My is 12 and in the 7th grade. He has been experiencing not nice behavior in his middle school. I feel so bad for him. He is a sensitive kid, but would not let his friends see this side of him. He takes things to heart.I am the exact same way, so it really hurts me when he talked to me this morning.He sat on my bed and told me he did not want to go to school. He went on to explain that he has no friends at school, and that kids make fun of him. One thing is that make fun of our last name which is Hanke. Of course I only became a Hanke when I got married so I have not dealt with this issue. He said it gets worse and worse every yr when kids hear his last name. He said nobody wants to be his partner when they need partners in class, or nobody wants to sit by him. They call him dumb. Which is so funny to me because he is in all the advanced classes, as well as the other kids. He is an A-B Student, so he is far from dumb.
I will say he is not as "mature" as the other kids in his grade. What I mean is, he does not have much interest in girls and all that jazz. I am not complaining about that.LOL..
He said he sits with 2 boys at lunch, and although they are nice, they make fun of him too.
Honestly, I do not know why? He is a nice boy. I am not just saying that because he is my son. He is a sweet kid, hes got a big heart, and is very sensitive.
When him and his sister fight, she can be mean.She will say "I hate you" to him. Believe me we have corrected her, and explained how mean that is to say etc.. to anybody.
My son has frequently said that everybody hates him.This makes me so sad.
He has had some really good friends over the yrs, but they have all moved away. That is the problem with living in a military town.
He said he does not want me talking to the teachers or the guidance counselor about any of this.
I drove him to school today so we could talk A little more. On the way home I was in tears. Middle school is so hard, but even harder when you feel like everybody hates you.
I try to encourage him to seek out friends at boyscouts. There are a lot of nice boys in boyscouts. They all seem to accept my son. I try to encourage him to get together with some of them. He does not want to make the first move. I feel that he is too old for me to be making playdates for him LOL..
I am at a loss.

By Tripletmom on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 09:27 am:

(((HUGS))) No advice,I just know how it feels to want to protect them and take care of them,and let nobody hurt them

By Anonymous on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 10:04 am:

My son had a really hard time in middle school too. He is small and a lot of the other kids are bigger, more mature and just mean. The guidance counselor would be a good start - even if she can just give you some tips on helping your son, he doesn't even need to know you talked to her. As far as the boy scouts, maybe you can suggest that you would take him and a couple of those boys to the movies, drop them off and pick them up when it's done - give him money for tickets and munchies. I ended up having to talk to the teacher's because I felt my son was completely falling apart. His english teacher really started listening to the things he would talk or write about and knew of some former students of his that had similar interests and had them start a (of all things) dungeons and dragons club. The teacher explained how to play to my son and then my son taught the others - it give him a feeling of leadership. He is now in the 8th grade and things are not perfect but much better than last year. If anything, be happy that he is not shutting down because of this and that he is confiding in you. It is very important to keep that communication going during the teen years.

By Jackie on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 11:14 am:

I have been just sick about this all morning long. My son is not small. He is average height for a boy and a little on the chubby size, but not obese at all. He said the kids do not say anything about his weight.
My husband is taking him to boyscouts tonight. I am going to have my husband maybe say something to my son to invite one of the boys to hang out over the weekend.
I just feel guilty as sometimes I am hard on him. I expect him to act a certain way at home etc.It makes me feel bad as I did not know what he was dealing with in school.
I told his 7 yr old sister this morning that she needs to start being nicer to her brother. Of course I told her this when we were alone.
He goes to Sunday school every week, and they have a youth group. I try to tell him to sign up and get involved and he would meet new people etc.. He said he does not want too. I try to make a lot of suggestions, but I cant force him.
I am going to email his homeroom teacher who is also his English teacher. Maybe she can give me some insight as what goes on in the classroom.

By Sandysmom on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 11:24 am:

Oh, sweetie! I am so sorry about this. It is hard and kids can be so mean. Especially at that age. I know this goes against your son's request, but I would secretly call the guidance counselor. He/She will keep it confidential that you called. Tell her the problem and that way, she can show up and try to see what is going on. Bullying can get way out of hand these days. Most schools have a no tolerance policy for bullying. Also, she may be able to arrange for him to come together with other kids who seem to need friends as well. Good luck & (((((hugs))))) to you & ds. Keep us updated as to how he is.

By Debbie on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 11:45 am:

{{{Jackie}}} I too suggest that you call the counselor. Tell her that your ds didn't want you to call her, so she knows not to say anything to him. If nothing else, maybe she can give you some suggestions on how to handle it. I also think it is a good idea to email his homeroom teacher. It sounds like you are doing everything right, you have made some good suggestions to your ds on how to get involved. I know that my oldest ds is more introverted, and I have to "push" him out there sometimes. Maybe, your dh can help him invite someone from boyscouts over.

One great thing going for you is that your ds is talking to you about it. It shows what a great mom you are!

By Reds9298 on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 01:51 pm:

I don't have any advice but big (((HUGS))). Ditto Debbie's last line completely.

By Bellajoe on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 04:23 pm:

aww Jackie that is so so sad Middle school is hard enough as it is. He shouldn't have to go through this too. All it takes it for him to make one good friend and you will see him change and be happier.

I agree that you must be one heck of a mom for him to confide in you about this! You should be proud of him for that.

((HUGS)) I hope things start to get better for him.

By Mom2three1968 on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 04:58 pm:

My goodness that is exactly, and I mean exactly how it was for me when I was little. I was a quiet child and was picked on and ridiculed, I feel for you and your dear son. It did not get better for me only worse. Kids are very cruel and they find the slightest thing, or worse yet look for the slightess thing that they can make fun of. And your ds being a sensitive child, mean children can find that as a point of weakness and make life miserable for them. I was so excited for middle school to begin and couldn't wait to go, they picked on me for every thing that they could think of, the wrong kind of clothes, haircut, and also they picked on me for having a full mouth, let me explain that one, women go all the time to have injections in their lips to make them appear fuller, well years ago they would make fun of me to no end over that!! Crazy huh!! Oh, enough about me, do all that you can for your ds, my heart hurts for him, and it brings all of the memories back for me. I know this is a drastic step but if it doesn't get any better maybe you would have to move him to a different school, it scarred me mentally and took me years to get over. I am sorry to ramble, I hope you can find out something that will help him. BTDT...

By Paulas on Monday, December 4, 2006 - 10:03 pm:

I totally understand how you feel. My 10 year dd is experiencing the same sort of thing at school. She told me last week that she has no friends and only gets in to conversations if she wiggles in to them. It just broke my heart.

By Mia on Friday, December 8, 2006 - 02:46 pm:

I don't think he's too old for you to help arrange playdates. Take anon's advice and call up a parent or two of the boyscouts and ask if it'd be alright to take their son to a movie with your son - or have your husband ask the parent while they're at a meeting. Just a casual "Hey, we're going to see X movie this weekend, would it be alright if Johnny came along?" Another good one is to arrange a 'game' party (everyone brings & plays video games, you serve pizza, chips & soda pop) - just call the parents & invite the kids. I don't think it's strange for you to talk with the parent because if I don't know my son's friend's parents very well then I always want to at least talk with them about the plans. I think this is a time when you and your dh need to step up and do for your son what he isn't able to do right now - extend himself to other children. Once he makes some friends outside of school he'll have more confidence and the bad stuff at school will let up some. Another very important thing for him to do is some volunteer work - it's wonderful for self-confidence (lack of which often causes one to be bullied) and will also help distract him from his own problems. As smart as he is, he could be a tutor to younger children or children his own age who need help.

By Juli4 on Friday, December 8, 2006 - 04:27 pm:

I also think maybe something like Karate would possibly help. I was in it for 10 years and loved it. I quit when I went to college. It is not a team sport and can bring a lot of confidnece and gratification through the accomplishments and advances. I have seen kids do a lot better with more discipline, encouragement, confidence and even get better grades.