That's what dh and I have decided to do with the boys. Both kids are failing half their classes at school. It's not because they can't do the work. They either refuse or forget to turn it in. It's too late to bring up their grade for this quarter (ends Friday) but hopefully they'll do better next quarter. Dh will take their computers and tv's tonight while we're at karate and put a password on my computer (Robin would rather use mine than his anyway because it's faster--not much and mostly because of all the junk/games he's downloaded to his). We're also grounding them until their homework is done each night. This should be fun. I'm tired of them doing what they want whenever they want. They don't help around the house. Even getting them to put things away in their rooms is a fight. Good grief, I DO the laundry, FOLD it for them, all they have to do is put it away! It'll sit there until they wear it again. I realize this is my fault for letting it go on this way for so long. It's going to be a long week/weekend. Wish me luck.

By Tripletmom on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 12:20 pm:

(((HUGS)))) Sending you lots of luck dust....... Once they know whats expected of them it does get better.

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 12:34 pm:

Oh Cat!! Good luck!! I've gone through and I am going through this...again. The homework not getting done, not doing their chores (which aren't extravagant) etc.

I've put the tough love into effect, too. It's a fight, but to me it's worth it. We're slowly getting there.

(((((((((((((((((((((( Cat ))))))))))))))))))))))

By Brandy on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 12:44 pm:

oh i need to do this too = (

like you said the chores are not that much i just sat down and folded laundry all i ask of them is to put it up and they don't and then i also ask they put the dirty laundry in to their hampers at night which they don't the put it maybe 5 feet away from it it drives me crazy ...good luck ...

By Debbie on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 01:23 pm:

Good luck.

It must be that time of year. We had to sit down, and have a family meeing last week. My dks haven't been doing their chores either(and they don't have many) They have also been bickering with each other a lot, which is unusual for them.

LOL Brandy, about the hamper. My oldest will pile all his clothes right next to it. I just don't get it!

By Tink on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 01:38 pm:

We've just started easing up from a tough love couple of weeks. Stay strong, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

By Cat on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 02:24 pm:

Thanx for letting me know we're not alone and that there is hope. I just hope it's not too painful for any of us!

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 02:32 pm:

My 17 looks around her room, knows she needs to clean it, but never quite gets around to it! It must be the season!

By Tarable on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 03:16 pm:

I just wish mine would put their dishes in the kitchen when they are finished and not leave everything in the middle of the floor or the living room...

This is my favorite time of year and I want to take them places and do things fun and they make it where I have to be mean and grouchy all the time!!! I HATE it.

And I have the homework fight with Jordan (10) every day and then she tells the teacher she can't find it so she gets a 0 anyway!!! What it is sitting in her binder or her backpack... how can she not find it. So she is almost failing some classes too.

I am horribly frustrated and getting pretty depressed with this time of year too..

Why can't they be better this time of year instead of showing their stubborn sides?

BTW sorry for venting.. it is just really frustrating right now.

By Kaye on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 03:57 pm:

LOL Cat, after reading your reply I thought i woudl read your post. It is crazy. I just hate being the heavy. But that is life. We only have a few days of school left and then we can do some serious house catch up and see what happens. They sure will miss their electronic time.

By Missbookworm on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 04:26 pm:

Tara, on leaving their dishes all over when they're done with them. You could do what I did and implement a "no kids out of the kitchen/dining room with food/dishes" rule. It's worked wonders for me in that regard! Also, if they leave things laying around in the living room after bedtime it gets put away where they don't know it is and they get it back only after they've demonstrated a willingness to pick up after themselves. Some things they don't care about but it works wonders when it's their favorite something. On the homework side, she's the one suffering the consequences, and I know how frustrating it is as a parent. I went through the same thing with my child. It's a matter of making sure it's done and after that it's their responsibility. I guess that's not too helpful. Possibly the teacher would consider making her complete it during lunch hour or after school for a while since she's not being responsible about handing it in? My son's class has a rule that if they don't finish their work in school then they stay on Friday's to finish it, it's sure done wonders with him. He never has homework and he's in highschool.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 05:06 pm:

(((((HUGS))))))

Let us know how it goes.

By Conni on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 08:59 pm:

I love tough love. My kids are so much nicer when I take everything away. ROFL!!!

Hang in there! It will get better. Preteen/teens are a little challenging, eh? ; )

By Tink on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 09:07 pm:

ROFL Conni! You're such a riot!!!

By Cat on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 11:15 pm:

Well so far, so good. They weren't happy about losing their computers or mine being locked, but they're accepting it. Randy's starting to get worried about failing. He was trying to figure out what his grade will be because he's turned in some papers he found in his desk. He's also asked how long summer school is and if he has to go will he have to miss Seminar (karate--in July). He's getting upset which imho is a good thing. It's about time. They both cleaned their rooms and did their homework (what was brought home--Robin spent today in the self-contained classroom and didn't get his work--long story, end result-5 days in ISS). I'd washed Robin's bedding this morning and told him to make his bed. He's always told me he couldn't and I told him I wasn't doing it tonight, he could sleep on the floor. Dh and I had some errands to run and left the kids for about an hour. We came home to find clean rooms and Robin's bed half made. He said Randy helped him get the fitted sheet on and he needed me to show him how to put the rest on. I can't believe he asked Randy for help and that Randy actually helped him! So maybe they'll work together a little more. Added bonus or fluke? I don't care, I'll take it. So goes evening one of tough love. They did get to play with their friends for about a half hour and Randy got to watch about 20 minutes of TV after everything else was done. I hope they realize I'm serious. Next, we'll work on them helping more around the house.

Conni, maybe they ARE nicer when we take things away! lol

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 - 11:26 pm:

That's great, Cat!

What's most important is that you have the support of your dh and that you are consistent. I can't count how many times my son has told me that his friend is grounded, but the next day his friend comes over and says that he isn't grounded anymore because he cleaned his room. IMO, grounded means grounded, and if you do work around the house while you are grounded, it isn't going to get you a "get out of jail free" card. (I know you didn't ground the boys, but it's just an example of why it's important to be consistent and stand your ground. )

Good luck, and check in with day #2!

By Kaye on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 08:42 am:

My tough love night didn't go as well. My daughter did get her laundry washed, they did get the family room picked up and their stuff out of the formal.

My middle kid had a real attitude, he worked hard for about 45 minutes I let him have a break, he snuck up to the computer. So for the rest of the night he got to just hang by me. He was not happy at all.

Today will be their bathrooms and their rooms. Unfortunatly their rooms are such disasters that it will take more than one day. UGH.

By Cat on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 08:57 am:

Sorry it didn't go so well, Kaye. Their rooms will seriously take more than a day??? I once did a "Clean Sweep" of my kid's rooms. That took about a week to finish going through all their things. We had about 6 big bags of trash when we were done. I hope today goes better for you.

Robin's staying home from school today. He was fine when I woke him up but about 5 minutes later I heard him in the bathroom throwing up. Ugh. Now he's laying on the couch bugging me. It's going to be a long day. He's not one of those kids that can just spend the day alone in his room. He's more of an 'in your face' kind of kid! lol I wish he'd go back to bed and get some rest, but he said he can't get back to sleep. Maybe he will later.

By Pandamamaoo4 on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 09:20 am:

I agree..Must be something in the air..I have 3 that dont like to keep their rooms clean!! I have been cutting them alot of slake lately with what has been happening the last 6 months BUT I'm THINKING that EXCUSE is getting OLD!!!
I'm thinking this Sat is the day that they will start getting their rooms into shape....I know right HAHA.. I'm puttin the foot down I'll be in there on Monday if they dont...Good thing I have lots of BIG BLACK BAGS and right before Xmas!!!!

By Tonya on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 09:29 am:

Tough love must be goign around cause Timmy lost his TV in his room. And Rich went through Tuesday night and cleaned his entire room. And man is the garbage man going to love us tomorrow. I have not seen Timmy's closet look like that is years. Rich showed Timmy where his things needed to be from now on and told him no warnings anymore it is clean or it is trash. So we will see how well this goes.

Good luck to all you tough love moms we are all going to needs lots of prayers and patience.

By Kaye on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 09:29 am:

My daughters will really take more than a day. My son can get his picked up pretty quick, but he has a bad habit of throwing things on top of his dresser so it looks bad quick. I should take pictures. The only reason his room stays at all clean is he has very few toys in there, most of them are in the game room (which is also trashed) but it is set up so it is a quick pick up, they just are too lazy to do it. I just have to reset their habits, used to words from me saying get this done worked. This past couple of months that is not the case. Unfortuantely I just let it ride hoping this would pass and it has not.

By Tarable on Thursday, December 14, 2006 - 09:57 am:

Well my night was horrid... I got argued with everytime I asked anyone to do anything that wasn't watching TV...
Tonight everything will get done or I am cancelling Christmas.. I wish that would work... I will cancel all of our plans for this weekend. We are supposed to go look at all the Christmas Lights and Alexis has a school dance to go to and someone spending the night.
I wish that they would realize that if they would just do the 5 things that I ask we could have tons of fun together.
When I was their age I had lists and lists of chores that had to be done daily and weekly. My mom was an immaculate house keeper and it had to be done perfect or you didn't get to do anything until it was. I only require that they keep their rooms picked up (where you can see the floor) once a week. They have to put their laundry up after I wash and fold it and they are required to pick their stuff up out of the family room and dining room. And they are to take their dishes and stuff to the kitchen when finished. Why can't they just do this.. If they did I wouldn't feel like keeping house was so hopeless..

They don't understand that I work all day and come home to work for 4+ more hours on cooking and the house that I would like a little help occasionally...

Sorry for the vent.. I am having a really bad week and seem to be starting to throw myself a pitty party...

Well... I just need to relax and show them more tough love... I would hate to see what my house would look like if I couldn't do anything around it for a week..