I have taught my kids that they should not talk to strangers and told them that some strangers are bad and kidnap kids. The reason we told them that is because sometimes they are over friendly to people that we do not really know that well.

We have role played with both of them. I would act like i am a stranger and ask the kids if they would come by my car to look at my puppy or if they would help me find my puppy. And we have told them that if something like that ever happend to them that they needed to run away and scream.
So now my 7 yr old dd is TERRIFIED to be alone. I will tell her and her brother to go play in the back yard while i cooked dinner. We have 3 BIG windows in the kitchen that face the back of the house. So i can see the kids perfectly and they can see me too. But no, she goes out for 2 seconds and then comes back in. We were just on the front porch and i told them that i was going to come inside and change into shorts and told them to just stay out there with their popsicles and i would be right back. I close the door and i kid you not, they were both on their feet and in the house in 2 seconds.
I keep telling them that they will be fine outside for a minute or two and that I would never leave them if i thought they were in any danger.
Even at the store or the mall, of course i want them to be near me while we walk down the mall but she is practically under my feet the whole time. This has must been driving me crazy!

Sometimes they even think that we have left the house with out them. We could be putting on our shoes and just walking out the door and the child (either of them) may be still putting their shoes on. They will get a panicked look on their face and say "WAIT FOR ME! DON"T FORGET ME!"

Let me assure you that we have NEVER left without or forgotten either of our children and we never will. They are our lives. In this house it is all about the kids. I keep asking them, especially dd, why she does not trust me. and keep telling both of them that we love them and wouldn't let anything happen to them.

I do not know what to do about this but it is driving us crazy!

By Kaye on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 03:55 pm:

Ultimatly you have done the right thing about sharing with them basic rules for being safe. However now you need to focus on things we do to be safe. It all ties together in their minds. I would probably have series of family meetings that focus on it is your job to keep them safe and what you have done to ensure that. Start with a fire safety, show them your smoke detectors, talk about what to do, etc. And make sure you say, see mom and dad always look out for your safety, it is our job to do the best we can to keep you out of harms way. Talk about where you store meds, or cleaners. Have a car seat talk, about how that keeps them safe. Talk about how you follow the driving rules. What they need to learn is, yes there are crazy people in the world that you can't predict, but what we can do is take the proper precautions and then LIVE! It is a tough subject, but it is just all you can do to keep them safe.

As I mentioned earlier this summer. One of my dd's friends was abducted from her home and raped. Sure there were lots of things that might have stopped this, but ultimately things happen. I will say that this child was never taught that the world can be a scary place and they were just way too trusting. So although I spoke with my daughter some, we have really really talked about it this summer. All I can do is arm her with solid saftey advice and then pray she will turn to it if she needs it.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 03:59 pm:

My son is 9 and has that same panic when he thinks we will leave without him, but that is because we used to threaten him that if he didn't get with the program (get shoes/coat on and get ready to go) we would leave him here alone. He hasn't forgotten that.

I heard once that one way to help your children feel more secure is to tell them that there is an invisible bubble all the way around the house and no one can ever enter that bubble without permission from you or daddy. It's like lying, but with kids' overactive imaginations, it might help them imagine their home as a more secure place.

Or it wouldn't hurt invest in a home alarm system. That might be a good thing, too.

Good luck.

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 04:36 pm:

I think knowledge is power. Telling your kids how to handle a situation reverses the fear into "I know what to do". We have many discussions about strangers, etc. I would not tell my child they are safe in our home. Sadly, strangers do come to your home. Instead we role play what to do. We stress that knowing how to handle a situation is 90% of the solution. Instead of focusing on fear, reward them (in role play) for knowing what to do. That is what has worked in our house.
Good luck!

By Tink on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 04:42 pm:

My ds (7yo) is going through a bizarre fear related to being alone anywhere, too. He worries that I won't remember to pick him up from school, that I'll take the dog out to the yard to go potty and leave them home alone, he doesn't even want to be in a room at the other end of the house from me. We just keep stressing how safe he is here and what he can do to keep himself safe. I'm glad to know he isn't the only one since I was beginning to worry that something had happened to make him afraid of being alone.

By Kate on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 07:50 pm:

Didn't you just move to this house? Or am I mistaken? If you did just move, perhaps they are just more anxious than usual due to the new surroundings. Why don't you buy them each a whistle that can hang around their neck, and tell them they can blow that if they're outside and in danger and you are inside. Practice with it and show them how you can hear them from anywhere in the house when you have the windows open. And do keep a window open when they're out and you're in.

Everyone has given good ideas about stressing the steps you have taken to ensure their safety. I would continue role playing and drive home that point that they are allowed and encouraged to kick and scream their heads off when in danger, or even if they THINK they are in danger.

By Claire on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 08:31 pm:

Please read _Protecting the Gift_ by Gavin de Becker.

By Karen~admin on Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 09:18 am:

I bought that book for Jules, based on Claire's recommendation.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 02:08 pm:

I just ordered that book from the library, Claire. Thanks.

Kate, you are right. We did just move. I did ask her yesterday if she was nervous about being outside because it was a new neighborhood and she said yes.

After my little talk with her yesterday, she seems to have chilled out a bit.

By Kate on Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 03:14 pm:

That book is really good. You'll feel more empowered after reading it and you can share tips from it, carefully, with your kids.