At what point does this constitute RUDE?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive February 2007:
At what point does this constitute RUDE?
Completely venting here. Grrr. I despise our neighbors. And, to make it worse, we are attached to them. We live in a twin home/duplex. They are very nice, and are mostly connected at points where it doesn't really matter, like the utility rooms, garages, etc. BUT, there is one point where they are connected that is extremely annoying. That is the master bedrooms. The wall is so thin, I swear they must not have insulated it.
We have a young couple that moved into the other side late last summer. They were expecting their first baby. She is now about 8 months old or so. I could tell that things got started off on the wrong foot when they were hammering nails into their master bedroom wall (which = our master bedroom wall) at midnight the 1st day they arrived. DH was about 10 seconds away from going over there and asking them to stop, because we had to be up for work the next morning at 6am.
Since then, it's been all downhill. Our garages are connected, so our driveways are too. They conveniently park their second car just far enough down in the driveway so that they can get their garage car backed out of the garage, and then crank it onto our driveway to head out into the street. EVEN if our kids are riding bikes in our driveway. There is plenty of space to park 2nd, 3rd and even 4th cars along the edge of the grass (which is cemented, it's not like they would have to park in mud or anything).
They are incredibly noisy at night, stomping around the bedroom, talking loudly. They talk extremely loud on the phone and we can hear every word they say.
Their bed is soooo squeeky, and they put it right up against our wall.
A couple of months ago, we moved our bed to the wall that was as far away from them as possible. It's still not far enough.
Fast forward to last night. Valentine's...the night for love. YUCK! Did I mention their bed is terribly squeeky? So about 10:30, we hear them rolling around on the bed. We knew what was coming. Yep! The infamous "sex squeek". I had my hands over my ears while humming. As soon as I took them off to see if they were done, I hear her MOANING. OMG. I was so mad that they didn't have anymore respect for US than that. They knew we were in there, because DH kept coughing as a "hint". It made me sick to my stomach. Why couldn't they find somewhere else to do the deed? It's a 4 bedroom house, with a large family room. I would be embarrassed if I were them.
So, I'm wondering, in your opinion, if I'm over reacting. Is this normal? We've lived here for 2 years. Before this couple moved in, we had a family there with 2 little kids. They were very sweet. Very rarely did we hear them.
We will be here until September, so this will continue for quite a few more months. Hopefully it goes by fast.
It just frustrates me. We are always telling our kids to be quiet because we have neighbors. We are always telling them to talk in quiet voices if we are in our bedroom. It's getting to the point where I really dislike these people. I hate the feeling of content that I get when I think of them, which is often since they are connected to us.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Sorry it got so long.
LOL!!!!!!!!! I can only imagine what you heard. I mean no disrespect but I am sitting here ROFLMAO and my husband is giving me sideways glances wondering what I am reading. Here's what you do - set a tape recorder against the bedroom wall while they are doing the deed and then, the next day, give them the tape.
Just kidding, I wish I knew what to really tell you. It's a very sensitive situation because you LIVE next to these people. Sorry you have to deal with all of this.
OK, now that I am composed and have reread you post, I saw that you are going to be living there for 8 more months. You could either just put up with it for eight more months knowing that there is an end in sight or you could say something to them and hopefully they will listen and be come better neighbors. Try to only deal with the things that really bother you and that way the little thing won't seem so bad. Even if they don't talk to you after that at least they will know how to be good neighbors to the next people that move in. They are young and so they probably really aren't thinking. Good luck and let me know how things go. 
LOL, well, I'm glad this is good reading for you ;)
Yes, 8 months and counting. It's such a dumb situation. We know we all basically hate each other, but when we see them out side everyone jumps to put on a big smile and say "Hi!! How are you guys?, good, how are you? good. Nice day, huh?" UGH!
Actually, I like the part about recording and giving them the tape, ROFL. Not that I would ever dare do it. But, it's fun to think about!
My DH wanted to run out and ring their doorbell. I told him it would be obvious who it was. He didn't seem to care, lol. He never did it though.
Well, let's hope that they don't stop by this message board, lol. NOW that I'm exposed ;)
Here is another interesting tidbit. We call them "The Dingleberries". One night, the husband was on the phone with his wife, she was out of town. He said, "well, I better go, I have some dingleberries I need to take care of". WTHECK???? *I* didn't know what that meant. DH explained it to me. Just added that to my list of reasons I don't like them
Could you leave a note on their door saying something like,
Dear Barney and Betty,
We just wanted to give you a heads up that our master bedrooms share a wall and thus we unfortunately are able to overhear your family when in that room. We thought you'd want to know as I'm sure privacy is as important to you as it is to us. If we have ever disturbed you in any way, we do apologize. We realize the rooms connect and so we do try to keep ourselves and our children quiet. We've thought of getting a white noise machine for our own privacy but we're worried it might be too loud and disturb you. Do you think it would bother you?
Anyway, we just wanted to let you know that we could overhear you as it makes us uncomfortable to think you might not be aware of this.
Sincerely,
Fred and Wilma
I would act like you think they don't know this and you are worried they might be spilling family secrets you aren't supposed to be privy to. Give them more credit than they deserve and they might live up to it. As for the driveway...how old are your kids? That's how we get in and out of the driveway with cars in the garage, but of course we own the whole driveway. Personally, if they're old enough I'd just teach your kids to hit the grass when they see the neighbors get in the garage car. I don't like parking in the street no matter what the weather or situation. You ALWAYS run the risk of getting hit or towed.
Oh, somehow I missed that you all hate each other! Dingleberries?? Do I want to know??
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww - Dingleberries? I don't want to even begin to know what he meant by that.
Funny you mentioned white noise. I was thinking of that last night. It may work.
Dingleberries. You probably don't want to know. Can I post something so gross here? Hmmm. I will post it, and if the mods need to remove it, then feel free
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A "dingleberry" is caused from going to the bathroom (more than just #1), and not quite cleaning yourself up good enough, leaving a little bit hanging.
My DH has mentioned that maybe they don't realize they are being so loud. If they did, would the guy have announced that dingleberry problem for all to hear??
We've done the "you slam the drawer, I slam my drawer, you stomp, I stomp" game. It doesn't work.
I guess we are just stuck until nearly 2008. Maybe we can offer a bonus to our contractor to speed things along with our house.
Oh, and I feel much better since posting this. I'm actually kind of giggling that you find it a little funny. It kind of makes light of the situation, which is what I need, lol. I just want to reach through the wall and smack them!
Well, since you are considerate and quiet, they probably don't hear you. So, is it possible that they don't realize that you can hear them?? Maybe, a note like Kate suggested would help. So, why do you hate each other....I can see that you aren't happy with them because of the noise and inconsideration. But, why do they hate you?? It seems like you try to be considerate of them.
Oh that really stinks! YUCK!!! It's like you're back in college. Eight months isn't long unless your living next to the Dingleberries. I would try to be VERY loud in your bedroom when you know they're in their bedroom- maybe overly so. Maybe, just maybe they'll get the hint without you having to confront them. Other wise I'd follow Kate's advice. Good luck!
Do you like to have a fan running in your bedroom? My neighbors swear by a small box fan that they use all year long and the noise of it drowns out other irritating noises. Also, hmmmmmmm, you could......give them a taste of their own medicine. Push your bed up against the wall and - well - you know. LOL! It's just a suggestion, that's all. >)
I lived in an apartment building, for the first few years on my own. My upstairs neighbors didn't have a squeaky bed, but when they did the deed, the headboard banged against the wall! I remember being in the bedroom with Gary and hearing the headboard. I'm sure we just thought it was funny. I really couldn't hear anything else, though.
OMG! I cannot believe you can hear their ENTIRE phone conversation!!!! Dingleberries? I wonder if he meant his "balls"? They could have been having phone s3x. ??? That's SO weird.
I would just mention something like "I know this is personal, but do you hear us doing anything in the bedroom?" Her answer "No...not at all." Your response, "Yeah, well we can hear you guys taking care of the Dingleberries."
Ok, maybe not that blatant, but seriously. I would be mortified if my neighbors heard us. I once heard our neighbors next door because their music was up loud and it was the kind of music that you would "get busy" with. I only heard it one time though, but still...eeewww...
Her and I were on the subject of neighborhood noise and she asked "Do you ever hear anything?" So, I told her about the music and she went beet red. I was just being honest...
oohhhhhhh....email me their snail mail address and I could REALLY freak them out. I'll write to them and ask them about their "dingleberries"...LOL That ought to squish it/them. No pun intended...really. ;-)
Dingleberries!?!? Ewwww! I've heard the expression but never knew what it was. Ewwww!
I soooooooooooooooo needed to read this tonight !!!! Thank you for the MUCH needed laugh I ,too, have lived in a duplex where you can hear EVERYTHING .One morning I was in the kitchen (their kitchen was on the other side of the wall) and the guy passed gas (for lack of saying the other word)and it sounded as if he was in MY kitchen !! I swear I could even hear his pants vibrating !! Sorry...that was gross..but true !!!!!!!!! I think I even smelled it ( ok,so that was WAYYYY gross...) I think you should tape it, and give it to them on the day that you move out.or better yet...EBAY !! lol
I don't consider it rude to make love in your own bedroom. The other noise might not be neighborly, but it is their only bedroom.
LOL. This was the funniest thread I have ever read here.
Couldn't you talk to her honestly and adult like and tell her the situtation and ask if it is possible for them to maybe move their bed to the other wall like you did. Then you will each be as far away as possible from each other. Just go to her and be honest maybe they don't realize. I could not keep this to myself no way.
And like Bea said it is their bedroom so I cannot see asking them to do it elsewhere.
Good luck.
If you guys are so quiet, I bet they don't even realize that you hear them. I think I would have to mention to them that you do. I would be mortified if someone heard dh and I at night in our bed. As embarrassing as it would be to hear, I would want to know so I could try to fix the situation.
Oh, honey I have been there,lol!!! We lived in a duplex for 3 years, yours sounds much nicer than ours even with the neighbors! The other half went through 2 different families while we were there. The first family was nice to talk to, but the house was about 90 years old and the walls were all very thin. The dad had a daughter from another marriage that would stay periodically and she would play music so loud my living room walls shook. It probably didn't seem that loud to them and we would occassionally say something.They were always nice about it but it never ended completely. The girl would play it loudest when she was the only one home. We could hear them argue, but I never heard their lovemaking( maybe that's why they argued,lol) The next was a young couple. They also played music that shook the walls, but that house was so old I'm surprised it didn't fall down,lol. They both worked so it didn't happen alot and it was never at night,just on weekends really. The young man was nice enough to mow our half of the lawn for free when he realized we had to borrow a lawn mower, so I let it go. I did hear them in the throws of passion one time, and dh and I had a good laugh at it.I don't know if could live with what you hear!!! If they don't have kids that explains alot too, they aren't trying to keep from waking their little ones. Maybe if you just ask them to try to keep it down at night because sounds carry and it wakes your kids sometimes.
Yes, I would think that they would be embarrassed to make so much noise during sex, against our wall.
I understand that it's their own bedroom, in their own house. But, if I wanted to throw basketballs at the adjoining wall, because it's my own house and I can do what I want, wouldn't that be rude?
I think there just needs to be some sort of mutual respect going on.
LUCKILY, they left last night for the long weekend But, DH and I are going out of town for a couple of days, so we won't enjoy the full effect of the silence, lol.
I was reading some rental tenant laws online, and between the hours of 10pm and 6am on weekdays, is supposed to be quiet time. They certainly don't follow that rule! We've had to pound on their wall at 4:30am because they were being so loud that it woke us up.
I want to send them on an 8 month trip to a different country ;)
I also have to agree with Bea. Yes there are other rooms in the house, but most people have most of their sex in their bedroom (i assume).
You really only have a couple of choices here...one to just keep on keeping on. Or to do something.
Options what to do, you could talk to them. Quiet time means outside noise, I don't think you can really get them in trouble for what they are doing. What about talking to your landlord about insulating that wall better? Explain that you can hear everything, and you do mean everything, and is there a way to add insulation?
the reality is, some people enjoy the riskiness of being heard or watched, so who knows how these people think. Especially if they are young. I think the white noise idea might be your best bet. Better yet, turn your tv up, the one that is against their wall. How about giving them an easter gift of wd-40 for their squeaky bed?
I didn't read all thee responses but....
is this a one time occurance with you hearing them having sex? If so I'd let that one slide since it was Valentines day and some alcohol could have something to do with the loudness (we had one doozy of a night when we were about their age and I didn't realize until the next morning that our bedroom window was open, I was mortified when I realized it and the looks we got from the neighbors for about a week after, OMG!!). But if you are hearing that every single time, I would go over and talk to her woman to woman and just say something to the effect of "hey can I talk to you woman to woman, this is kind of hard and a little embarassing for me to say but I don't know if you realize that our bedroom walls are adjoining and that they are paper thin. Is there anyway you could possibly put your bed on the other side of the room or atleast pull it out from the wall a bit because my chidleren sometimes sleep in our room and the ummm..noise that was coming through the wall Valentines Day was scaring them. It could be that they don't realize that you are hearing them. We live in base housing (have lived in lots of them and I know thier walls are thin) and I have always asked the neighboors that if we are too loud for them (our surround sound, kids, me yelling at the kids, etc...)to please come over and let me know before it causes a problem. I think it has helped to keep the peace.
or
If they do know you can hear them, they may have heard you and know that you call them dingleberries and that could explain the comment he made on the phone and the reason that they are extremely loud. In my experience with neighbors talking to the wife one on one in a non confrontational way can go along way. Good Luck!
When we lived in apartments in Germany, our upstairs neighbors would start their Sunday mornings with him playing his accordion in their bedroom at about 8:00 a.m. When asked politely to wait until a later time, we were told that this was their weekend routine, and they saw no need to modify it. We started a routine of our own. We had those old fashioned speakers about 4 foot high and a foot deep. They stood on top of our schrank (entertainment center.) I turned them towards the ceiling, and started playing the 1812 Overture at 2:00 a.m. on Monday mornings. When they complained, I told them that it was our routine to march at that time each week. They got the point after two Mondays, and quit the accordion concerts.
Bea I have to say that sounds impressive!!!
LoL, Bea!
And, I'm laughing about the "it's scaring my children" comment ;) I think it really would scare them if they heard it. And the W-D 40, ROFL.
As for the dingleberries, we only started calling them that AFTER we heard him say it on the phone.
Maybe I'll make one of those paper chain countdown things. That may help pass the time ;)
I regret moving in here. There was a house for rent that we could have taken when we moved here, but these duplexes are brand new and so much nicer. Give and take, I guess.
I was born and raised in a row home in Philadelphia. We shared walls with neighbors for most of my life. My motto is try to handle things reasonably, but if that doesn't work, bring out the big guns.
;)
OMG, I needed that laugh tonight!! Really, though, I agree that you should say something to them, in the most tactful way possible, and if that doesn't work, go to your landlord.
What they're doing in their bedroom isn't rude, unless they know you can hear them and get louder deliberately. What they are doing with the driveway is, however, dangerous. They are putting your children at risk. You might talk to the rental management about the rules about driveways - there is no reason they should be backing down your driveway when they have a perfectly good driveway of their own.
And, yes, the duplex housing is new and looks snazzy, but the newer a house is, from my experience, the thinner the walls. Once drywall was invented and builders could stop using plaster, a lot of sound insulation went out the window. I, too, lived in a row house in Philadelphia, like Bea, and woke up one morning at 3:00 a.m. to the shriek's of my neighbor's daughter when she saw a mouse.
If you talk to her and they don't do anything, maybe you could put a speaker in your bedroom right next to the wall and when they start making loud noises, give them the Warsaw Concerto or some punk rock for accompaniement (accompanyment?)
Or you and your DH could fake some really out-of-this world sex with all sorts of sound effects and give them a taste of their own medicine?? (But they might like it.....)
I'm just curious as to what local code was at the time the duplexes were built regarding soundproofing between shared walls.
I would just be honest w/ the wife and explain how much you have heard. I would even, and especially, tell her about the dingelberries. You KNOW she will tell her DH and that would probably be enough of privacy invasion for him to take control of the situation and get more quiet.
They truly may be unaware of how much of their life you hear. And perhaps, they may even hear much of yours even with your efforts to stay quiet. You just never know.
I would just be honest w/ the wife and explain how much you have heard. I would even, and especially, tell her about the dingelberries. You KNOW she will tell her DH and that would probably be enough of privacy invasion for him to take control of the situation and get more quiet.
They truly may be unaware of how much of their life you hear. And perhaps, they may even hear much of yours even with your efforts to stay quiet. You just never know.
Being that they are young, it is possible that they don't CARE that you hear everything. I drive my DS Shawn to college three days per week and wait for him in the study hall, reading or doing bills, etc.. It seems that decorum and decency have gone right out the window among a lot of the young people. There isn't ANYTHING that they don't talk about in public and in mixed company! And, I swear, if you took the "F" word out of their vocabulary, they'd be speechless! LOL! I also see public displays of affection on the campus that border on pornography.
Also, did you say that she is eight months pregnant? I would think that "acrobatic" love-making would be a bit umcomfortable ( and medically ill-advised) at this stage of the game. Hang in there...when the "bambino" arrives, they will be too tired for the s3xual olympics. Of course, you might be subjected to the sounds of a crying infant at all hours. They just sound clueless.
I think I would speak to the rental manager and see if they can do something to add sound-proofing.
It is amazing how sound travels through a building. When we were first married, we lived in a third floor apartment in an old house. The landlord was a merchant marine so his wife was alone a lot. She apparently was a night-owl, so she used to vaccuum at 2:00AM. I am a night owl, too, so it didn't bother me, but the first floor tenants weren't too happy. He would also arrive home in a cab in the wee hours of the morning, and they would sit up all night and talk.
We also lived in a row house base housing billet, that had cinder block walls between the apartments. You would think that that would be a good insulator. However, we would hear our neighbour's alarm clock go off, and then the radio would come on. Rod Stewart's song "Maggie May" was a hit then, so many times, we would awake to the gravelly-voiced sound of Rod Stewart. LOL!
When you live in a multi-family dwelling, it is hard NOT to hear the sounds of other's lives. I live in the woods now, with only the sounds of the birds. I love it, because I am getting old. When I was young, noises didn't bother me as much. Just try to hang in there. Maybe your house will be finished sooner.
Her baby is 8 months old now. She was pregnant when they moved in last summer
They routinely bath and feed the baby (in the bedroom, lol) around 11pm each night. Complete with making all kinds of baby talk and singing. Not sure why they don't use another bathroom.
LoL, PamT. We are planning to fake a wild night of uncontrollable passion right before we move out ;);) And lots of talking and stomping. Just sort of a "payback" for them, and mostly just to make me feel better ;)
I don't know what the code is for stuff like that. I would think that it would have had to pass some sort of inspection wouldn't it?
I agree that the driveway rudeness is unsafe. Everytime I hear their garage open, I go out and make sure the kids are off the driveway. Once it gets warmer, and the kids are out more, we'll definitely have to talk to them about that if they continue.
|
Members
