What would you do? (Another neighbor kid question)
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What would you do? (Another neighbor kid question)
I love the advice I get here. So here's another one for ya!
This concerns a couple of neighbor kids whom I have not discussed here before. They only come around once in a while. They are brothers, one is in 3rd grade this year, and the other in 1st. The younger one is a special needs child. I don't know what is wrong with him, but it has something to do with seizures. His speech is not very clear and it is a struggle for him to articulate his thoughts. The older one is often, unfortunately, responsible for the younger one. They go around the neighborhood together to play with various other kids. I do not believe that their parents care where they go as long as they are together.
So today, they were both at my house. The younger one started crying, and the older one had walked out the door and left by the time I found out what happened. My son said that the older one had grabbed the hair on the top of his brother's head and pulled up on it hard. My son said he no longer considered the older one a friend, and didn't want him to come back. It didn't take long for the younger brother to stop crying, so I figured we were all set.
Then the older one came back with another kid. My son told him to leave, but he didn't, so he asked me to tell him to leave. Well, I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I took over anyway.
I said, "So what's up guys?"
The older brother said, "There's no one at my house, so he (the younger brother) has to stay with me."
I said, "Well, why do you think he would want to stay with you when you pull his hair like you did?"
He didn't say anything.
I said, "Is that what a nice brother does?"
He said, "Oh never mind" and got on his bike to leave.
I said, "He'll be fine here. Have a nice day."
While the kid was leaving, he was making that kind of obnoxious gesture, like he was mouthing off at me for being a nag. You know what I mean? Like, "nyah, nyah, nyah, whatever."
Well, then he came back again. I said, "What's up?"
He said, "My dad said I have to stay with my brother."
So, I thought for a minute. I could call his dad and explain the situation and see if it was okay with him if the younger one stays with me. I asked, "Is your dad home now?" and he said "yes."
but I decided to handle it myself, and so I said, "Okay, I'll tell you what. While you are in this house you will treat your brother and everybody else with respect, which means absolutely no hair pulling, and you will apologize to him. Understood?"
So he accepted the terms and came inside and apologized.
So, my question is, should I talk to the parents anyway? I hate talking to parents. It's been my experience that talking to parents yields no results whatsoever. Although, I have never talked to these parents in particular.
The situation has been handled for today, but I suspect that it may come up again. It's my bet that the older one resents that he has to be responsible for his brother, and also probably resents the extra attention his brother gets. He is also pairing up with an undesirable neighbor kid, one my son wrote off months ago. There was one time I had asked them both to leave because they were swearing.
I think you handled it fine. I wouldn't talk to the parents. Your house, your rules.
If the parents are making the third grader in charge of his younger brother, with some issues, while they are going into a house without knowing the family, then talking to them about pulling hair doesn't seem like it would be a huge concern for them.
That's kind of what I thought, too. I mean, it seems sort of petty, not serious enough to warrant a phone call.
Thanks, Annie!
Anyone else?
I ran into the same problem. Two brothers, younger one special needs. They fought a lot. Hair pulling, hitting, whatever. My son was classmates of the older one, but they came together as a packaged deal. Have never talked to the mother about it, but the younger one did (as if he was the victim, but they both were instigators).
Luckily the mom is anti-video games and she knows my son plays, so she has stopped them from playing over here anyway to keep them away from the video games. When I see her I make it a point to mention how much my son *loves* video games just in case she gets the crazy idea to send them over again. The hassle and stress wasn't worth it. For me it's hard to referee fights between brothers. Sibling rivalry seems to be way more violent than peer altercations and the parents never seem to think it's a problem. I have an only child so what do I know.
This is the second brother team we have had like this. The other set was 5-6 years ago. These boys would nearly kill each other. I banned them. They were too much.
Okay, well, I sent the older brother away again today with 4 of his friends, (one a second grader, one a fourth grader, and one a sixth grader), this time for throwing toys at cars as they passed by our house, and I was also told that one of the kids he arrived with was swearing. As they walked away from our yard and I turned to go into the house, I heard one of the kids yell "F*** YOU! " I walked back outside and said, "What did you say?" And they continued walking, WITH ATTITUDE, I might add. So, since they were no longer on my property, I decided to let them go.
I called their house to speak with one of their parents, who weren't at home. The grandma was, and she asked what was going on, so I told her. Then she said she would give their mom the message when she got home. I know their mom gets home around 6:00, but I never received a call back. I tried calling around 8:30, but there was no answer.
I really hope that this isn't one of those parents who can't handle when someone tells them what a brat their kid is being. I plan to tell her that I really just wanted to inform her that her son is hanging with a bunch of kids that I find rude and disrespectful, and that I would want someone to tell me this if it were my son. The fact is that kids' personalities change depending on who they are with at the time, that i have even noticed this with my son, and that I have noticed a significant change in her son when these kids are around that I think she should know about.
I am just afraid that by doing what I think is right, I am going to end up regretting it. Somehow, I have a bad feeling about this kid. He spells trouble to me.
On another note, we are still friends with the spoiled kid who rides his bike here and then makes his mom pick him up after work and put his bike in her trunk. This happens nearly every day. Today, I finally heard her say, "Boy, this is tiring!"
I didn't say a word. 
Oops! I posted twice somehow.
Sorry, I posted twice....again.
I edited my post and then it showed up as another post.
I am going to quit for now....
I agree that kid sounds like trouble and don't think I would want him hanging around my house.
With the spoiled kid, as long as she keeps picking him, he will keep asking! LOL! She will have to be the one who finally says no!
I agree, i wouldn't let that kid over any more. He sounds like trouble and he brings even more trouble. I think you did the right thing by calling the parents.
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