My dd's room is on the messy side on a normal day, but whenever she has a friend over, it becomes a war zone! I just went home for lunch and peeked in on them, and I could barely get the door open. Thing is, I usually don't enforce the clean-up rule, since the room wasn't spotless to begin with, but normally what happens is my dd gets stuck with the clean-up, and it's so overwhelming that I end up doing most of it. Any great suggestions? (DD is 11, BTW)

By Tonya on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 03:11 pm:

If the friend helps make the mess the friend helps clean the mess up. If the friend does not help then DS is stuck doing it. He knows if his friends are there they better help or he will be in there for the next month doing it. I didn't make the mess so therefore I do not help clean it up.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 03:13 pm:

I think the friend should help pick up the toys, she played with. It doesn't seem like your daughter should get stuck with the WHOLE mess, if she didn't make the WHOLE mess.

By Tink on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 03:16 pm:

I don't make them clean until it is spotless but I will go in 15 minutes before the playdate is over and tell them it's time to start cleaning up. Then I usually stay in there with them. Otherwise, they continue playing and my dd is still stuck with cleaning up the mess. *Most* of the time, the majority of the mess is tamed in 15 minutes. Anything after that is left to my dd but I've pointed out to her that there is usually a mess anytime we have friends over. I've pointed out the coffee cups and snack plates, etc. that are left even when I have friends over.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 03:26 pm:

YES, I do make them clean up. Since my kids do keep their rooms clean, I do not think it is right to leave them with a mess. If you played with it, you need to put it away.

By Kaye on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 03:58 pm:

Most of the time I do. In general I have a rule they can't have a friend over until there room is clean. So it is easier for them to play and go. However it does drive me a little nuts if we are over to play with families and the kids all melt down and really we need to go (or vice versa) and then to HAVE to clean up. Really sometimes it is just easier to send them on their way and do it myself I am not picky about rooms either, so I don't stress about it as long as the walkway to their bed is clean, so I don't step on stuff!

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 04:11 pm:

I used to do what Tink does.

By Momofmax on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 04:17 pm:

I ususally give the kids a warning about five or ten minutes before they have to leave to begin cleaning up. I give a quick look around and as long a most of the toys are put away I'm fine with that. If they brought toys outside they have to bring them back in and put them away. I don't stress over a clean room but it can't be a disaster either. Every so often I'll sit with ds and REALLY clean his closet and the rest of the room. One thing I'm really funny about is - nothing stored under the bed. I want to be able to swiffer and mop under there without finding any surprises!

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 04:35 pm:

I try to clean up before the kids have friends over, and everyone helps clean up at the end. Likewise, I make my kids help clean up on playdates. Of course it's different at their age than at your DD's age. You might want to tell DD that either she has her room picked up before her guest comes over, or she has to clean all of it afterwards, by herself. Just an idea.

By Tunnia on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 05:32 pm:

I require that the room be put back to pre-visit status before the visiting child leaves. If they choose not to do the clean-up then my child is responsible for the entire thing. Nine times out of ten the friend helps clean the room back up. Also, when one of my children goes to a friend's house and I'm picking him/her up, I make sure that my child helps pick up before we leave.

By Tripletmom on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 06:37 pm:

We always make the friends clean up.We were also tired of cleaning everything up.Katie is expected to clean before she leaves a friends house also.Before we leave I always asked if she cleaned and if not she's to go help before we leave.

By Mommmie on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 09:24 pm:

No, not anymore. My son is almost 12. If he and a friend make a big mess it's my son's job to clean it up. He doesn't want to, of course, so next time when a friend is over they are much less likely to make a mess in the first place. I'll hear my son say to the friend, "No I don't want to dump the lego bucket out bec then I have to clean it up." Sometimes the other kid will say, "I'll help you clean it up" and then it's between them to get it done.

When he is over at other kids' houses I don't say anything like, Did you clean up? I never even gain entry to the 2nd floor to even see what the condition is. Chances are huge the mom of the home doesn't even know the condition of the rooms. The last 2 houses my son has played at over the last 4 days the parents never even venture to the kids' floor or the kids' wing. These rooms are all perpetually super messy according to my son. (Well, I mean when each child is given 2 rooms and a bathroom as their area, they tend to spread out. We live in a much smaller one story home where a messy room is more noticeable.)

Actually, the subject of "cleaning up" hasn't been mentioned in a year or two by any parent including me. It seems very "Barney" for older kids. You can't even say "Clean Up" without busting into song.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 09:43 pm:

"clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere

clean up, clean up, everybody do your share!"

(Don't ask how many times I heard that song!)

By Tripletmom on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 08:39 am:

Dawn,I just finished singing that song about 15 minutes ago with the boys before they went down for there morning nap.It does work though.Its nice to see 3 wiggling bums putting toys away.LOL

By Janet on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 11:37 am:

I called home yesterday about 1/2 hour before dd's friend was supposed to go home, and dd told me they had cleaned up. I asked twice, "Did you really? Are you sure?" She said she was sure, and they really had. When I got home (friend had left by then)(big sister was at home, too, lest you think I'm totally irresponsible), I checked dd's room and it was still a pigsty. I pointed this out to her, along with her claim to have cleaned up, and she said, "We DID clean up! Don't you remember how it was at lunch?" OK, so maybe it was a little cleaned up... but this whole thing drives me nuts. I need a new game plan. Of course, soon she'll be a teenager, and perhaps the destructive friends will grow up, too!

By Tonya on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 11:39 am:

I am trying to turn over a new leaf if the room is awful keep the door closed. If you want me to come in clean it first. If I do not have your dirty cloths I guess they don't get washed. I am trying to lessen my battles and this is a battle I don't care about anymore!!

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 12:09 pm:

WOW! I am a big meanie. If my kids do not keep their rooms clean--not spotless but picked up--they get grounded. I do not like clutter. They have very well organized rooms so they have a place for everything "and everything in its place". I try to keep the house in order. I also feel that this is teaching them to respect our home and how to care for their own home when they move out.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 01:00 pm:

Yvonne, even I would be grounded, if you came to my house. My room is usually somewhat cluttered! LOL!

By Tink on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 02:29 pm:

Yvonne, my kid's rooms are picked up every night before bed and rarely get very messy. I don't expect the floor to be vacuumed or things dusted but keeping their rooms clean is a matter of respect to me. I respect my family enough to keep the house clean for them and I respect the things we own enough to take care of them so I expect my kids to do the same. It's never been a battle for us so I don't see it as being a meanie, just a good habit built from respect for ourselves, the other people that live in our house and our belongings. My kids aren't grounded if their room is dirty at bedtime but they don't do anything else in the morning (or after school) until it is done.

By Yjja123 on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 03:10 pm:

That is how I feel (the respect issue). Trust me, they have only been grounded once for it. After that, they knew what was expected of them. LOL.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 05:32 pm:

Dawn, sounds like you and I are much alike! LOL! My ds who is seven is more organized and clutter free than me. I always say I don't know whose child he is because I am so unorganized and I don't let myself get upset because of it...