Another "What would you do?"
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Another "What would you do?"
We had people here last night for dinner. One family has a new born, a 4 year old and a 6 or 7 year old. The Father of this family has been friends with DH since they were small children, so a lot of history here, meaning I have to tread very carefully.
Their kids when they come here behave like animals. The girl is 4 and the boy is 6. The girl is fine on her own but the boy is rambunctious. Our playroom today is a complete disaster, there is not a toy left in its place. They literally turned the place upside down. I find the play gets way too rough and out of hand and I find myself asking the boy we'll call him "B" to be more gentle and not play so rough or constantly redirecting him. Um is this my job? His parents do and say absolutely nothing; they just let their kids run wild. "B" is usually the one who ends up crying because Matthew has hit him. Matthew hit B with a toy hammer last night and I made him apologize then sent B to sit on the sofa with his Father for some quite time.
Last night was such a mess, I had hurt my finger, DH had some weird stomach bug in the middle of entertaining and was no help at all so I was left to referee 3 children, make and serve dinner for 10 people and clean-up. Thank goodness my friend D was here her little one was an angel and she 6 months pregnant helped me with everything except the refereeing part.
I so wanted to be better prepared last night and was going to make a big batch of play dough to keep these kids entertained for awhile but I hurt my finger. I need some ideas or suggestions for the next time these kids come over. Games that don't get out of hand, that work for ages 3-6.
It's funny these people don't seem to mind one bit that their children tore apart my house last night, really you should see it and they also don't seem to mind me disciplining their children, although I really had to bite my tongue last night I did tell B at least 4 times to just cool it.
Any suggestions for the next dinner party? Besides me not being there. 
Don't have another dinner party.
Better yet, arrange to have dinner in a restaurant. Maybe when their kids embarass them in public they will decide that they ought to discipline them.
Mean, aren't I?
Why did you continue with the dinner party if your dh was under the weather?
Anyway, this needs some attention. I would hope that your dh would support you on this, since it's his friend. He needs to talk to his friend and tell him that this behavior is not acceptable in his house.
Try having an adult only dinner party. Make it a bit later, put your kids to bed and they can find a sitter.
Or hire a sitter to entertain the kids, in the playroom, while the adults have dinner. Before the kids come over, put away some of the toys. Tell all kids that 30 minutes before everyone goes home, everyone will help pick up.
Be honest with the parents also. Tell them that last time all the kids were together the playroom was a wreck, so everyone will have to help pick up because it's not fair to your kids to have to do it themselves the next day.
Thanks you guys, but I really can't say anything to these people about their kids behaviour, I have to work with them the way they are. Think about it, how would you feel if someone said something about your kids (whether true or not) if you didn't see things the same way you might be offended and I can't risk that with these people. I know DH will not say a thing.
As for DH getting sick it started right at dinner time. Everyone was here and we were ready to sit down to eat, I couldn't just send them home, one family we had not seen in a year, (another childhood buddy) and they live 1-1/2 away. So I sent him to sit on the sofa while we all ate dinner, it was a strange evening.
Restaurants are out of the question, mine are too little and no one would relax. The adult dinner parties we can't do either, the whole purpose of getting together is to be together as families, these guys literally grew-up together so they want to be together as families, does that make sense?
I like the hiring a sitter idea, I have a couple of teenage girls in the neighbourhood that I could ask, also like the idea of putting some toys away and the tidy up before you leave bit.
Keep those ideas coming please; I need some game ideas we are going to see these people on a regular basis and most probably more there than at their place simply because we have more space.
Oh do I feel your pain!! We have some close friends and are in a similar situation. We don't get together that often because of it...but when we do I try to be very strict with my kids...and rephrase our house rules. For example I don't let the kids run around the house with food- especially things that stain, so I say "okay ds's don't forget we don't eat away from the table, no exceptions" and make sure the other parents hear you clearly. Also you might want to try telling all the kids as the family is packing up to leave "okay, clean up time...everyone clean up 10 things (they often clean up more)". That has worked with me. I still have a mess, but not nearly as bad and it gets the message to the parents without having to confront them. Good luck. It's tough when your good friends are raising their kids differently.
Oh I forgot to add...you might want to try to have them over when the weather is nice so they can run around outside. That will get some energy out of the kids and keep your house a little cleaner. Good luck!!
You've gotten some great advice. Just hugs from me and congratulations on getting through such a difficult evening.
Ame
I understand that you want to keep the peace and not offend anyone, but it's your house and your rules. Your hubby should have enough respect for you to stand up for you. You and he shouldn't allow them to walk all over you and your rules just because they might get offended. Aren't YOU offended by THEIR lack of concern for you, your home, or your feelings? You mean it's okay for them to offend you, but not the other way around?
If they were real true friends, they would care about your feelings, and they wouldn't be offended when you tell them that you aren't happy about the condition of your home when they left the last time. They would do what it takes to work with you and make the evening enjoyable for all.
If this were only a one time deal, or once every 3-4 months, I could understand you not wanting to make a big deal about it. But then expect to have a repeat of last time.
Incidentally, I like the idea of hiring a teenager to keep them in check, and review the house rules when they all first arrive.
Good luck!
I understand that you can't say anything specifically to your DH's friend & kids. If that had happened to us though, we would no longer be having dinner parties with children. That's JMHO of how we would handle it. The children aren't "playing" together, they're just getting into trouble anyway and you' re let with the mess from inconsiderate people. I would NEVER leave a stranger's house that way, let alone a good friend's!
I know you said that eating out doesn't work for you, but if it were us, we would make adult plans to eat out (no children), and another day or night for just drinks, light after-dinner snacks, and play time for the kids OR just do a day thing with a really casual lunch that's more focused on the kids.
I'm appalled that none of these people helped you with the clean-up or kept their children under control. I can't imagine just letting my child run loose anywhere! What a rough night. I think play-doh sounds like a nightmare with already unruly children personally. It sounds they needed constant supervision, so why not plan a day that's more focused on the kids and not a formal meal and adult catch-up time?
Hiring a babysitter for your playroom - Isn't the point of the families playing together so that the adults can watch, interact, and enjoy the play their having also? If I were thinking of getting a sitter for the playroom, I'd just plan an adult's night out for dinner and let everyone hire their own babysitters. With a babysitter you're not participating anyway. I love for Natalie to get together with her cousins to spend family time (which doesn't happen often) and we all want to be there to watch them play together. Getting the sitter seems like it defeats the purpose to me, no? You can get a sitter and all go out to eat if that's the case.
Good luck and hugs. You were put in a bad situation and you made it through. Another suggestion..no more dinner parties at YOUR house! Let someone else clean up the mess and then see who starts suggesting adult dinners out, LOL.
I suggest having them over when the weather is nice instead of during the winter.
You could have a cookout, the kids could run around outside and get their energy out. And you can sit outside, have your drinks and watch the kids while talking to the adults......ahhh summer time sounds so nice right now LOL!
OR
Put on a kids movie and hope they sit down and chill out
I know that would work for some kids, but not all. It works with my
kids and their cousins when they get out of hand.
I understand that you dont' want to say anything and mess stuff up for your hubby and his buddy.
1/2 hour before they leave, (or when you think it's time for them to leave ) go tell them that they need to start cleaning up the toys.
It's totally not fair that YOU have to clean up the mess.
I really don't get why people are so rude. I would be horrified if my kids ran around a friends house like a bunch of crazies! Especially if i had not seen them in a while. I would be telling htem to calm down, going to check on them once in a while to make sure they were getting along with the other kids, etc..
I'm sorry you had such a bummer of an evening 
I totally agree that you all should just get baby sitters and go out for the adult evening, and maybe meet at a McDonalds playland or something like that for a lunch. Then the kids can play all they want and you don'g have to clean up a thing!
Well when my kids had friends or family members over we didn't see in a while I would say no one goes in the room to play. I used to make my kids watch tv cause all I would hear was you should see what so and so broke they should have to replace it and they would say what if I went to there house and broke there toys they would be mad at me for it. So my kids would say well mom since its nice out can we go play outside I said go right ahead but I don't want no one running in and out I said it loud enough that the moms would hear me. I know I seemed mean but when we were at there house I seen how there parents would let there kids walk all over them. Now that the kids are old they still walk all over them and when the kids say just to mom its like how high. These kids got in so much trouble when they got older cause of the way they were raised and all I say to there mom when they say something to me is that you left the kids get away with everything so what did you expect was gonna happen. The way the kids talk to them if they were my kids I would of raised my hand to them many of times I know its not right to do that but the kids should be taught a lesson when they are small.
And here is a funny one my older daughter has a baby well she is gonna be 1 this month well when my daughter was younger she told her sister there is no Santa around Christmas. I said oh yea Jen are you gonna tell your daughter there is no Santa she said NO WAY I said why you told your sister remember that and she just laughed, she said mom I hope she thinks there is a Santa for years I said just remember that.
Thanks again everyone. DH and I talked about it and I was quite surprised that DH said we should set some ground rules for the kids when they come over. The only problem with that is we would have to be the enforcers for their children. Which makes no sense to me.
Lisa, I totally get where you are coming from, but I'm not offended by their behaviour, everyone is different. They are a very laid back family and while it's not for me, I don't want to judge them too harshly. They are not being intentionally rude. I think that if I thought they thought "Hey, were going over to the "Smiths" house let's let the kids go nuts" then yes I would be upset, but I don't think that's the case. They really have no idea that their children's behaviour is upsetting to us.
As for going outside they would need absolute and complete supervision which would be fine if their parents got involved but I know that they would just sit there and say nothing. Strange I know.
We are all members of the YMCA so we will try and limit our interaction to the Y, family swims and playtime and if it means dinner, then we will be happy to go over to their house.
I was just thinking, there has been so much drama in our lives lately. It seems after every family or friend gathering I'm here posting about the latest thing. Will have to think about that some more and try to come up with some answers as to why that is happening.
Post away, heaven...it's what we all do!
With so many kids and so much work for you to do, I have 2 words for the adults and 2 for the parents...
1) Kids- Finding Nemo
2) Parents- Strawberry Margaritas
And, I totally know what you mean by just going with the flow and not wanting to intervene and discipline someone else's child.
Can you go and visit their house since they have more children? Please tell me that they reciprocate.
To add...I think it's wonderful that you guys make the effort in seeing each other. I really really think that it was just unfortunate that your DH was sick all of the sudden. If he hadn't been sick, you wouldn't have felt so overwhelmed.
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