Stress free parties for little ones
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Stress free parties for little ones
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so stick with me. This morning I heard a story on the radio about "Birthdays without pressure". {Some guy in New York spent $10 million dollars on his son's 13th birthday party and gave out $10,000 goody bags (wish I'd been on the guest list, but what kind of a gift would you take the kid?)} Any way, a group of parents started a group called "Birthdays without Pressure" because birthday parties for little ones have gotten so out of hand. And I know that I am so part of the problem. We had 32 people in my house for dd's 1st birthday. And it has gotten progressively worse. Last year I told dd that it was getting out of hand and we WOULD cut back this year. Well, her birthday is next Friday, her party is at one of those bouncy places, we've invited 25 kids which parents and some siblings will probably be added. But, unless I get guilted into more, I am only serving cake, ice cream and drinks. If anybody asks I am telling them to limit their gifts to $10 or less or go in with somebody and get 1 gift. I am fixing goody bags with a few items instead of a lunch bag full of stuff. I have watched kids sit down with pizza and chips and hot dogs and hamburgers and chicken nuggets, etc and throw most of it away. At dd's 3rd birthday I had planned all of these little games and the kids just wanted to play. They didn't want to do any of the games I'd planned. And I know at these bouncy places, they just want to play. And I know dd loves to get a gift bag and goes threw it all in the car on the way home but by the time she's home she forgets about 95% of it and never eats the candy in them.
So I guess what I'm thinking is--
*how many of you think kids' birthday parties have gotten out of hand?
*if you have cut back, what did you cut out?
*what are your thoughts on the whole thing?
I really want to cut back, but I'm like one parent said on the website I was reading who wants to cut back but doesn't want her child to feel left out or deprived or something of that sort. And I feel kind of bad, too that I never was this lavish on the boys' parties when they were little (they are 21, 24, 26) but back then parties weren't this out of control.
Every year we do a big party for our kids. DS had a Mad Science party last year. Ver cool but very $$$$!  Now that he is in Kindy I noticed the parties are out of control. The last 3 parties we went to lasted 4 hours! One had a magician the other had face painting a Pirate and pinata.
DS turned 6 on the 3rd and after going to all those parties I decided I was going to keep it SIMPLE. Just like our parents did when we where little. So I told him he could invite a few friends from class...not the whole class of 36 like the other kids did. We had 8 kids at the house we ordered Pizza, they all played out back. We brought out Dylan's motorcycle and started it up for all the kids, they loved that. We had a Pinata and some cake and it was over in 1.5 hours! LOVED IT!
I do have to admit, it was very stressful not having a "Show" lined up to keep the kids busy but I'm glad we did it that way, the kids had a great time. Infact they ended up playing football towards the end of the party it was a blast.
So in short:
*Yes, I have had parties that have gotten out of hand and cost way to much money.
*I cut back on the entertainment and let the kids take care of that part. It worked out really well.
Yes, parties are out of control. Way out. I've not 'cut back' because I've never gone the 'out of control' route. Our parties are always here at the house with about five friends of the birthday girl. We tend to do a craft as the 'game' and that works for the 'goody bag' as well then. The craft is their 'treat'. Parties are not longer than two hours and only ice cream and cake are served.
I can't imagine any child actually having 25 friends....my girls are allowed to invite only their closest friends, and we don't even have a 'friend' party every single year. I think as they get older it's best to let them pick two kids and go to the movies and out for pizza afterwards. That's simple, and it's 'grown up' for the birthday child and they like it. If you're brave you can do the sleepover route with three kids maximum, IMO.
I don't think a child would feel deprived if they don't have an elaborate party. All a birthday child REALLY needs is a cake and a few presents and the knowledge that they and their special day matter. Ten million dollar parties or bounce house parties are not necessary for that. That ten million could have gone to several charities and actually done some good. On a smaller scale, the money from bounce house type parties could go toward a small family vacation or a day at the amusement park, or day trips, etc.
Funny you should bring this up. DD and I were talking about this the other day. I asked her what she thought was the best BD party she's been to. She had 2 of them. She's 10.
1. 4 of us moms took the train to Chicago and one girl had her birthday party at the American Girl store with just 3 of her best friends and her sister. We Christmas shopped and just had fun mother/daughter weekend. The mom paid for the girls meals at AG store and the moms footed their own bills. since then, this girl has had very simple parties and is fine with that.
2. A few months ago, DD went to a friends party that was held at the grandparents farm. They have a barn that is over 100 years old but in great shape. They arranged hay bales in a maze and stacked them over 4 stories high. the girls played in those all night, watched the cows come in, fed the horses, and just spent time enjoying the simple things.
I agree parties have gotten out of control. It seems you are guilted into inviting kids who your child doesn't normally associate with just so they aren't left out of others' parties.
If the truth is known, most kids don't want the lavish parties. They just want to be with their closest friends and so something simple but special, like go out for pizza and to a movie, and have a sleepover or something. It's the parents that get all worried about the child being left out.
As for gift bags, at most of the parties we are going to these days, the parents are handing out $5 dollar gift cards to Claire's or McDonald's. I appreciate these because we actually use them.
This year, my son is having a few friends over to spend the night and play dodgeball and cook hotdogs over a fire. DD is doing the same except it will be swimming in our pool. They each plan on 3 - 5 friends.
My oldest dd's first two parties were out of hand expensive and huge. Ever since then, we've kept them similar to Andi's simple party. We've had approximently 8 kids and had pool parties or slumber parties or just let them play. This year, my ds (7yo) has asked to take 4 friends out to lunch (probably a buffet type place) and to see a movie. Sometimes I've had goody bags, sometimes not. I'm not sure it's been that big of a deal either way. Maybe it's just this area, but birthday parties just don't seem to be too over the top.
Our birthday parties have always been with family and we had cake and ice cream. Sometimes dinner with the grandparents and stuff, but sometimes not. They get some presents and play with their siblings and cousins either outside or in their room. Nothing too big. They always have a blast.
Katie's having her B-day party this Saturday.There are 12 kids including Katie.We are going bowling.It's for 2 hrs.They get to bowl for 1 hour and pizza and pop are included.Each child costs $12.00.I supply the cake and goodie bags.I like the fact that I don't have the clean up and I don't have to worry about germs in my house since its cold/flu season.The boys will always have home parties since they are summer babies.
Yes, they are out of control. I threw two big parties for my son, age 5 and 7. No parties for the other b-days. For his 12th birthday we took him and a friend out for lobster.
We declined more invitations than we received for my son over the years. Parties are just a beating. My son was actually invited to two parties where he didn't even know the kid - at all - never laid eyes on the two kids. That's ridiculous.
It has gotten to the point where my son won't go to any skating parties, paint ball parties or anything sports related like attending a professional sporting event, or putt putt parties. He likes swim parties. But really the whole party thing has wound down for him (he's 12).
Also it got to the point where he didn't even look inside party bags anymore. How sad is that? Inevitably it was just more pencils and erasers he doesn't care about and candy he can't eat (he has a retainer).
It sounds so cold, but when you are bombarded with invitations, it ruins it for everyone. It's not special anymore.
The best parties we went to, both were for 4 year olds. One was at the most expensive country club in the city and the kids were in one room with entertainers (magician and a man with a monkey) and the parents in another room with an open bar. I'm not much of a drinker, but that was a fun party.
The other party was at the mom's house and she had a bounce house for the kids which is normal, but she also had strolling musicians and wine and cheese for the parents. The kids also had a magician and the weather was just gorgeous. It was a scene out of a Pottery Barn catelogue.
Both parties cost a fortune (and both were thrown by single, never married moms like me), but they were nice bec the parents entertainment was considered too and we got to drink and have adult conversation!! That's so rare for single moms! And my son enjoyed both of them. That's a good age for a big party.
I talk to parents of little kids now and it's getting worse, the party circuit is getting worse, they say. I can't imagine. I think this is why parents have stopped RSVPing, too. Everyone is tired of the parties. Every weekend, more parties, more gifts, each year more and more money spent.
We are a little different than others. First I max out at 150 dollars. Most party places you can do for that. So we have done putt putt, bowling, laser tag etc. But we only do the minimum. If we do it at the house we invite the whole class for the same price.
2 rules in my house, 1 you can pick the party or the money. I don't buy a birthday gift for my child, the party is their gift. Or I can buy them gifts with the money, their choice. If you pick that option we still have a cake at home, go out to dinner, make it special, have a friend stay over.
rule 2, no more "parties" after age 10. So my dd is 12, last year she had 3 friends come sleep over we went out to the dollar theater and ordered pizza. Oh and we had a cake. The difference is I don't do any entertaining.
I love parties, I love planning and scheduling, etc. So my youngest is having a home party this year, it will be a pokemon theme (i think that is what he decided), i will make the invites, we will have a craft, we will take pictures of all the kids, we will have a couple of games, all in theme. I can do these parties cheap cheap cheap, I love it!
Our favorite party was a halloween party. We had costumes, apple bobbing, toilet paper wrap, bean bag tosses at the cauldron, like a carnival. I ordered stuff from oriental trading I walked out less than 100 dollars for 40 kids, it was a blast.
Anyway, I don't do goodie bags per say, if we have a craft, that gets sent home, if we do prizes for games that will go home, but mostly nothing else, because it is all junk!
We have had elaborate parties BUT I rarely spend over $200.00. It is all in the planning and preparation. Last years Pirate's Of The Caribbean treasure hunt was a huge success. It involved a lot of prep (planning clues, etc) but was well worth it. I grew up with a cake and koolaid, invite the neighbors party (who were NOT my age!) Birthdays are a very big deal to me. I would never spend bookoo bucks on a party but I will always go all out. The way I see it, birthday's are like Christmas. A time to celebrate and something to look forward to.
PS-- we do not do "goodie bags" either. For the Pirate party, each kid was given a hat, sword, eye patch (basically a pirate costume) and they found a loot bag in the treasure hunt. For our spa party the kids made candles, bath salts, soap, etc. They take home these things and no one is stuff with a bunch of candy or dollar store junk. I HATE the goodie bag stuff my kids bring home from parties. I always gets thrown away.
We have never gone overboard with birthday parties. Each child is given a choice, either a special family day (Examples: theme park or dinner/movie,...) OR a small party at home with their friends. Small meaning no more than 10 kids invited. We prefer to keep things simple and not go broke. DS has mentioned having a party at the Cartoonist Academy this year. I've looked into it and it's reasonable without all the bells and whistles and a limited number of guests. Some years we offer another choice, and that is to receive a special something they had been saving for as a birthday gift in lieu of a party or family day.
Haven't read all the posts but - Natalie has had 2 bday parties, but from all of my nieces/nephews and friends' kids, I think they are way out of control. Just from my experience with the people WE know and the parties WE'VE been to, it seems like it's a big party for the parents. It's not that we have the magicians and the big themes around here, it's just BIG. TONS of mom and dad's friends and tons of kids. The alcohol is flowing and the kids are playing all of these planned games together.
Natalie has had 2 big parties, but they were family only and we have a big family. I don't mind big family. When she's old enough to invite friends (we don't have neighbors, live in the boonies), then she can invite a limited # of friends. I was never allowed to invite more than 8-10 friends when I was growing up, and that cut it down to the people who I was REALLY friends with. I *think* we will do the same, but I'm speaking ahead here. I just can't imagine doing anything bigger than that as far as friends go. Plus, if I spend all the oney on the party, I can't buy gifts and I like doing that! LOL
We only invite the kids friends. Generally we have 10-15 kids here. No alcohol and very few (if any) parents.
We have been to the parties you mentioned and I think that they are about the parents and not the kids.
Lara likes small, intimate groups, just like dh and I. So when her birthday comes, it is family only. She has two sweet cousins her age, so it's just right.
Excess seems to be the trend. I don't like it, and I find Lara is the same.
I guess the fact that drinking is going on at a child's party is confusing to me. We went to one recently. We left very early. I am not against alcohol consumption at an adult only party. Yet, this party we attended was a swim party. Dh and I were not drinking, and we with another couple were worried about the many unattended children in the pool. As the afternoon went on, it grew worse. Isn't the party supposed to be about the little ones? I'm a prude, I know. I just find this surprising.
Wouldn't it be nice if the birthday party trend did reverse itself. I agree with Tayjar. I don't really think the kids want the lavish parties. I know my dd wants things sweet and simple.
To start with, most of the lavishness spent on dd's parties are my fault. I'm the one who gets out of hand. It's not even my dd's fault. Isn't that awful? But once I get started, I don't know when to stop and dh won't tell me to stop. The problem is dd loves everybody and loves to go to parties. Very friendly young un. There are 12 including her in her K class. She wants to invite them. Then I have 5 girlfriends from various times in my life and they have 8 kids between them about the same age and they are all close friends of dd's, too. Then there is 1 little girl that dd has been friends with since they were babies in the nursery together at church. And 1 family that used to be our neighbor. We really like them but they moved about 2 hours away so we get together at birthdays and Christmas. And before you know it, there are 25 kids. And then I get to worrying if I should invite so and so. I don't know when to stop.
But I had forgotten about setting the price. We used to do that with th boys. Now I remember another reason we didn't have alot of big parties and I can stop feeling guilty. We used to set the price of $150 then tell them party and whatever is left will be spent on gifts or they can keep the cash and spend as they wish or tell us what they want for that value. As they got older it was invariably cash, family dinner out and movies or waterpark or something with one or two friends.
But since she has been too little to make that decision, I'd completely forgotten about that. Thank you ladies for reminding me. I think that is what I'll do next year. But we have got to start cutting back. Otherwise what will I have to do for her wedding to top her birthday parties? I can't believe I let myself get so carried away like this.
My mother says it's genetic and being Southern. My mama can have 5 people coming for dinner and she cooks for 30. She just doesn't know when to call it quits.
I think I get more carried away with the decorations and gifts, not the people and making it bigger and bigger. I probably spent $50-60 on decorations last year, which is silly because I could have bought another gift or put it in her piggy bank. Those themed decorations though can get expensive and at the time she loved Barney sooo much!! LOL
I don't understand the drinking at kids' parties either. My birthday parties were so fun as a child. No other adults except my parents and maybe 6-8 friends from what I remember. My mom and dad made up silly games that were fun and my dad gave dollar bills for prizes, LOL!
Ya know what's big around here now? Limo parties. You rent a limo and invite a bunch of kids and you get driven around the city, sometimes stopping at a spa for a manicure or somewhere else. Is this common other places?
I am with the others who can't understand the drinking at the birthday parties. Ummmm...who's driving all of the kids home after the parents have enjoyed the open bar???
Maybe I'm missing something here, but how does anyone justify mixing alcohol and a child's birthday party?
If I were to show up and this was going on, we would leave. Immediately.
My son's 1st birthday party was at Chuck E. Cheese's. On a Saturday. With 20 people. My son's babysitter was late, so I held up the birthday cake for her. I had to buy extra pizza for my FIL because 2 pieces wasn't enough for him. The place was so packed that we couldn't play games without waiting in lines. It was so loud that my ears were ringing when we left. And at the age of ONE my son didn't have a CLUE what it was all about.
Since then, his birthday parties have been quiet Sundays here at home with the relatives and dinner, cake, ice cream, and gifts. Except for last year, his 10th birthday. One of his friends had spent the night and the next day we had 12 of his friends over and had pizza and got gifts. It only lasted 2 - 1/2 hours and then it was done. whew!
But really, until the kids reach an understanding of what the day is, the parties are really more for the adults than they are for the kids.
When my dks were little, we always just did small family parties. Except one year when my oldest was 2. We had a party at Gymboree. My good friend's daughter had her birthday a week later then his. They both were in gymboree with the same kids. So, we split the party and invited the kids from their class, along with family. Since we split the party, it was inexpensive. It was also nice because I was 8 months pregnant. I didn't have to do anything but show up with the cake.
My older ds never wanted a big party until last year. He always just wanted to do something special with the family like going to the zoo, going to a movie, and out to pizza, etc. Last year, when he turned 8, he wanted a big party at Pump It Up. We did invite his entire class, but he was at a small private school, and he had been in class with these same kids for 2 years. It was really lots of fun. He had a blast. We did get him a much smaller present since he wanted the big party. His birthday is coming up again, and he has decided to just invite 4 or 5 friends to go bowling. We will probably come back home after that and have pizza and cake.
My youngest has also only had one big party. When he was 5, he wanted to have a party at a sporting place, it had batting cages, and a sports basketball gym. Since his birthday is right around 4th of July, I invited more dks because I thought a lot wouldn't come. Boy, was I wrong. We invited the boys from his class, and his baseball team. Everyone showed up, and most of the parents just dropped off their kids. So, I had about 20 5 and 6 yr olds running around. It was a nightmare. Don't get me wrong, my ds had a great time. But, I said, never again. He is thrilled that our new subdivision has a pool. He wants to have family and a few friends over for a pool party.
Now I will say that my dks have been invited to parties, that they didn't really know the child. We always just decline the invite. Last year, my ds got invited to a party for a little girl in his class. We were out of town, so he didn't go. But, I heard from the other moms that it was a pony theme. She actually hired ponies for pony rides. I couldn't even imagine. Ds was so sad he missed it.
I have never been to a kid's birthday party that involved adults and alcohol. Not even the birthday parties at the lake. Not sure what I would think if I did.
I do have a friend who has neighbors that are her and her family's best friends. They do a neighborhood party and have a pony keg for about 16 adults on the patio. They cook out, swim and play in the yard. Everybody's birthdays are whole family events. None of them drink that much. And they all walk home. That doesn't seem too bad to me but I've never been to one. I think I would feel weird at a kid's party that had an open bar.
I agree 100% that kids partys have gotten out of hand. I don't understand why people spend over $200 to have a party at a place other than home. For my ds's 5th birthday I spent over $100 to have it at a place like Chuck E. Cheese's. It was fun, but why spend that much?
Since my ds had his at somewhere other than home, my dd wanted the same. So we rented a pavilion at a local park for $30 because i was not about to spend $100+ again for a party. Invited 7 friends and had cake, and munchies, did about 2 games and the rest of the time they played on the playground. It was fun and inexpensive and easy for me.
I try to keep the amount of kids at about the same age as the child. This year ds turned 6, so he had about 6 kids over our house. They played in the playroom, we did one game, they hade mini corn dogs and bagel bites to eat along with cake. They all had a blast and it was inexpensive. I think i got a few things from the dollar store for the goody bags.
We usually have a kids party on a Saturday and then on Sunday we would have family over, which one adds up to 10 people. We have dinner, cake and do presants.
Another thing that's big around here (going from my early teen nephews) is to rent a hotel room for a big group of friends so you can swim. Maybe that's because it's only warm enough to swim outside here about 3mths. out of the year. My nephew did that last year.
I'm just going to grit my teeth thru this party this year. I'm not getting pizza or any other food except cake, ice cream, and drinks. Small goody bags and the 25 kids can play. Next year we will have to decide where to cut back. Her 1st grade class will be 20ish and I am NOT having a party for 30+ kids. We are going to have to sit down and really decide who she considers her closest friends and who she really likes and plays with. I can't have a little girly party because 2 of her best friends are little boys of 2 of my best friends. And a party in January is kind of tough because it's cold and it would drive me nuts to have too many kids in the house at one time. We'll figure it out but I like some of the ideas mentioned above.
I was thinking about that REALLY expensive party I mentioned at the beginning. It was a bat mitzvah for his 13 year old dd. He had Kenny G, Aerosmith and Don Henley among others playing at the party at the Rainbow Room in New York. The goody bags were only $1000. And she had invited 300 of her best friends.
My question, as if there could be only one regarding this party, is what on earth do you get the girl whose daddy gives out $1000 gift bags? What could she possibly want or need?
We have never done elaborate parties. My dk's both had there 4 b-day at McDonalds and that was only around 75$. We have had mostly family parties. My ds birthday is in the summer so we have been able to do things like go to the water park or just go to the park. But dd's is actually next Fri. We are taking her to Build a Bear. Just us and her and her brother will get something. I couldn't afford to take other kids and she was okay with this. Last year for her 5th. She had a slumber party. That did not go over so well. There were 4 girls and none of them ended up spending the night. They are just to young at that age. But really that party did not cost me a lot of money. They were 5 they just played. So I guess you would say that we do not spend a lot. Probably with presents and all we stay around $150. I have even done things like paid for them to be in a class or sport they wanted. My dk's have so much stuff its not funny and they enjoy that just as well.
BETH!!!! You're dd will be 6 on the 26th????? My dd will be 6 on the 26th!!!!!
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