" but really to the other person, imagining what they may say, and what you can say, and back and forth - listening carefully to what you are saying and how it sounds to you (do I sound whiney, babyish, petty, calm, wise, above-it-all). Then, when the situation arises - as it almost certainly will, from what you've related - you almost go on auto-pilot because you've already thought out what you're going to say and the manner (tone, etc.) in which you'll say it. It's wonderful when it works, and I find it works almost always for me.