I'm going to state up front that I am feeling slightly offended about this, but can't help but feel this is very telling of how I fit into my DH's family.

Two weeks ago, my BIL called me and told me that he and his siblings were having a surprise (adults-only) birthday party for my DH. They had the date, time and location already decided on and were letting me know. He then asked me if I'd like to invite DH's co-workers, and since this completely caught me off guard, I told him that DH would prefer to keep home and work separate. They didn't ask me about inviting DH's friends, so I guess it will just be family. BIL told me he would call DH and tell him it was an adults-only house warming party and would call me back the next day.

I waited all weekend and DH never said a word to me, so I finally asked him about it. Dh said he hadn't heard anything and wasn't going unless he was asked directly. I finally called BIL back last weekend to ask him why he hadn't called, and he said he would do it right away. I then get a call from my SIL asking me what DH would like for his birthday, and I tell her, honestly, that I don't know. He is awful to buy for because if he wants something, he gets it himself.

The party is tomorrow night and it's at BIL's house - a 45 minute drive. I think I caught the nasty cold virus that's making its way through the house and I'd really rather not go, but I will because it's for DH and besides him not wanting to go alone, I want to be there for him (then I'll tell him later on how I had absolutely nothing to do with it.) Wish me luck.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, February 23, 2007 - 05:49 pm:

I do wish you luck.

I see what you mean about your dh's family- they could have at least found out from you if this time and date will work for your family before going ahead and scheduling everything. But, there isn't much you can do about them, so I guess you just deal, huh?

By Trina~moderator on Friday, February 23, 2007 - 08:31 pm:

Wow. So nice of them to include you in on the planning, eh?! Argh. Hope you're feeling better soon and the party goes better than anticipated.

By Sandysmom on Friday, February 23, 2007 - 10:45 pm:

Weird. You would think they would ask you first if you were throwing him a party, then, if you said "no" then they could say that they'd like to and ask about time, date, people, etc... I see what you mean. They sound kind of intrusive.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, February 24, 2007 - 09:47 am:

Think of it this way: you are doing the right thing - they didn't. It's known as taking the high road.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, February 24, 2007 - 01:32 pm:

Ditto Ginny, although that's often hard for me to do! It's the best advice though. Can't believe they did that- very rude and inconsiderate to say the least. I hope it all turns out well.

By Debbie on Saturday, February 24, 2007 - 02:40 pm:

Wow, that is just really weird! Never heard of someone throwing a married sibling a party, without including the spouse in the planning. And, I definitley think you are taking the high road!

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, February 24, 2007 - 02:49 pm:

First of all, a *man* planned something? Whoah.

All kidding aside, I think it's a nice gesture...not thought out very well, but a very nice way to celebrate the one you love.

Personally, and this is just me, but if we didn't have plans for the specific date...I think I'd be ecstatic about a party that I wouldn't have to plan for or put much effort into. LOL!

By Yjja123 on Thursday, March 8, 2007 - 04:53 pm:

How did the party go?

By Sunny on Friday, March 9, 2007 - 09:26 am:

The party was boring. Hey, we made it home before 11! LOL We got stuck in traffic on the way there and arrived late, so by the time we got there everyone had already eaten and were getting ready to watch the hockey game. That might have been okay except DH is NOT a sports fan!

I had been told no kids, but our 4 yr old nephew and my BIL's (future) 7 yr old niece was there. They "helped" Dh blow the candles out on the cake and open his gifts. I couldn't help thinking that it should have been OUR 4 yr old on Dh's lap, and OUR kids should have been there, but I didn't say anything. It was the only part of the whole thing that pi$$ed me off.

If they had did this 10 years ago I would have been very hurt and angry, but I learned how I fit into their family when my father and mother died within 9 months of each other and the only one who offered any support was my MIL. I realized not to expect anything from them, and you know what? They never disappoint!

By Sunny on Friday, March 9, 2007 - 09:26 am:

Oh, and thanks for asking.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, March 9, 2007 - 09:33 am:

Are they related to my in laws??? I am glad you survived. And I hate it when you go by the rules (no kids) and someone else breaks them.. Jerks!!! Sorry your kids missed out.

By Kate on Friday, March 9, 2007 - 10:10 am:

Um...it was a party for your husband and they started without him?? Niiiiice. And TOTALLY unacceptable that the niece and nephew were there and able to participate when the birthday boy's own children were not. I'd be furious...

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, March 9, 2007 - 11:52 am:

This would be typical for my DH's family. When his dad lived near by (moved 3 hours away) they would invite us over for holidays and birthdays and I swear the stepmil would invite her kids and hour before she would invite us (FIL's kids). We would get there on time/before time and all the food would be near gone. This isn't a joke. We would literally be eating whatever was left. We started eating before we would even go. DH's family stinks... they have no sense of common courtesy.... I could go on.. StepMIL buys Christmas for her kids but doesn't buy for FIL's kids.. Says they just don't have enough money.. I say whatever... At first it upset me (all of us) but after 20 years we just deal with because it isn't worth it and FIL is just plain clueless.