I have a 16 year old Niece who on April 1st wrote a note to my Brothers step son. The note goes on to say that she hates life and wants to kill herself.So my sil and db take the note to my Mom really scared and upset. My Moms calls my sister she comes over my sister just blows it off her words where she is just a brat looking for attention. DN comes home from school and is confronted with the note and says ohh its just a April fools joke so nothing was done. Fast forward to Monday. Dn tells a boy at school that she is going to go out in the parking lot and is going to blow off her head. So this boy gets scared and calls the police. 4 cops show up at My Moms house. (dn is leaving with my parents so she can finish high school) Well the police question dn for awhile and tell my Mom that she needs to see a psychiatry's and that she needs help. Well the police officer told my Mom that they would be out the next day to make sure she has an appointment. Well the officer asked my Mom what is her home life my Mom says not a stable one. My sister is a person who I never figured would have kids she just not a kids person my brother inlaw is very unsocial. No one really goes over to there place because you don't feel welcome. We live about and hour from each other and it will go years before I ever see him. They are never affectionate towards each other. its just not a stable home. Well my Sister is mad at my Mom for saying what she did. But I think it is definetly something that should be said. I think to me if anyone says they want to take there own life they need help. I couldn't blow it off like my sister is. I am so hearbroken that she is thinking of taking her life I love my Niece just like I do my children. But she is getting help she goes once a week. I so hope this works

By Coopaveryben on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 10:56 pm:

I'm sorry your family has to go through this, I know first hand how frustrating situations like this can be because you see the mistakes they are making and feel helpless to do anything. I don't know your situation but you could invite her to spend some time with you and your family, even if it is just on the weekends. If that isn't a possibility you can help by sending her cards or calling and letting her know you are there for her to talk to anytime and help build her self-esteem up by letting her know how much she means to you and what her wonderful qualities are. I too hope the therapy helps her and maybe opens her parents eyes a little.

By Crystal915 on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 12:52 am:

((((Anon))))

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 02:22 am:

Prayers are coming her way....

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 06:56 am:

You are right to worry. Teenagers are at a higher risk for suicide than any other age group. When anyone - but especially a teenager - talks about suicide, it must - MUST - be taken very, very seriously. By the time the teen gets to actually talking with someone about it or writing it down, they have done a whole lot of thinking. I remember a case I worked on a few years ago where a teenage boy was upset because a girl he thought was his girlfriend broke up with him. A few days later he had an argument with his mom, and a few hours later hung himself.

Am I telling you this to scare you - well, yes, sort of, because it is a very scary situation.

If you can talk to your niece, if you have any kind of relationship, try to make sure your niece has the phone numbers for a suicide hot line (the national one is, I think, now out of business, but there are others - check to see what there is in your area). And tell your niece she can call you any time - if you think you can do this. But, if you tell your niece to call you any time, do a little self-education (on the web or by talking to someone who has experience with this serious problem) about what you should and should not say to a teen who is talking about suicide.

Because your niece is living with your mom, can your mom get involved in some kind of "family counseling", where both she and niece are there and get help in talking to each other? Would your mom want to do that? Could it be arranged through the same program where the niece is getting counseling?

My son is a moderator on a board that attracts hundreds of teens, and those moderators have done some research on good places to get advice on suicide. Here are some links:
suicide prevention
This board lists hotlines by state: hotlines by state

This site, at kidshealth, explains that suicide is one of the highest causes of death for teenagers. kidshealth

This same son has been hospitalized 4 times because he was at risk for suicide. That's why I take this very, very, very seriously, and you should to. If your mom and your sister feel upset now, how would they feel if your dear niece impulsively does something to take her life?

I applaud you for being concerned and trying to learn more and find resources. That is what a responsible family member does. I know you are upset and worried and afraid, and I want to send you hugs - for you and for your family. This is a very distressing situation, especially when you are an hour away and really don't have much control over the situation. As for your sister - you're right, it sounds like she shouldn't have had children, and her husband sounds like a real treat. No caring parent would shrug off something like that. Yes, your niece said it was an April Fools Joke, but that's what teens do when confronted with letters like that - and they are not telling the truth. That's why counseling is so critical, so that your niece can face some truths and learn how to cope with whatever is making her so happy that she feels she'd be better off dead. I would not be surprised that a big part of it is issues with her mother and feeling like she is a burden to your mom.

By Anonymous on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 02:59 pm:

a little update. Dn went in and seen a councler My Mom took her and waited for her my Mom said 2 1\2 hours later dn came out and my Mom said she had a smile from ear to ear. She told my Mom that Grandma do you ever feel like a light just turned on in a dark room and you can see now. My Mom told her yes she says thats how I feel like a light has been turned on. As for my sister thats a different story she is mad at my Mom for stepping in. She said my Mom had no right to bring up how disfunctional her family is. Mom told my ds that her only concern was her Granddaughter and that she should be her first concern also. DS I guess spoke with Dn and was yelling at her and told her that if she didn't straighten up she was coming to pick her up and make her go to school there. Which upset my Neice she told my Mom she wish her Mom would talk to her and not yell. So My Mom told my sister that she needed to think about her kids for once and not herself and there family image. (She is a big person who is all show offs and what I haves and how much money they make). The police told my Mom that they will forward her case to a worker that will keep up with DN and she has to remain in counseling. Her Mom is not allowed to take her until she is finished so the law told my Mom that if my sister came out and was giving her problems to call them and they would escort her away from Dn. So I am so hoping it don't come to that but I think my sister needs to realize her dd is doing good where she is. She still comes to pick her up on Friday and has to bring her back Sunday to be in school MOnday she isn't allowed to miss anymore school.

I guess the boy who called the police was her boyfriend the cop that came out to the house was the one who took the call and told DN that he was crying so hard it took them awhile to get anything out of him. HE was really scared to the cop told dn that she should be thankfull to have someone like that who cared alot for her and not to be mean to him for calling them.
I called and spoke to her a little last night she doesn't want everyone to know but I told her that my door is always open and I will always have an ear for her to when she needs someone to talk to. I also told her she is loved very much.
and another thing. sorry for rambling on here but they did find some scars on her arms and stuff so they think she may have been cutting herself. Thank you all for your support.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 03:48 pm:

Yes, your DN should be thankful, as should all of you, that this boy had the courage and good sense to tell someone in authority. So often teens don't, out of a false idea of "honor", or because they are afraid they won't be taken seriously, or be charged with ratting on a friend.

As I said, my son is a moderator at a site with lots of teen members, many of whom talk about cutting. And I have done some reading on cutting and happened to hear some interviews of "cutters" on NPR a couple of months ago. It seems that cutting is a way of dealing with emotional pain - by cutting, they substitute the physical pain for the emotional pain, and the physical pain is easier to bear and deal with. I agree, very scary, but at least a substitute for suicide.

I'm really glad the local police are taking this seriously and that there is a system in place to make sure your sister can't take her daughter out of counseling. You are absolutely right, she needs to get her priorities straight - although she probably won't. I wonder what she'd do if your niece decided to go to court to get herself declared "emancipated", or to ask that her grandmother be given custody of her.