Am I wrong to be a bit upset? a bit of a vent
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Am I wrong to be a bit upset? a bit of a vent
My dh doesn't do Valentine's Day, like I said in my other post. But he knows that I would like something, even if it's just a card and a kiss I would be happy.
Last night he came home with a card for each of the kids and me (i had alredy gotten them cards and signed them from mom and dad but i guess he didn't know that) and a bouquet of flowers (a very ugly bouguet of flowers, they were very sad looking.) and said "these are for all of you" 
Uh, hello? Why can't he just give them to me? I'm the wife. At least he acknowledged that he knew I didn't like carnations (i think they are ugly) but he said that's all they had.
I took them and said "no, they are for me". He didn't say anything.
He very obviously didn't want to get those things, he just did it so i was'nt upset with him. I just wish he would WANT to celebrate Valetines day with me.
I'm just having a bad morning. Dd had a fever again last night and this morning. She is staying home from school today. So again i'm trapped in the house even if I wanted to go out and brave the cold!
SPRING, come quickly!! 
(((HUGS))) I suppose you could look at like...how mad would you have been if he had shown up empty handed?? Atleast he did go ahead and bring *something* home. I think you have to make sure you give him credit for that.
I can relate to your feelings though!!! I have learned to treat myself on Valentine's Day (and EVERY other holiday -this way I feel less bitter towards the spouse about his lack of consideration for me) My dh doesnt even realize it I dont think. For example: there are some very expensive Arbonne items I want and I am ordering them for myself this morning. ;) Happy Valentines to me! He NEVER actually says the words 'Happy Valentine's Day' to me OR the kids. But he says it to people at his work in spanish AND english now and his Mother... Whatever. He never asks ME out for Valentine's Day. I decided yesterday morning I wanted to go to a special place this Sunday for brunch after church. And that's what we will do- I dont really care if I had to plan it.
My dh was mad at me yesterday and just sat some flowers on a table by the front door w/no card and went to work. When I came downstairs these flowers were sitting there, with no card. And instead of being completely over joyed, I was irritated because there was no card and he *could* have walked upstairs and handed them to me and said the words "Happy Valentines Day"!!! argh lol So, I blew it off and went and had a great day with my kids and a couple of friends.
I know many people will disagree w/ my attitude.
I hope you have a good day today!!
Yes, i know that i should be happy that he brought something home. I did act happy about it and gave him a kiss and said thank you and all that although i wasn't thrilled.
Hey, if you have to make the plans than go right ahead!
Well, today isn't much better. Dd doesn't have strep, she has a sinus infection, they think. Now she has to take Augmentin instead of the other stuff. The nurse said it doesn't taste as good, so i'm going to have an argument every time i give it to her. Plus dh decided he is going out with a few friends tonight which leaves me here for an extra few hours alone with the kids. I love my kids and they behave well, but I just need some adult conversation!!! I can not wait till Saturday night when I go out with my girlfriends!!!
I hope your dd is feeling better soon! Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time getting the med's down her. I am glad she doesnt have strep, however, sinus infections are so miserable too.
I have a Grandma that is extremely funny... She teaches me the *quit waitin' around for other people to make you happy - and make yourself happy* way of thinking. ROFL However, I shouldnt be posting stuff like that on this board. Sorry if I offended!
Well, I don't think your "wrong" in the way that you feel, but maybe your looking at it through your eyes only. You said this:
My dh doesn't do Valentine's Day
he knows that I would like something, even if it's just a card and a kiss I would be happy
He very obviously didn't want to get those things, he just did it so i was'nt upset with him.
Those are just a few of the things that jumped out at me. You know he doesn't "do" Valentines Day, but he still put forth an effort and it still wasn't enough to make you happy. He didn't want to, but he did it to make you happy. He did more than a card and a kiss and it still wasn't enough.
I think you need to give him some credit!! If you look at it through his eyes, he went above and beyond and I bet he thinks he did great!!
I am not saying your wrong for wanting him to want to make Valentines Day special. If you want Valentines Day to be a big deal, I think you need to share those thoughts with him. Tell him what you would like the day to be like. If you tell him a card and a kiss is enough, don't be disapointed if that is all he does. He did over that and bought some flowers too.
I think we need to tell men exactly what we want. They are not good at reading between the lines. LOL But if you honestly look at it through his eyes, he did MORE than you told him would make you happy. Again, I bet he had his chest all pumped out thinking he did great!!
I'm inclined to agree with Vicki. One thing that is very important in marriage is to marry the person who is what s/he is, not the person you want him/her to be. From my perspective, your husband did something he didn't particularly want to do because he knew it mattered to you. Please give him credit for that.
A successful marriage is full of compromises - he tried to compromise between his feelings and your wishes. It sounds to me, Bellajoe, like you didn't recognize the effort he made to please you, and that you didn't compromise. He may not *want* to celebrate Valentine's Day, but he clearly *wants* to try to make you happy. So, give a little, and recognize his efforts.
As for him going out tonight when you have sick kids, maybe you need to tell him - look, when one of the kids is sick it really drags me down because it is a whole lot more work dealing with a sick child - so when one of our kids is sick, I would really like you to be available to spell me for an hour or two in the nursing care, and just be around so I have someone to talk to who isn't a child and isn't sick. If you don't tell him, he won't know. No one (and especially no man) is a mind-reader (as Vicki points out).
I think if you want Valentine's Day to be special, you need to tell your dh that you want Valentine's Day to be special because you love him and want to have a special time with him, so you are going to make reservations at a nice restaurant so he can take you out to dinner, without the children, on Valentine's Day - and do it.
I was married to a man who was quite pleased with himself when he gave me a 22 automatic pistol for one of our early anniversaries. I have absolutely no idea what was going on his mind when he did that, and I have no idea how I managed to say "thank you" with a straight face. But ever after, I gave him lists of things I would like for gifts, or showed him pictures in a catalog or advertisement - noting my size and color preferences. That's whyu I got a lovely string of cultured pearls a couple of years later, and a dressy watch another time. And never, never a "practical" gift (blender, vacuum cleaner, etc.) unless I specifically said that's what I wanted.
And, frankly, we do the list thing in my family in general, having learned that if we do the lists, people get something they really want/need for birthday/Christmas. And my dear dil, whom I love enormously and greatly appreciate, drives me batty because she only lists 2 or 3 things, when the "family" guidelines call for listing lots of things in lots of price ranges. It makes it really difficult to get things for her, and this Christmas one of my sons *and* a member of her family got her the same thing, because she had listed so few things.
You are both very right. And i do know all those things.
I do tell dh that I'd rather him stay at home, and I told him today but he just said that he needed his "me" time with his friends and that I would be "fine".
He did offer to bring home some sandwiches for lunch, which he did. And that was nice of him.
I'm just really in this funk. I think it's just major cabin fever. I've essentially been stuck in the house for 2 weeks now with sick kids, snow days, etc. I was supposed to go out with friends last weekend but those plans fell thru.
I felt better after I went out for an hour this afternoon. Mil watched the kids. I just got dd's prescription and then walked around Target. I got myself a spring/summer purse That made me happy.
Thanks for your help ladies, I'm just depressed and need some warm weather and sunshine.
I'm going out of town the first weekend of march with my sister and mom and a bunch of other ladies. I can not wait!
About the Valentine's Day thing. I'm usually not like that about Valentines Day. I guess i just needed a little extra love yesterday with all that's been going on.
Patti, my heart goes out to you. When we lived in the Northwest, I can remember that feeling of cabin fever during the winter months, and at the time I was working full time! So I can only imagine how you are feeling, being home with two sick children. I hope you are feeling better, and glad you were able to get out for awhile yesterday. It doesn't take much to make us feel better, does it? Just being "free" for awhile!
I wish you were at our house today. I won't tell you how warm it is, but the sun is shining and it feels like spring. (Although, come May, you will probably be enjoying your beautiful spring temps, but we will be well into our summer heat, sigh):-) Part of the reason we moved here after dd was born is because I knew I'd never survive the winters in North Idaho if I was a SAHM! I honestly believe I would have lost it. So hugs to you. Spring will be coming soon!
dh isn't always the romantic I would like him to be but he has his moments. Mostly I make the plans for my birthday, our aniversary, valentines day and such. On occasion he has surprised me but its a very rare occasion. I don't really have any advice for you other than to talk to him and be upfront with him about how you feel.
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