Another School Vent & Update (long)
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Another School Vent & Update (long)
Some of you may remember my post a while back about my ds and his 1st grade teacher. Well, yesterday I withdrew him from that school and he will be starting in private school in January. That woman put him through pure hell (sorry, I can't post anything nicer and remain accurate) for the past five months and yesterday was simply and utterly mind-blowing. Here's what happened...
Yesterday was the last day of school before the Winter Break and all the classes were having a party day so I decided to let my ds stay and have one fun day with his classmates before leaving. I had emailed the teacher on Monday letting her know that my ds would be transferring to another school and to please have his belongings gathered so that I could pick them up on Wednesday. Her one word replying email was "ok". Well, I thought that was a little rude, but didn't let it bother me. So I went to pick him up yesterday afternoon and when I got to his classroom I first looked through the window on the door to make sure I wouldn't be interrupting anything and the children were sitting at their tables doing crafts so I knocked on the door. The teacher looked up, saw me, and deliberately looked away without acknowledging me. So I opened the door and walked in. The woman ignored me as if I hadn't even entered the room! She wouldn't look at me nor did she speak to me. So I looked around the room for a few moments for my child and didn't see him anywhere. Finally I approached the teacher and asked her where my ds was and she pointed to a corner behind a table that was about as far away from the rest of the class as you could get. There my 6yo sat on the floor in the corner with his head bowed and looking so sad. It broke my heart to see him so defeated and I am tearing up now just writing about it. I told my ds to get up and come get his stuff so we could leave. So he and I go to his table and at that point the teacher comes over and grabs the pouch off the back of his chair, pulls out all of his school papers and coloring sheets and throws them, does not place them, throws them on the floor for us to pick up! She was right by the table and she throws them on the floor! Can you tell I am still shocked by this??? So we pick them up, gather the rest of his things and go to leave. She does not tell my ds good-bye, does not hug him, tell him she will miss him, nor does she even say anything to the class about how now Will is leaving and everyone say bye, nothing! Whether or not she will miss him or cares for him is immaterial to me. The fact is, he is a 6yo child and was treated, imo, in a heartless, hateful, and hurtful way and in my presence, no less! As we are walking out the door I turned and said, "Merry Christmas" (and not in a snotty tone as you might imagine I would) to which she replied, "Fine!". I have never in my life been treated that way by a teacher nor have I ever seen a child treated that way by a teacher. On the way home I asked my ds about his party and he said that it wasn't fun at all. I asked why and he told me that his teacher only let him have water while the other kids got cookies and koolaid. He said that his teacher told him that the other stuff had food coloring in it so he couldn't have it. This woman has given him food dyes against my wishes (and after repeated requests that she not do so) all year long. She was still giving it to him last week, but then for the party she suddenly won't let him have it. He also didn't get to do the crafts, he said, because she made him sit in the corner all day for "talking too much". I will be writing a letter to the principal with a copy going to the school board about everything that has gone on this year! I have been documenting since about the fourth week of school. I want everything this woman has done to my child to be on file. I want people to know what she is like. She shouldn't be teaching obedience classes to dogs, let alone 1st grade to children! IMO, what she did to my ds this year is abusive! I am just so thankful that we found an opening in a private school that is much smaller than his current school and the teacher seems wonderful (I have met her and talked to her 3 times now). My ds is very happy that he is changing schools and last night he just seemed so relieved. My ds is a very sweet boy, but he is a normal 6yo boy which means that he sometimes gets excited and has a hard time not speaking out and he has difficulties sitting still for long periods of time.
Oh, and just so you know, I am not one of those problem parents who thinks their child does no wrong. I have another child who was at this school from K through now, which is half way through 5th grade and they have never seen me up at the school for anything other than volunteer work. I'm not saying that every teacher we've ever had there was great, they weren't, but I've never encountered one who was just plain mean. Also, I tried to work with this woman in the beginning and she refused to work with me and she has been making up citations against my ds for things he said never happened in order to create a disciplinary file on him. Nice, huh? My 6yo was one citation away from detention when I withdrew him yesterday. How does a 6yo who doesn't hurt others, talk nasty, shares, and is compassionate towards others get that close to detention? He doesn't know. He would come home nearly every day and tell me that he was punished that day and didn't know why. I overheard his prayers one night when he didn't know I was there and he was praying "please God, don't let my teacher be mean to me tomorrow and don't let her punish me for things I didn't do."
I know this has been long and if you are still with me, thanks for letting me vent. I didn't sleep very well last night and I'm up much earlier this morning that normal because my heart is broken for my child and I feel guilt that we left him in that classroom for five months trying to work things out rather than just pulling him out right away. I feel that I failed him on that level, but I am hopeful that things will be much different in his new school.
oh my, that's just terrible. If nothing else, at least your ds is seeing that you'll be there for him. I would get that letter to the school board and superintendent pronto.
Tunnia ((hugs)). I have just gone through a similar thing. The difference is my son is a little clueless about it (part of his quirkiness). I too had him moved, but to a new teacher. We will see how this goes.
I know I did the right thing, but I am still a bit stressed about January, I never like the start of school!
You did so much better than I would have. I think I would have marched my butt straight to the principals office at that moment. I would not have left that school without everyone hearing what I had to say. But you likely did the right thing.
I think you did the right thing by changing schools and I hope you see a great improvment! Give him a hug from me!
Unbelievable. Even the 5th grade teacher that Emily had and didn't like, wasn't that mean.
I would be writing up that letter as soon as I could, today! That needs to be reported.
That is heartbreaking! I'm glad your ds gets to start fresh, but how awful to experience a mean teacher, especially in first grade. I had a 5th grade teacher who had it in for me, but she was never really mean. I was really bored and I think it irritated her to see me not paying attention but know the answer. My parents eventually put me in private school too. I agree with Vicki, I would have probably told off some people, but its probably best you didn't. Let us know what you say in your letter!
I am so saddened by your post. I hope the new school and teacher are deserving of your son. What can you tell us about the new school/teacher?
Because this only happened at school, and he saw you fighting for him and on his side every step of the way, and since he found love and acceptance everywhere else, I don't think he'll have any trouble 'recovering' from this experience. He knows the TEACHER was the problem, not him. For the teacher to behave that way toward YOU yesterday was inexcusable. She could have been cool but polite, but to IGNORE you and THROW the papers on the floor?? She has so crossed the line. I, too, suggest you get that info out as QUICKLY as possible. I know it's the worst possible timing, but it needs to happen soon. I bet the school is open today...I'd even phone or go in and talk to the principal and just relay this one part and say a written statement will be coming. And not allowing him to participate in his party?? She sounds like a bitter, revengeful woman. I'm so sorry.
Oh Sweetheart my heart breaks for you; I'm so very sorry you have been going through this. I'm in tears right now reading this. That is so unbelievable. You did not fail your child, we all do the best we can for our children, we don't always have the answers right when we need them. I'm so glad you shared this story with all of us. It lets us all know that we should trust our instincts when it comes to our children and protect them ferociously which is exactly what you are doing. WRITE YOUR LETTERS! Let everyone know what this horrible person did to your child, she will do it again to another child if she is not stopped.
Try and put this experience behind you, put the guilt behind you and move own with your child and enjoy your time together over the holidays. You will both start fresh with the New Year.
Big, Big Hugs!
(((hugs))) Wow. I can't believe a so-called professional would act that way towards her student. Is she new and inexperienced or close to retirement and burnt-out? I can't think of any other excuse for such behavior (except maybe it just being her personality, to which I feel sorry for the other students.) I do hope that this experience doesn't cause him to not give this new school a chance. The primary grades really do set the tone for kids and school.
I am sitting here in amazement that you didn't deck that bi@@@. I think I would have or at least I would have said somethign very evil to her (out of earshot of the other kids of course). As I was reading what you wrote I wanted to cry for your son sitting all alone in a corner at the holiday party. How can a person who does the job she does be that way to small young 1st grade children. I would write those letters then I would hand deliver it to the principal and school board office and the state board of teachers I would sent it to them also.
Good luck to you and to your son in his new school may the 2nd half of the school year be better for him than the 1st half.
Wow, I am absolutely shocked. I am so happy you are able to remove your son from that situation. I am sorry he had to go through all that. ((((HUGS))))
This just amazes me. I would definitely write a detailed letter and send it by registered mail so you know that it was received. Copied to both the principal and the school board office.
There are no excuses for her behavior. For her to do those things to your son, and in front of the other children, is very detrimental to all of them.
I think that I personally, would go to the school and have a brief meeting with the principal, and tell him/her that a letter briefing him/her about the events of the entire school year would be following with a copy to the school board office.
You did not fail your son. We place our children in school assuming they are in a protected environment being taken care of when they are unable to be with us. You had no way of knowing just how cruel she was. And to give her a slight benefit of the doubt, maybe she was extra cruel yesterday because she knew he was leaving and she was getting in a couple of extra jabs.
The one way you can avenge your son and hopefully protect any future children that cross her path is to make sure this does not go unnoticed. Write your letter. Send it to the correct places. And demand a reply that acknowledges your complaints.
You've shown your son that you are on his side and will take care of him by going through the correct steps, and placing him in a new school, and most likely, a better one.
Now, quit feeling guilty, and pat yourself on your back for actually believing your little guy, and not automatically siding with the teacher as many, many parents do all too often.
Oh my gosh! This breaks my heart for both your son and you! I've had way too much experience with teachers/staff/administrators to really form an unbiased opinion, but I do have to say that this was just plain wrong. You write that letter and I hope if nothing else it gives you some closure. Please let us know if you do get a response (you should!). Just a heads up, though, that even if they do decide to give the teacher some disciplinary action they won't tell you what it is. We complained about the bus driver earlier this year (remember when Robin was beaten up on the bus?) and they told us they disciplined her but nothing else. They can't legally tell. Many, many hugs to you and your ds. Best of luck at his new school.
Thanks for the support! Rereading my post I was thinking, wow, this doesn't even sound real! It's really a case of truth being stranger than ficton.
I didn't go straight to the principal for a number of reasons, the main reason being, I was too angry and shocked by her behavior. I want to be taken seriously in this matter and it wouldn't have done me nor my ds any good for me to go ranting and raving to the principal before thinking things through so, even though it wasn't an easy thing for me to do, it was better for me to walk out of there without another word said. I think that I will be able to address the situation more clearly and without sounding whiny or like I'm just a complainer in a letter. Of course I will include my address and phone number in case someone wants to contact me and hopefully by that time I will be able to talk about it calmly and stick to the facts without going into a rant. Then there's the added bonus of documentation with the letter. I am going to work on it over the next few days so that I can get it just right. Also, I do not have the support of the vice principal over the 1st grade. She is friends with the teacher and has made it clear to me that she (vp) sides with the teacher. The vp even went as far as to tell the teacher everything I said in a conference when I tried to get my ds moved to another classroom and the teacher was very angry with me for what I said, which was nothing but the truth, and confronted me at the last parent/teacher conference in November. Oh and in answer to Sunny's question, the teacher has been teaching 32 years.
My ds's new school is a private Christian school that has a very good reputation and was started nearly 30 years ago. It goes through grade 9 right now, but they just moved into a larger building and will be adding on a grade a year until they reach grade 12. There will be 16 children in ds's class and 14 in dd's. On a side note, even though dd's teacher was wonderful this year, we had to put her in the private school as well because I couldn't get them to two different schools on time every morning. Ds's new teacher, from what I've witnessed and by what the administration has told me, is firm, but very kind and never raises her voice (the principal of the new school told me that it is school policy that a teacher never raises their voice to a child). The school believes in discipline rather than punishment because discipline teaches the child to be in control of his/her situation and punishment does not and if things escalate to the point that punishment may be necessary, the parents will be called. The school is aware of my ds's strengths and weaknesses as I was very upfront about what has been going on and his responses to it. His behavior has drastically changed since this school year started. The new teacher has been teaching for several years (I think the principal told me 14 years). She and her dh are missionaries, but during the school year she stays home and teaches 1st grade while her children are in school . I have heard nothing negative about her from anyone I have talked to nor have I witnessed anything that concerns me. I really do think this is going to be a good move.
Wow Stacy, that lady sounds like she could be a twin to my sons Pre-K teacher. I complained to the principal and the school board. I am happy for him that he is going to a different school in January. Good luck with everything.
That is awful for your ds. You are a much better woman than I am as I am pretty sure I would have acted on the feeling I had and probably punched her. Your way is a much better example for your son! It sounds like the new school will be much better for him.
Oh, Sweetie, I am just fuming over this. Can I offer you some advice? When you write a letter to the principal documenting her behavior, send a copy to the Board of Education as well. Also, send them certified so that they cannot say that they didn't get the letter. Also, keep a copy of the delivery confirmation for both locations. I know this might sound extreme, but she deserves some kind of disciplinary action for her behavior. Let us know how he is doing in his new school.
Tunnia, that is absolutely appalling. I was, for many years, a volunteer advocate for parents of children in Philadelphia's public schools, but I must say this takes the cake.
I agree, you need to write a letter. She may have been teaching for 32 years, but she was so out of line on so many levels, it needs to be documented. And the VP's unhelpful behavior also should be documented.
By the way, one of my skills (for which I get paid) is editing. If you'd like me to take a look at your letter when you are ready, just email it to me at klip vm at rcn dot com.
And I agree with Adena - you did not fail your son, and he knows and will remember that you were on his side and got him out of that terrible situation. The problem, as I see it, is that you behaved like a reasonable, courteous person and assumed the teacher would have her student's well-being as one of her priorities. Unreasonable people like that teacher always make life miserable for reasonable, courteous people like you.
Thank you for the offer Ginny! That is really nice of you! I would love for you to look it over when I'm done writing.
I was crying when I read your post. I'd been thinking about you guys and wondering how things were going - I hoped they were going well
Just know in your heat that you did the absolute best thing for your boy! Tell him, please tell him that what she did was mean and wrong and that he is a good boy and certainly not to blame and not to feel bad. Start building his self esteem any way that you can.
I wish him success in his new school.
Ame
Lots of hugs for both of you.
Oh my goodness, I can't believe she would act like such a mean person to a child. This is just horrible. You are doing the right thing by removing him. There are many teachers on this board and I am wondering if any of them know what you could do so that she has to suffer some consequences for her actions. So many teachers get away with things and honestly I wouldn't just let it go. This is something your child will never forget, and honestly if she gets reprimanded(sp) maybe other children won't have to suffer. Many ehugs
That just plain hurts my heart and makes me mad.
Oh my goodness, Tunnia. I'm crying!!!
Definitely approach the school board. I'm very happy to hear that you documented everything. And, that you didn't go ballistic in the principal's office.
One of these days, I'm going to build a teaching academy for those teachers who have REAL hearts. Or, some sort of teaching facility where principals can send those mean, apathetic teachers and I can help turn them into real teachers. I'm disgusted with the teachers I've heard of lately. She was so mean...it's simply unbelievable.
I once worked with a teacher who was like this with 7th graders. I wrote her an anonymous hand written note and asked in it, "Do you enjoy teaching?" She changed dramatically after that.
Kids can be rough but, really we are the adults and face it, if you're not cut out to be a teacher then there are other occupations.
This is so heartbreaking. How awful for the both of you, it's so very painful when our children are hurt so badly, especially by people who should be tender with them. Tunnia, you're being brave and strong and I admire that you will see this through with the letters you'll be sending. I hope you see results so this never, ever, happens to another child.
One little boy in my sons K class was not allowed to attend the Christmas party - but that was because he smeared poop on the bathroom walls - and he didn't have to sit there alone watching everyone else having fun, he spent the time in the office doing some coloring. I mention this to you in order to offer perspective: Talking too much is NOT a serious enough offense to sit out the party. This teacher IS abusive and I have no doubt she will somehow suffer for her mistreatment of an innocent child.
Don't worry about how long it took you to "act" on this. My DD went through a very bad year her 7th grade year and it took me four months to realize nothing would be done and to move her to a new school. In DD's case, it was abuse by another student. And trips to the principle for the girl and her friends to lie and to get away with what they (mainly, she) was doing to my child. My child was going from a child that loved school to a child I had to force to go. She never complained, never got upset about school until this girl moved into the school and she was crying all the time, afraid to go to school.. The last straw, was this girl force feeding my daughter french fries, after all DD is anorexic and needs help to eat (or so she was saying as she was doing it). I pulled her that very day and I never looked back... She is once again my happy child and this is her Senior year.. So the move was a very good decision on my part.
Now DS went to the same school until this year (k-9) and he had no issues.. But he is a different type of person. He is always ready to give what he is given.. She on the other hand is soft and tender and not one to stand up for herself.
You did the right thing and in the big picture of life this will be a small blurp in the future.
Best of luck to your DS, I hope he soars like my DD has..
What a nut job of a teacher. You did the right thing and I know how hard it is to pull your child out in the middle of the year. I've done it too. I really stressed over the decision, wrote down the pros and cons on a piece of paper, interviewed the new school, hemmed, hawed, it was tough!! Was it really that bad? Am I overreacting? Then....I did it and I regret not doing it sooner, but at the same time, glad I eventually did it.
It messes with your reality to make a school change mid year! You did good!!!
Thanks again for the support. I really appreciate it! I have written down the key points I want to cover and will write the rough draft after Christmas. My parents arrived yesterday, my mil arrives today and I'm hosting Christmas so I literally don't have the time or mental capacity to write the letter until after they leave.
Mia, I also do not believe that talking too much is a big deal, especially on a party day, but you have to realize that this teacher punished and wrote my ds up for even the smallest misbehavior. One of the oddest citations he received that went into his disciplinary file for was for "sweeping the floor without permission". Amazing, huh?
Yes, Mommie, it was very stressful making the decision to change schools. There were both pros and cons and some of the cons carried enough weight that we had to think long and hard about them, but in the end it really boiled down to what was best for our ds. It took a little over a month of researching, interviewing, talking to others who knew the schools, and praying before we made the final decision on the school. It wasn't an easy decision and fairly consumed my life for that month or so. The new school is supposed to be very good, but it is also 30 miles one way, from our home. Not a move we would have made if we didn't feel it was the right one and also necessary.
What comes around goes around. ;)
^5 to you for pulling him out. You did the right thing, imo.
This is horrible. I hope that your son loves his new school.
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