As I was reading Debbie's post, I remembered that I never updated about my DD's school situation with the boy who was making sexual advances toward her and another girl etc...... I too waited for 4 days for a call back from the school, thinking that in a situation like this, I would have heard back sooner. When I called back and talked to the VP, he said that he is still investigating and that he has other duties that needed tending to. He also said that this situation was one child's word against another and that he would need witnesses that were not friends with DD & the other girl to come forward and say that they witnessed the boy being inappropriate. He also said something about me crucifying the kid. I can't remember what it was because by that time I was seeing red. After getting off the phone with him, I talked to the guidance counselor and she was livid that the VP talked to me that way and she said she would go directly to the principal. I told her that so far I have been kind enough not to go to the police or CPS and she said that she knew. In an hour's time, the principal called me and said he would take over the situation and that he would call me the next school day. He did, and when he called, he said that they gave him a strict punishment and that after talking with the boy, they really feel that it was a joke that just went too far. I asked DD if his locker is near hers and she said yes. I had previously asked them to look into moving the boy's locker somewhere away from my DD's. I am disappointed that they have not. In no way did I give anyone at the school the impression that I was trying to "crucify" this kid and I didn't appreciate the accusation. OK, now that that is off of my chest, I do have a question.

My DD stayed after school to re-take a test and she said that supposedly other kids were supposed to as well. As it turns out, DD was the only one to stay after. Well, the teacher is a man and she was the only one in the room with him. She said the door was open and during that time, another teacher, a woman had come in for just a moment and then left. I guess I am a little over-protective of my DD, but I didn't think it was right for her to be alone in a room with a man. I was touched by a man teacher when I was her age and I guess that is why I feel so strongly about this. If it happened to me etc....... What do you think? You never know what goes through someone's mind.

By Kate on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 04:05 pm:

Unfortunately, given what's already gone on, I think if you bring up being concerned about your DD being alone with a male teacher, they will write you off as being a wacko who is just LOOKING for sexual abuse. If the incident with the boy hadn't happened, you could have stated your preference that she be supervised by female teachers in the rare cases where she takes a test alone. But after the whole student thing, and the VP already saying you were crucifying the boy, I really think bringing this up would hurt your credibility. Instead, if she has to stay after for such a reason again, I would simply request that she take the test in the office or request that you sit in the room with a magazine and wait for her. It probably won't happen again, so if it doesn't, you won't have said something for nothing, and if it does, it may be several months down the line, in which case perhaps then enough time will have passed that you could say something about it concerning you.

I'm glad you got some action on the first incident. How is your DD doing regarding this??

By Amecmom on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 04:42 pm:

Ditto Kate.
I can't tell you how many times I was alone in a classroom with a man teacher. No issues ever.
Ame

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 05:51 pm:

I'm afraid I agree that you can't afford to pursue this second matter now - especially as the door was open all the time. But you do need to vigorously pursue the matter of the boy who is sexually assaulting your daughter. Putting the boy on discipline doesn't help when he has an opportunity to harass your daughter daily while they are at their lockers. If it were me I'd insist that the boy's locker be moved to some place where he can be easily supervised - like near an administrator's office - and away from your daughter. I find the VP's behavior totally unacceptable, and if it were me I'd write a letter to the person who supervises your school district, with a copy to the principal and to the president of the school board. If you want help with that, I know that I, and I'm sure others, would be willing to review any letter you draft, to help you keep it calm and collected so they don't write you off as an hysterical parent. Every time you write about that VP's behavior about this whole thing, I get angry all over again.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 05:55 pm:

Oh, and it's only a "joke" if everyone involved thinks it's funny. Calling it a joke puts your daughter, the victim, in the position of being categorized as not having a sense of humor. Which is what people (usually men) say about women who don't laugh at or complain about sexist jokes, and people who complain about "jokes" that are racist, or put down one religion or another. It's really hard to see something as a joke when you are the victim of the behavior. The boy may think it is funny to make your daughter upset (which wouldn't surprise me a bit), but for adults to classify a deliberate assault on another student (possibly for the deliberate purpose of making her upset, or possibly for other reasons) as a "joke" is unacceptable.

Just as an example, would the principal or the vice-principal think it was a joke if his wife was subjected to that kind of behavior by a co-worker, and the wife's boss said, Oh, it's just a joke?

By Anonymous on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 06:34 pm:

Thank you, Ginny. I did think of that too. I asked DD exactly how upset she was on a scale of 1 to 10 and she said 5. I do, however, think that I should talk with the principal or write a letter as you said. I also think that his locker still needs to be moved. I do want to say that during all this, I really couldn't have been nicer. I wasn't ranting and raving and constantly calling so the VP's comments were totally out of line.

I do agree with all you ladies about DD being with the male teacher. It would make me look like the crazy mother,so, I will not say anything. It's just that in this world today, you can't REALLY trust anyone when it comes to your kids. Imagine how the parents felt thinking that their boys were safe being altar boys. Thanks for all your input.

By Debbie on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 06:54 pm:

Ginny has great advice. I am quickly learning, since I am dealing with a school situation, that you can't let things go. You have to stay on them, until they do something. I would once again insist this boy's locker be moved. And, like Ginny said, it is not a joke, it is harrassment.

Unfortunatley, I am starting to see, that in a lot of cases, the school just hopes that parents will let things drop. They have students that have bad behavioral problems, and they have a hard time dealing with them. It seems that there are too many parents that just don't care. So, they are left to try and fix things.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, February 8, 2007 - 09:00 pm:

If you want to write a letter, email me at klipvm at rcn dot com. We can work out an outline, so you have a framework to put your words on, and maybe go through a draft or two. One of the skills my bosses have always valued my editing and language skills - and since it isn't my dd, maybe I can be a step removed (though, as I've said, I am really angry about the vice-principal). The words and style should be yours, so that your letter sounds like you, but an outside eye (or two, if you want to ask someone else to help also) can't hurt. And maybe from my many years as a legal secretary I may know some of the "code words" that will get their attention.

One of things in my past life is that I was a co-founder of an organization called Parents Union for Public Schools in Philadelphia (if we'd thought about the acronym - PUPS - we would probably have come up with a different name) and before I became a WOHM, I spent a lot of hours going with parents to meetings with teachers and principals and counselors, acting as an advocate for the parents and their children. I think it is very important to make school systems take their responsibility to children more seriously, and not be allowed to brush off parents' legitimate concerns.