DH and I disagree about this, so I just wondered what others thought.

My family is throwing my mom a surprise retirement party this Sat. night at a local bar. She's worked there for 41 years and is the LAST of her friends to leave there. I mailed invites the second week in December.

A CLOSE friend of my mom's calls me yesterday to RSVP. They've been friends for 15 yrs. or so. She is a huge Indy Colts fan and has season tickets every year. She tells me that she can't make it to mom's party because the Colts playoff game (at home) is Sat. night and she's going to that. (Keep in mind, she retired a few years back and doesn't see my mom as often.)

I was polite on the phone but dumbfounded when I got off. I'm thinking - How could you miss this for a football game? DH says there's no way he would miss the playoff game for a friend's retirement. He says even for his Dad's retirement he wouldn't miss it. WHAT?! Am I a crazy person? Football over friendship? I don't get that. I personally think it's a reflection on what kind of friend this person is. Am I being too harsh?

Just curious what you all think since DH and I seem to COMPLETELY disagree on this particular situation!

By Tink on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 01:54 pm:

I think it's just a difference in understanding priorities. I wouldn't miss a friend's retirement party for any football game but if I'd been waiting for the chance to go to a great knit-a-thon for months and not knowing if there was space for me until a few weeks ahead of time (like the playoffs for a football game), it would be a tough decision. I'd balance out how important it would be to my friend that I attend her party and if she'd understand my reason for it.

The simplest terms I can put it in is that this football game isn't going to happen very often and she can meet up with your mom for a congratulations lunch on another day. It's not what I would do but plenty of people I know would.

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 02:08 pm:

To be honest, i would just be happy that she actually called to RSVP! Not many people do that any more.

Seriously, if she'd rather go to the big game than to a bar to congratulate you mom, than it shouldn't be that big a deal. I agree with Tink, she could meet up with your mom at any time. Her favorite team being in the playoffs probably doesn't happen every year. I'm not a big football fan, but I can understand her point.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 02:31 pm:

Football isn't that important to me. It just never is. But if I had tickets to a playoff game, there is no way I would miss that game, even for a retirement party.

It's been years since the Green Bay Packers made the playoffs. Not every team gets in. I don't blame her for not wanting to miss the game. It doesn't mean she doesn't care for your mom.

By Tarable on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 02:49 pm:

Well the real question is... how much did she pay for her playoff tickets. I know down here good tickets are about 100+ each for a regular season game. I know when I was in high school my boyfriend had season tickets to the cowboys and that was in the glory akimen, irving, smith years.. and we went to a playoff game but had 2 extra tickets (mind you that they were awesome 50 yard line lower level seats) but we sold them for about 300 each. I would have to say that I would probably have to skip a friend's retirement party and take them out another time to go to a playoff game of my favorite team..

And I am a HUGE football fan. But then again anyone that knows me would expect me to make that exact decision, and some of my friends would ask me if i was sick if i did anything else.. Maybe your mom already knows this about her friend and she is expecting her to not come.

By Cat on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 02:59 pm:

I can see both sides. I know there's no way my dh would miss a playoff game if given the oppertunity. Hopefully your mom's friend will try and get together with her another time.

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 03:12 pm:

I hope she can at least stop by and congratulate your mom! Or, invite her to the next playoff game! LOL Those tickets are expensive.

I was also dumbfounded when a friend of ours decided not to come to a "going away" party for Scott last January when he was deployed. She said "Goodbyes aren't our thing." I was fuming because she made it about them and didn't think about how it would make Scott feel. (Her hubby and him grew close and would even go to Ravens games together.)

Some friends go out of their way and, if they do, they're good friends. Sounds like her family is so awesome that she doesn't need friends like that! IMHO

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 03:28 pm:

I agree with you Deanna, but really, football fans are diehard. I'm not saying it's right, but it is a fact. I just hope your mom is not hurt by this should she find out.

By Kate on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 03:30 pm:

Wellll....I don't think a retirement party is a big deal, but that's just my opinion. Especially if this other woman already retired--it's not like this woman is going to now miss your mom because your mom is leaving and she is still there. She can congratulate her or take her to lunch or just drop by another day IMO. I positively HATE football, but I do understand that the playoffs don't just happen everyday, especially for your favorite team. She can visit your mom another time, but the playoffs won't occur another time. I realize the party won't occur another time, either, but again, it's really just a gathering of friends having fun, it's not a wedding.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 03:50 pm:

Well, I'm going to have to say I completely understand this friend wanting to go to the playoff game. They don't come too often. And being a huge NASCAR fan, I understand being a diehard fan. If they are good friends, then your mother should know the importance of something like this to her and understand. That's what being friends is about.

It's a retirement party, and probably most important to your mother and your immediate family. Other than that, it's just a fun gathering.

Your mother and her friend can get together anytime, especially now that she IS retired. And it will probably mean more because it is just the two of them.

If it were my party, and I found out that a good friend missed something like a playoff game, if that were important to her, then I would be upset that I was the reason. I don't think it has anything to do with what kind of friend she is...

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 06:45 pm:

My mom has no clue yet and I have no idea what she will think about it. It's a surprise party, so she won't know until that night that she's not there.

I'm a little shocked that someone thinks a retirement party isn't a big deal! *I* had a party when I quit teaching (that co-workers threw for me) and I taught for a mere 7 years. I know in that 7 yrs. I busted my butt and gave up a lot of my life to work. I don't think I deserved a party, but I think that's the point of a retirement party. 41 years is a long time to work. About 50 people from over the years have rsvp'd that they are coming because everyone is so happy for my mom. Sorry, just couldn't believe that one.

Thanks everyone for your honest opinions. I will continue to think it's ridiculous that she's choosing football, and I'm a big football fan. Guess I'm the oddball!LOL I really hadn't thought of the money side of it, since she has season tickets every year. If she paid extra for the tickets, it cuts her a little slack I guess.

Thanks for your thoughts! I was just curious.

By Kaye on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 06:50 pm:

I have attended 2 big retirement parties, one for my dad and one for my step mom. Honestly, there were so many people there, they wouldn't have noticed a friend not being there. Also if she knows her friend well she will also completely understand. It would personally mean more to me to have an intimate lunch with a close friend than to have them be one of the crowd.

I am one who would choose the game. It isn't a funeral, it is a party, and your mom is still around to spend time with.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 08:08 pm:

Okay, football is not my thing either. However, if I had tickets for the theater or the opera that night and couldn't exchange them, I would probaby decline also and call to set up a lunch date with the retiree sometime after the party. This way, I'd get to spend some quality time with my friend and also get to see my show.
Ame

By Crystal915 on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 08:38 pm:

I agree with Adena, I'm into NASCAR and NBA, and playoffs or a big race for my driver would be something I wouldn't want to miss. Of course, I'd make it up to the guest of honor by taking her out for a special day, just the 2 of us.

By Kate on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 09:19 pm:

Deanna, I didn't explain myself well, sorry! I don't think a retirement party is a big deal to those who are NOT part of the company. Your mom's friend retired earlier, therefore she's no longer part of the company, she will not 'miss' your mom the same way her current coworkers will. I don't think it's a big deal to other friends or relatives, either, since they don't work with her. This is all just my opinion, though, and I only was in the workforce for about two years before I quit when I got pregnant with my first child. And yes, I even got a party, but it was just a cake with my coworkers during the workday. Big parties with non company people invited just doesn't make that much sense to me I guess! I do hope, however, that your mom and everyone else has a good time!

By Mommmie on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 10:02 pm:

I think, generally speaking, tickets to a professional sporting event, esp playoffs level, has higher priority than most everything else.

By Hol on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 - 11:28 pm:

I would opt for the party, but then I am NOT into sports AT ALL!! In fact, it would have to be something once in a lifetime (like a wedding) that would cause me to opt out on a friend, so I'm with you.

Tink, I LOL about the knit-a-thon. THAT one I'd have to consider! LOL!

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 07:40 am:

She responded, which many don't. She didn't have to give a reason (according to Emily Post and Miss Manners), just decline, but did give a reason. I would bet that your mom, who knows this woman, would understand. If you want to spend energy being peeved about it, that's your privilege, but if it were me I'd just make a note on the guest list and move on.

By Unschoolmom on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 01:27 pm:

I tend to think that the response to almost any question that has, 'should I be peeved at this?" at it's core is 'no'.

Regardless of who's right, why waste the energy stewing over it?

By Cat on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 03:26 pm:

I asked my dh what he'd do and he said he'd miss his OWN retirement party to go to a play-off game! lol Different strokes...

By Reds9298 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 04:25 pm:

LOL Cat, My Dh would say the same thing.

Unschool...Not at all stewing. It just sparked an interesting conversation between DH and I, so I wondered what others thought. My mom will probably care less, but *I* wouldn't do it.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, January 4, 2007 - 07:35 pm:

I bet your mom will understand if they've been friends a long time.

By Melanie on Saturday, January 6, 2007 - 11:09 pm:

I am late on this one, but as a diehard Patriot fan, I would miss just about any party for just about anyone to go to a Pats playoff game.

By Luvn29 on Sunday, January 7, 2007 - 10:25 am:

Well, the Colts won! How did your mom's party go?

By Reds9298 on Sunday, January 7, 2007 - 01:23 pm:

Adena- It was GREAT and a really big surprise! Thanks for asking. I posted some pics on the Photo Board.