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Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive January 2007: Update on Court Hearing
The Court was finished by lunch time and when the caseworker called, she said that the hearing will be continued sometime at the end if January. The reason is, the judge wants the opinions of a few child psychologists as to how it would affect dd should she remain with us for another year to 2 and then go back to her mom. To me that is a no-brainer, but I have absolutely no say whatsoever. You see, dd's biological mother is in jail until March of '08, and has never really parented dd. We have had her since she was 4 days old and even though there were visitations, it was not overnight or anything so her mother never really parented her. I am the only mother she knows and we are the only family she knows. So, what do you think? I would think it would be harmful even at this point to remove her from us. By the time her mother gets out of jail, establishes herself back in the world, and gains a relationship with dd, dd will be over 4 years old.
Don't you give up, I was so sad when they took that little girl away from her adoptive parents and gave her back to the birth mother who had gotten back together with the birth father, I believe the little girl was 2 or three years old, probably closer to three and if I remember correctly they didn't stay together. I think your definately right on about it being harmful everything she has ever known will be ripped right out from under her, what are they thinking?! I think they should leave well enough alone and let her be where she will have the best possible future, gosh, I feel for you I really, really do!! Many prayers for you, your family and your lovely little dd.
Ditto Mom2three, don't give up... any good psychologist will realize that going to her bio mom after eerything she's been thrugh would be detrimental. Fingers are still crossed for you... BIG HUGS!!!!
Oh Sandy...what torture!! I don't want to scare you, but we were always told in all of our classes that we attended at CPS, that reunification of the birth family is always the goal, if possible. However, you are right. It doesn't take rocket science to know that YOU are her Mommy, in every sense of the word. It would be devastating for her to go to a Mommy that she doesn't even know. And, (forgive me, ladies) what can this woman give her child? She is a felon. It will be hard for her to find sustainable employment, a suitable place to live, etc. And how do we know that she won't lapse back into the behaviours that caused her conviction in the first place? It IS a no-brainer, but the so-called "experts" have to weigh in on it. Does the birth Mom even WANT her?
Sandy I do agree that it would be very difficult for your dd to be removed from her family (your family). We adopted my son when he was 2 1/2 years old he had lived with a wonderful foster family for just under a year at the time. It was heartbreaking for all of us on the day that we visited them before leaving China. For him leaving his foster family and China was the best thing for him due to his special needs but it was very hard for him for a very long time. He is just now starting to be really comfortable and confident that this is his forever family. It has taken 2 1/2 years of intense attachment parenting to make it the point we are at now. If you want to "talk" feel free to eMail me S t o l z 7 at w i n d s t r e a m d o t n e t
I just pray that everything goes your way. As outsiders it is to easy for us to see what it right for this child. Being with the parents she has been raised with. Good Luck!!
I think it is sad that they look at the rights of the bio parents over the health (emotional, physical etc) of the child. It is as if they are non feeling property, instead of human beings. I think the mother took the steps she took and got herself in the situation she is in and her child should not have to pay for it.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Well said, Bobbie.
What state do you live in, Sandy's Mom? I used to represent both kids and parents in CPS cases -representing both sides was difficult for different reasons. Once I became pregant with my second child, I left the job and started doing appeals work from a home office. It just became too emotionally difficult. My role now involves reviewing everything that happened in court & then, if there's an error, I write about it & argue why the court/social worker/trial counsel erred. In the vast majority of my cases, the children stay with the foster parents and are NOT reunited with the parents. While it is true that the focus is on reunification with the bio family, in my courtroom my experience was that most typically - especially in drug or sex abuse cases - the children did not reunify with their parents. I'm confused why the mother in your case is being given so much time to reunify, because normally a parent is only entitled to 18 months of services & then services are terminated & the interest in the child's stability via adoption (the preferred permanent plan) becomes the court's primary concern.
Laura, could we possibly talk via e-mail?
Sandysmom,
I have a b-day party tomorrow afternoon. But, my e mail is scott dot f a m i l y 4 at v er i zo n dot n e t
My guys and their birth sister were removed from their Mom in 1994 but she wasn't TPR'd until 1998! They gave her THIRTEEN chances to "clean up her act". As I said before, when the day came to come try to fight for them one last time, she didn't show. One of the conditions for getting her kids back was leaving the man who abused all of her kids (the father of her daughter). In the end, she chose him over her kids.
My Mikey lived in a group home the longest of all of his placements. They made a "life book" for me before he came to live with us. It had some pictures of him when he lived there, and he wrote about himself. For his "saddest" day, he wrote that his Mom was supposed to come visit with him at the CPS office for Christmas, and she never showed up.
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