The time has come to make this huge and final choice for myself and children.

I really don't want to go to courts w/ this. I don't want lawyers trying to tell me what I deserve and bumping up the amount of money so they can take a nice chew on it.

DH is a nice and trusting man. I don't feel he would ever cheat me or his kids from what is fairly ours.

There is much to divide between us, esp the needs for a second home.

I came into this marriage debt free, owning a home free and clear and a car. I hope to leave it with the same. All the other stuff is just that, stuff.

Can this stuff be decided between the two of us, written down and witnessed? Do we have to go to court if there are children involved? There will be no fight for custody. It will be shared.

I have not looked into this very much since this is just the start of things. You kind of just tiptoe in to look around before taking that plunge.

Thanks so much. I know there is a wealth of information: legal and "BTDT" knowledge in this wonderful group of women.

By Tarable on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - 02:15 pm:

My divorce was uncontested. We had to have the judge but lawyers were not needed. As long as everything is agreed upon between the 2 of you then you should not need much (I know that you can get all the stuff you need as far as paperwork is concerned online for Texas anyway). As far as court well there is always the final part where the person filing for the divorce (the other person can sign a paper so they don't need to show up) has to go before the judge and get the divorce papers signed but in our case it took all of 5 min for the judge to ask us (my ex wanted to go) if we agreed on the papers we had signed and to sign them himself and we had to wait about 20 min to get copies or they would mail them to us.
As far as you saying "no fault" I am not totally sure what you are referring to but the reason for divorce in our papers states something like irreconcilable differences which is the total truth we just can't live together.

As far as support, if there is going to be any, goes no matter how much you trust him I would suggest seeing about getting the support (whatever is agreed upon) taken directly out of his check by his employer. That way even if he gets mad at you or whatever then the kids are still taken care of. I just believe this because I have a friend who had an uncontested divorce and now her ex has stopped paying support and it is a big deal to go after him to get it.

I wish you the best of luck and hope all of this works out for the best for you. I wish you as much luck with your divorce as I had with mine. My ex and I are okay friends now and are on the same side as far as the kids are concerned.

(((Anonymous))) I know this can be a very trying time and very stressful. If you want to talk you can email me at tarable2 at gmail dot com

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - 02:43 pm:

Just for information, "no fault" divorce means that in that state, the complainant does not have to allege or say that the other person was at fault - no charges of adultery, cruelty, etc. - just that after the required period of separation (if there is a required period) the parties have mutually agreed to a divorce.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - 02:45 pm:

And, whatever you do, don't sign anything until *your* lawyer (not a shared or joint lawyer) has reviewed them. Whatever you sign is usually what the court will approve, and you want to be sure there are no zingers snuck in that you don't recognize (like who pays which credit card bills, claiming dependants on income tax returns, etc.)

By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - 06:47 pm:

Are there legal aide places to help w/ the lawyer stuff? I've been a stay at home mom for several years now, so money is pretty questionable.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - 08:26 pm:

You can file yourself (well, you'd have to call your county court and double check your state's laws), if you agree to it, although it's wise to have a lawyer look over the papers first. I know here you can go to the court, ask for a divorce decree (they blank out the personal information, so you can fill yours in), and just pay the filing fees. (((Anon))) I'm glad you and your husband can work this out in a civil manner, but I'm sorry you are going through this.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 05:33 am:

Anon, I hope you and your husband can work this out in a civil manner - my ex and I did. But, I did use a lawyer, who pointed out a couple of issues. First, we were, at that point, setting up a legal separation, not a divorce (explanation below), so my ex was to pay me alimony. His lawyer snuck in a clause that the alimony ended if I "co-habited", which was, of course, not acceptable. My lawyer put a cost of living increase in the agreement for the child support and alimony. He also made sure that there was a clause covering health insurance for the children, and a clause requiring the maintenance of a specific value life insurance policy payable to the children until the youngest turned 21. And, of course, title to the house and other property. And so much depends on the laws in your state.

One of the clauses in the agreement was that my husband pay my legal fees. That is very common when the wife is a SAHM and the husband the only wage-earner. If your husband is being civil, he shouldn't balk at paying a lawyer whom you select to examine any agreements on your behalf before they are signed. Heck, in most states a pre-nuptial agreement isn't legal unless the party who didn't ask for it has had independent legal advice - certainly the same principle should apply to a divorce & property agreement.

(Explanation - at the time my ex and I separated, a woman had to be married 20 years before divorce in order to be eligible for Social Security benefits based on her ex's account. We hadn't been married 20 years at the time we separated, so I didn't want a final divorce until the 20 year period had passed - just in case. I think the time period is now 10 years.)

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 05:38 am:

As for shared custody, who decides which school the children go to, which doctor, pays for medical and dental care? And, if a doctor says expensive tests or treatment or surgery is needed, who makes that decision? What if one of you wants to move some distance away? And, who pays for college. In Pennsylvania, child support obligations now end at age 18 and a father is not obligated to pay anything towards college education unless it is written into the divorce agreement that is approved by the court.

Some child support agreements have a clause that the agreed upon payment (with cost of living increases) is a minimum and if the paying party (usually the father) has a significant increase in income, the child support increases proportionately. The theory is that the children would have benefited from an improved standard of living if there were no divorce, and divorce doesn't end their right to share in that improvement.

You can see why I am so strongly urging you to consult an attorney before you sign any agreements.

By Kaye on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 07:11 am:

Another option...once you do all the paperwork, you can hire an atty hourly to look over all the papers. Typically you pay anywhere from 200-400 and hour and it doesn't take long if everything is clear cut.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 09:54 am:

I believe all towns have legal aid availability. Look in the yellow pages of your phone book. Being a SAHM should qualify you for assistance through the program. Not saying it will be free but it will be discounted if nothing else. Here the lawyers do not actually work at legal aid, they are practicing lawyers in the community but they do a specific amount of pro bono/discounted cases a year. Legal Aid basically looks at the case and calls around to set up the appointment with the proper lawyer that will accept the case at a specific cost.
No matter the agreement between you and DH, you need to get someone that knows what they are doing to help you make sure this is done right. No contest will cost less than a battle but unless you want to wish you had thought of something years down the road you need to make sure all the T's are crossed and I's are dotted.. It for the best for all of you...

By Tarable on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 10:41 am:

I don't know how much it costs everywhere else to get an attorney to do all the paperwork for an uncontested divorce but around here you can get a good attorney to do all the paperwork and filing for about 800 and in my opinion it is well worth it. My ex had to pay for 1/2 of all the legal fees (the 800 included all the filing fees) We went with just the standard custody agreement which in texas is joint with the parent that has the kids majority of the time as the main conservator (which means that I get to make all the medical decisions and school decisions) and my ex has visitation every other weekend and on wed nights. You might also contact the attorney general's office and see if they will take care of the custody and child support (which will also make the attorney fees less). I know in texas that the attorney general's office does that for free. Then all you have to worry about is the seperation of property unless you are going to get alimony (texas is a no alimony state so I don't know anything about that).

As for increases in child support my case is reviewed either once a year or once every other year by the attorney general's office and they decide if my ex has had enough of a pay increase to warrent a new child support amount. I also don't have to worry about anything with child support because the company my ex works for pays the attorney generals office and they direct deposit my child support into my account. I agree that I would not do anything with out letting an attorney look at the papers before signing them.

Good luck.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - 12:30 pm:

Thank you everyone. I'll let you know what happens once it all happens. I appriciate the help.