My dd is in 8th grade. She called me today from school and asked me to bring her another pair of jeans. I asked why and she said she just needed another pair of jeans. She was calling from the office phone and I could hear a bunch of people around her and so I asked her if she needed a pair because of her period I knew with all the people around she wouldn't come out and say that. She says "Yes, I think so". So I cut my errands short, go home find her some new jeans and take them to school. I talk to her while at school and find out that she didn't "need" the jeans she just didn't like the jeans she had on. Earlier this week she insited that she needed "skinny" leg jeans in order to wear the tall boot she got from Grandma for Christmas. So I bought the skinny jeans and she left for school wearing the jeans and the boots. She decided sometime during school that she didn't like either the boots or the jeans and so put on her gym tennis shoes and called me for a different pair of jeans because she says the jeans looked really bad with tennis shoes. She was going to go to the mall today with some friends after school but I told her that she will now be coming home instead. I tend to over react so I'm looking for opinions on how I handled this. I am very irritated that she called me to bring her new jeans when she didn't NEED them she just wanted them beacuse she decided (or someone said something about) she didn't like the jeans and boots she JUST HAD TO HAVE. I guess if she had called me after school and asked me to bring jeans along when I came to school to pick her up I wouldn't have had a problem with it but asking during the middle of the day and asking me to bring them ASAP was a bit too much for me.

By Tonya on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:06 pm:

I think the punishment fits the crime. There was nothing wrong with what she was wearing so she would have been fine until the end of the day. If I did that to my mom she would have been livid way more than not letting me go to the mall.

By Cat on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:09 pm:

Nope. I don't think you're mean at all. She lied, plain and simple.

By Vicki on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:11 pm:

I don't think you over reacted either. For one thing, she knowing lied. And she knowing lied because she knew if she told you the truth, you wouldn't have brought the jeans. She knew exactly what she was doing. I don't think you were too hard either. I wouldn't have been very happy about it either.

By Sandysmom on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:37 pm:

You are a great mom and you did the absolute right thing. Good for you!

By Tink on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:44 pm:

Ditto everyone else. I would have done the same thing...I hope!

By Heaventree on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:44 pm:

I agree with everyone else, you did the right thing and I doubt she'll be calling again for a wardrobe change.

By Kay on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:48 pm:

You're right on track with what I would have done, and believe me, I've BTDT!

By Luvn29 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 04:04 pm:

I guess I would say, I'd have to know more. Is there a possibility that someone said something that maybe embarrassed her badly? I know how cruel kids can be, and eighth grade can be a difficult age. She may have felt that she had to get new jeans if she was embarrassed enough.

I don't think it was good that she lied, but maybe she was humiliated enough to feel it warrented it.

Of course, if she was just being wishy-washy, that's totally different. But I'd make sure something didn't happen to make her feel self-conscious. That can be a terrible feeling. You don't want her to feel that she can't come to you for those things...

By Reds9298 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 04:23 pm:

You go Mom! I think you did the right thing.

By Mom2three1968 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 06:29 pm:

I agree with everyone else you did the right thing!!

By Kaye on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 06:36 pm:

I am on adena's side. She didn't flat out lie. She did bend the truth, but only when given an easy out. It is hard to talk in the office. She should have said something like, if it is convienient, or afterschool if you can. I think the punishment fits the crime. but I don't think either is bad. jr high is tough, but they have to figure it out!

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 07:32 pm:

Was this a first offense? Has she pulled that sort of thing before? Depending on my mood and what I had to drop for my kid, we may have had one of those "this is not acceptable behavior, next time ..." talks. But I don't think your punishment (I don't really call that punishment) was overboard.

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 08:43 pm:

Someone must have made fun of those boots...
I think you did the right thing though. She knows now that she can't just call mom if she made a fashion blunder. I can't believe she thought you would come in the first place.
Does she always insist like this, regarding clothes? There's NO way I'd ask my dad or mom to bring me something I didn't really need.
Doesn't she have gym clothes or something? Her self esteem isn't in the textiles but that age is hard.

By Hol on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 11:08 pm:

I would have done the exact same thing. I hate it when kids lie and manipulate. The idea that you have no life, and you are going to drop what you are doing to come to school, and especially for that reason. Yes, I know that kids can be cruel, and girls can be very catty, but she has to learn that Mom is not a messenger service.

I, too, have BTDT. When my DD was way younger than your's (2nd grade, I think), I had started doing day care for a little girl. My DS Danny was only three and at home with me also. I got a call from the nurse's office saying that Debbie was sick. I went down to school and she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. Didn't look sick to me. She had Brownies right after school at the church that was next door to the school. She would wear her Brownie uniform to school, and walk right over there, and I would meet her at Brownies (which she loved). Well, she was jealous that I had this little girl home with me, so she didn't want to stay in school anymore. I told her that if she came home with me, there was no Brownies that day. That if she was too sick for school, she was too sick for Brownies. Well, she had a "miraculous recovery" right before my eyes! LOL! I know she was young, but she never pulled it again.

My youngest DS, Mike, however, (age 18) gets off the school bus at work after school. He is a senior and only has his driving permit. He called me recently and said, and I quote, "You need to bring me a work shirt. I forgot mine". NOT!! I tell them that I don't NEED to do anything but pay taxes and die, so they NEED to be more responsible. He was able to get another shirt from the courtesy desk.

Kids need to learn that we love them, but we are not at their beckon call whenever. You DEFINITELY did the right thing, and are NOT a mean Mommy. (If you are, then I am right there with you).

By Hol on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 11:10 pm:

BTW, you gave her an excuse when you asked her if it was her period. She probably thought, "Dang..I wish I'd thought of that". LOL!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, January 5, 2007 - 12:37 am:

I would have never dared pull that shenanigan. I only lived a 5-minute walk from my school. If I would have pulled it, she probably would have made me come and get it.

Oh, and if you thought you were sick and got to stay home from school, don't do yoga with the lady on the tv. Yeap, my mom made me go to school, at lunchtime.

My kids never called me for a wardrobe change. What they more often called about, or realized on the way to school, was that they forgot their instrument. Sometimes we brought them and sometimes we didn't. No one forgets anymore.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, January 5, 2007 - 01:16 am:

I lived almost 20 miles from school, so my mom wouldn't have gone for that, either.

But I was very self-consious as well.

I believe that you did the right thing, and I tend to over react as well. But, after I calm down, I always sit down with ds and talk to him and pick his brain until he comes out with what is really going on. I only hope I can still do that in another 2-4 years when he hits the teen years.

Communication is SOOOO important, and I would definitely sit down with your dd and find out why it was so darned important to her and why this was such an emergency for her.

Tell her that you were angry that she lied, and that she made you go out of your way to satisfy her wardrobe whims. Make it clear that you will not do that for her again, and that she should be sure of what she wants to wear to school by the time she leaves in the AM, because she will be wearing it the WHOLE day.

But also tell her that she is beautiful no matter what she wears, that you love her very much, and that if people are going to judge her based on her clothes, then they aren't the kinds of people that she really wants in her life anyway.

By Cocoabutter on Friday, January 5, 2007 - 01:18 am:

"I tell them that I don't NEED to do anything but pay taxes and die, so they NEED to be more responsible. "

LOL I LOVE it!

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, January 5, 2007 - 05:46 am:

I think you are right on track. I agree, probably someone made some "fashion" comment to her and she felt self-conscious, but that's something she is going to have to learn to live with. It is absolutely right that she should have some consequences for putting you to the trouble of coming to school for her in the middle of the day. She needs lessons in thinking about whether what she "wants" creates problems or inconveniences for others.

When things have cooled off a bit, can you and she talk about this and maybe get her to tell you exactly what led to her phone call to you? It would be nice if you could help her to begin to learn that the comments from other girls might just be jealousy or just plain nastiness and help her to think of some things she could have said. Given that she changed to her sneakers, I wonder if the boots were the issue. A possible response, the most bland, is - well, maybe you don't like them, but I do. She now has something to think about - that if she lets her "friends" judge her wardrobe and decides to accept their judgment and try to change clothes, she may have to pay some consequences, like not being able to go with those friends to the mall after school - and think about whether it is worth the price.

I remember when Greg begged for a pair of motorcycle boots. I told him he would have to go a year without his feet growing (he had been going through 2-3 shoe sizes a year for a while) before I'd spend that much money. So, for Christmas between his 16th & 17th birthday he finally got the long wished for boots, and wore them to school the first day after the holiday. He came home really upset, almost in tears, because all of his "friends" had teased him about the boots and made him very unhappy. I was very pleased when he finally said something like -well, I don't care if they don't like them, I do, and I'm going to wear them. This was a very important point for him, because he was used to (a) being popular and (b) going along with what the other boys were doing in order to remain popular, including doing some things that I thought were unkind to other boys and not what I wanted him to do. I was very concerned that peer pressure and his desire to be popular could lead him into doing something really wrong. So I was delighted when he decided that peer pressure wasn't as important as his personal liking for the boots. He wore them to school most days for the rest of the semester, and wouldn't you know, kept on growing and outgrew them the next summer.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, January 5, 2007 - 05:50 am:

Oh, by the way, being a "mean Mom" is part of the job. When my sons would say "why do I have to ...", my response became "because I'm a mean Mom". Short and sweet, and they knew exactly what it meant - no arguments, you just do it. And, later on, when friends would try to talk them into doing something they knew they shouldn't and really didn't want to do, they had the excuse of "well, you know my mom" to get them out of being pulled into that something. I heard Greg use that line more than once, and he explained to me once that he really didn't want to do whatever it was but didn't want to be called "chicken", so he used his "mean Mom" as the reason he wouldn't do it - and his friends all understood and agreed that he couldn't do it. When you're a teenager, it is much safer, socially, to be able to blame your parents when you want to not do something than to stand up for what is "right", and that's OK. It goes with the territory of being a parent.