You're the mom of 6 yr old boy. There is a 4 yr old boy who is a neighbor and occasional playmate. You offer to keep an eye on the neighbor's boy while the kids play in your yard. The dad of the 4 yr old declines, and says that since his son doesn't know you well, he's not sure how he would react to you.

How would you interpret that?

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 09:48 pm:

You mean the dad was in your yard and didn't want to leave? I would be a bit spooked, but I would probably give him the benefit of the doubt. Just don't go inside the house alone while he is there, since after all you don't know him well either and you don't want to risk him following you inside or maybe abducting your child.

As for the kid, my son has always been afraid to be left alone with people he doesn't know, so that may be normal for that boy, or for a boy that young. But being that the little one was busy playing with your son, he probably isn't paying enough attention to be afraid.

I would bet that the more often they play together, the more comfortable everyone will eventually become.

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 10:15 pm:

I took it as the DAD doesn't know you well enough, but it could also not mean anything really. Some kids change once their parents aren't around and get scared around anyone other than family.

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 10:21 pm:

I wouldn't take it badly or be offended by it. If it was my dh and he didn't know you well enough, he wouldn't leave my ds with you.

I also agree with Reds, the kid might get nervous or upset if his dad left him with you.

By Sunny on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 10:52 pm:

The "dad" was my Dh and this was how he told me the story. I wasn't there and didn't know anything about it until the other day when he asked me if our 4 yr old was old enough to be left alone with the 6 yr old's mom watching him. It seems that the mom has been really cool towards my Dh after that happened and the kids haven't played together since. He told me he "found out" that the mom was insulted and is now asking me what to do.

I've never talked to the mom - they live up the street and Dh met her through a mutual acquaintance - and the times I've seen her, the most we've said to each other is 'hi'. I told Dh that I wouldn't have left our DS there either, but I would have told her in a different way. I kind of feel bad for DH since he feels bad that he insulted her, but I can't imagine that he intended to and told him that she shouldn't have assumed anything other than our son isn't ready yet to play at her house without one of us supervising.

I was, though, curious how other moms might react. I have been in that situation as the mom before and not been offended. As a matter of fact, I took it as an opportunity to get to know my kid's friends and their parents better.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 11:03 pm:

Well, that's what we're here for. Now you can give your dh a little insight into what the other mom might be feeling.

But it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she was offended, like "What, you don't trust me?" You just never know with people anymore. So, if you relly think that having the 2 boys be friends is important, you could go over and introduce yourself, apologize for your dh, and feel her out and see how she reacts. If you pick up strange vibes, I'd avoid letting the boys play.

At 4, it's a lot easier to take control of who their friends are than when they are older, so take advantage of this time while you have it!

By Kate on Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - 11:15 pm:

I wouldn't have been offended and I'd have been impressed with the dad for behaving properly!! If you don't know someone well, why would you leave your most precious CHILD with that person?? It was kind of the mom to offer, but personally I'd not have offered. I don't blame your husband for declining. I don't think the mom should be offended, really.

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 10:38 am:

I am one of those diplomatic people who always try to see both sides of the story. Too many times in the past I have jumped to a conclusion only to find out later that my original conclusion was wrong. (Somebody didn't return my call and I thought I was being snubbed. Come to find out they had been gone to Disney World for a week. That kind of thing.) So I probably would have been one to offer to let yur 4 yo stay over and play. But when the dad declined, I would probably have invited him to bring his wife over for hamburgers later when my dh was home and let's get to know each other better. I don't think I would have been offended. But never know. If it was that time of the month, the way he held his mouth might have offended me. She might have been having a bad day. Somebody else could have hurt her feelings that day. Who knows?

But at this point, if your ds really likes playing with the 6 yo, I might do like was mentioned above. Drop by, chit chat, mention dh's comment and he meant well but not to hurt her feelings, feel her out and see how it goes. If she is going to hold a grudge over a dad being a little protective, then it's probably not somebody you want to hang out with anyway.

By Bea on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 11:41 am:

I'd call her and explain that DH was being extra cautious, and apologize if she felt slighted. You are not apologizing for hubby's actions, but saying that you are sorry her feelings were hurt, as that was never his intention. I believe, it's always better to bend a lot to preserve neighborly harmony.