We relocated to Virginia April and have wonderful next door neighbors. They've really helped us adjust to the area and their daughter is our babysitter and is great with the kids. Yesterday they came over to exchange gifts. I knew she was buying us all gifts since she told me a few weeks ago. I don't like getting into exchanging gifts-- it gets expensive and out of hand at times but I did appreciate the heads up so I had something for them. Normally some cookies or bread I feel are a nice neighbor gift. To set a precedent I bought them a family gift with a ceramic popcorn bowl, popcorn, three popcorn seasonings, and a snowman towel. I also gave them a loaf of pumpkin bread. The whole thing cost about $20-- which was more than I've ever done for a neighbor, even a close one. I just think the holidays are more about the thought than the actual gift and I would have preferred to have only exchange cards. They gave me a $15 gift card to get my nails done, my DS a hard cover book, each of my 3 DS's an individual gift, a loaf of bread, and homemade candy. She was very polite with our "little" gift, but it was obvious that she was expecting more and was disappointed. What should I do? They're nice friends and neighbors but we don't have the money to spend on each one of them. I feel terribly guilty, but a little irritated also since it's not my fault that they gave so much. Next year should I give them each gifts, or stick to my ground and get them something small? Sorry for the long post-- I needed to vent.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 01:11 pm:

Jen I would have loved what you gave them. You should not feel obligated to anything more than you did.
That is why I hate exchanging gifts with people, I have told my family that next year I want to buy for the kids only & anything that would be spent on an adult gift should go to charity.

By Tsa on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 01:37 pm:

Don't feel guilty. You gave from your heart and what you thought was appropriate. It does set the precedence for next year and the years to come. A popcorn party is a great gift and my family would love to have recieved that from a neighbor, or a friend.

By Kate on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 02:50 pm:

I believe Jen meant to say they gave her HUSBAND a hardcover book, not her son. Wow, Jennifer! Are they lonely people? They definitely went overboard and it's almost like they were trying too hard to be your friends... Are they well off and can afford to do this for everyone they know? You're in a bit of a bind with the babysitter thing....when I babysat my 'employers' always gave me a gift. Maybe that was part of their expectation? And I often gave the kids a gift, if I sat for them a lot.

Your gift was much more appropriate and still expensive! Christmas is way too crazy with all the gift giving. I'm all for gifts and giving, but in moderation. I say buy for the kids in your family and maybe small tokens like books or candy or cookies for the rest. Give more to charity instead of running around like a crazy person fighting the crowds and worrying about what someone will like and spending money you don't have or that could better benefit those in need, buying things someone else DOESN'T need. That's my philosophy (not that I stick to it), and not advice for Jen.

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 03:05 pm:

Ditto everyone else! Christmas is so commercialized these days that people forget that it's not how much you spend or how many gifts you get or how large the gift is, that counts.

You posted above "To set a precedent" ...

I think that was an EXCELLENT idea. My best friends and I don't exchange gifts - for the simple reason that it just gets to be too expensive.

Years ago, when several moms and I were very close in the neighborhood, one of them gave all of us something she'd made for us - something very simple, and not costly, but very thoughtful. So that year, I was baking lots of goodies, and I made a goodie bag for each of them as well.

If your neighbor was disappointed, then IMO, she will just have to get over it. One should never give a gift with the expectation of getting one in return.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 03:08 pm:

If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. Especially considering that it is for non-family. At least now next year, she won't expect much from you, and she may not shower your family with so much, either.

I don't exchange gifts with my neighbors, just cards. And my neighbor puts my card in the mail every year!

By Hol on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 05:32 pm:

I totally think that you did the right thing. She was obviously looking for a return gift by "announcing" in advance that she was getting a gift for you all. I don't like the exchanging between neighbours, either. Cards are enough. We even stopped the gifting between our adult friends because it DID get expensive and out of hand (unless you do a small "gag" gift). It is hard enough coming up with gift ideas for family members.

I,too, wondered if they do this for all of the neighbours. It IS better to set the precedent now. I like the idea of baked goods, or have a neighbourhood open house and wish everyone a happpy holiday at once.

By Jjb on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 07:00 pm:

Thank you all. You've made me feel much better. She gives another neighbor's entire family gifts also but I believe that’s it. As much as I enjoyed her gift it does get out of hand. My kids have so many toys and there are others with very few. I'd prefer people to donate money or toys to those without. We were planning on getting her daughter something since she is a wonderful babysitter and I wouldn’t have found it odd for her to get the kids a little something…but the entire family was a bit excessive. With our Northern friends we've started to just send cards or have family get togethers instead of gifts because the season is more about telling people you care about them not comparing gifts, and it gets very expensive. I felt bad ..but I also don't want to get caught up in another family to exchange with. Thank you for confirming my instincts.

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 09:51 pm:

I LOVED your gift! That was really neat I think. I agree with you completely. I think you should continue doing the same type of thing each year. If she wants to spend more that's her business.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 - 10:48 pm:

I think you gave a wonderful gift! I would have been more than happy with it, and agree that it's almost more than one would give a neighbor. I can't believe they acted disappointed!

We moved into a new house on 12-10-88. We didn't even get a tree that year, because with moving and getting settled, plus working, I didn't see where we had time for that, too. (also, we didn't quite have kids yet). We got a plate of cookies from the neighbors on each side of us! I thought that was sooo nice! A nice little token "welcome" gift!