Well I did tonight. I have posted anon about this family before. There is just something not right there drugs, alcohol something. My dd and this girl became friends in preschool. I am not one to be uppity and pretentious. I work in social work and I used to all different kind of situations. So I don't have a problem with my dd being friends with this little girl. Honestly she is actually a very nice little girl and more behaved then some of my friends kids who supposedly come from good homes. It's the parents that are the problem. I just have always known that my dd can never play over there.

They actually don't go to the same school this year. But the little girl still calls my dd. Her mother will actually call me and say that M would like to come over sometime. I try to accomdate when I can. Even though it irks me when she does this. Because I feel like she is trying to get rid of M. This last weekend she even tried to get me to take her son. Which I did say no. She made sure I knew that he felt bad about not going when I picked up M today for a visit.

So now to the part about the money. She called me before I brought M home and asked me to borrow $20. I realize this is not a lot of money. But honestly with the holidays. I don't even have it to spare and that is not an exageration. I know this women probably thinks I am lying. But I don't feel like I owe her an explanation. So why do I feel bad!!??

I guess I worry does this mean that M and her little brother won't eat? I could have asked more questions but I was actually kind of shocked and I felt like it wasn't my business. I would buy some food and take it to them before I would give money. But I am not in a position to even spare it right now. I have enough in my cabinets to make it through. I just feel bad. I should be more thick skinned. I work in this field and hear it all the time. It just feels bad when its someone you know. I made my dh go with me to bring her home because I didn't want to face her alone. I am such a wimp. She actually didn't mention it. My dh said we may have to cut off this friendship. I don't know what to do. If you got this far thanks for listening. I just wanted to add. I did give both kids presents for Christmas. I wanted to make sure that they had something. This was before she asked for the moneyh.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 09:34 pm:

I know how you feel. I have been in the situation of being asked for favors, mostly borrowing things, not money. But, if you lend once, you will be asked again and again. You risk setting in motion a pattern of being expected to come through for this person which may include guilt trips and hard feelings when and if you say no. So, you did the right thing by not lending the cash. Had you given this woman money, it may well not have gone for food, but for drugs or alcohol. Giving food would have been the better way to go.

Being in this business, you know that if you see any signs of neglect or if you suspect that the mom may be abusing drugs or alcohol, you should report it to children's protective services.

Best of luck.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 10:06 pm:

You are right if I thought that she was in danger or being neglected I would do what needed to be done. But other then being dirty sometimes and not having the nicest things and two parents who are not the brightest. The little girl is taken care of. They make sure she has a winter coat ect... Also if I had any proof they were doing drugs or something I would also report it. But beyone dh's and I suspcions. I can't prove it. I know these people are well involved in the system such as the salvation army, food pantries ect.. I think someone will see it if there is abuse.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 10:35 pm:

I think you did the right thing... And I wouldn't feel guilty for saying no. I have family members that call two weeks before the end of the month, every month, up until the night before her SSI check goes in, begging us for money. You go into the house and they have food, utilities and such... They just need beer money, snack foods etc.. If you offer to go pick them up milk, food, cleaning supplies she gets offended and gets snotty. I figure it is my money, if she is getting it it is being spent the way I see fit. I am not like this with people I know are going to do right with the help but I know she won't.

I agree, things like this can snow ball really quickly and should be avoided if at all possible. Still feel you did the right thing.. If she would have really needed it, for lets say gas, she wouldn't have just asked for the money she would have explained why.. The way it sounds, she is in the habit for reaching out for help..

By Kaye on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 10:43 pm:

One of my GS moms has a bad habit of this. What I can say is this, if you give her the money, expect her to ask again and again. You can't gix her and really 20 dollars won't fix her, you owe her nothing.

I give when I think it is appropriate (not to this lady though), but I always resent being asked and then that being followed with the expectation that I should. Really what I do with my cash is between my family and God.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, December 27, 2006 - 10:44 pm:

I've had coworkers I barely know ask to borrow money, as well as family members. I just say "No, I never loan money to anyone."

I haven't had any of my son's friends' moms ask for money but there was one mom who had other ways to get money from people, ways I never fell for. I did give her all my son's hand me downs since she has 3 sons. Finally, the friendship ended. She was a nice lady with a good heart, but she drank too much and her DH had trouble finding a job post military service so there was a lack of money and she had a problem with spending too much money. I never let my son play over there.

By Sandysmom on Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 07:59 am:

You did the right thing. I think you are just worried about the kids not having something they need.

By Dandjmom on Friday, December 29, 2006 - 10:53 am:

Anon I am a lot like you and often feel guilty when I say no. It's usually family that asks to borrow, but I'm a single parent and I don't always have sometime I have to wait for my pay check or what little i get for my son form child support. But as long as I have utilities, food and the basic necessities I can make it through the few days until payday. And yes I feel that if I'm going to loan you the money it should be spent how I see fit not alcohol (I don't drink) but if I did thats my habit I wouldnt' look for anyone else to support it. But to make a long story short to avoid the guilt of saying no, this year one of my New Year's resolutions is not to loan or borrow money in 2007. I know it sounds like a whimp, I 've had a hard time saying the word no all my life , am getting better with it but I feel guilty for saying it now.