Is it fifty/fifty, or just one person? For thirty eight years of marriage, I have handled everything financial. DH's paycheck and pension are direct deposited, and I pay all the bills, do all the saving and investing, etc. He likes to tell his friends that he doesn't even know how much he makes, because he "never sees his check". I give him money for the week, and we put our gas on a gas credit card, so it doesn't come out of his pocket money.

I have tried, over the years, to get him involved, but he always says, "I trust you". He doesn't want to know anything. When I worked outside the home, he had no idea what I made, either. It all went into the same "trough".

His Mom always ran everything, too. Consequently, when she passed away, my FIL didn't have a clue how to write a check, or even what banks his money was in. Fortunately, my MIL told ME everything, and up to the day he died, I wrote all of his checks for him.

I worry that the same thing will happen to DH if I go first. I bought a book and wrote everything down, but he will probably need DD to look after his affairs.

I even brought my checkbook and bills to be paid, to the hospital, when I was in labour with the kids.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 07:00 am:

DH takes care of the bills. I do know what banks we use, though and he does tell me how much his check is, on paydays. His newspaper check and my clinic check are automatically deposited into the bank. My school check, has to be cashed.

I did fine, keeping up with my own bills, when I was single, but DH wants to be in control of the money! LOL! So, he writes the checks.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 08:40 am:

When we both worked FT before kids we both took care of the finances. DH paid the big bills (rent/mortgage, insurance, taxes) and I paid all the utilities. He made more than me, and it worked out nicely that way. Since becoming a SAHM DH took over all the finances. Since he's very good at it, and I do the lion's share of housework and childcare, it just seemed fair that way. Every now and then we'll sit down together and go over everything so that I'm not totally clueless. I have access to all our accounts and am able to write checks and pay bills if/when necessary.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 08:59 am:

Hol - I'm like you and always have been. My DH is ADD when it comes to finances, and is really only interested if it's necessary. That's fine by me because I like to be in control of the money anyway. I write all the bills, manage investments and retirement, college savings, savings...the works. I like it that way! DH would have a hard time telling you what his check is, but he does know our mortgage payment and some of our big yearly bills (taxes, home ins., etc.) Ditto Trina - every once in a while I just make him sit down and review our budget and get an update, just for his own good!

The only thing he does is balance the checkbook quarterly. I haven't balanced the ckbook in 8 years of marriage! So he is kind of kept updated that way. I will consult him and get his opinion if we need to do something with a larger chunk of $. He just doesn't really care and he trusts me, so it works out. We both look at spending and saving the same way, so there's really no disagreements on that type of thing, so it makes it easy.

As far as PAYING...unfortunately that is the big downside to being a SAHM. We split our bills 50/50 when I worked full time. Bills were in our respective names and we didn't share credit cards. Not because of anything other than we just didn't! We both had credit before we got married, and handing that all over to one person just didn't seem smart to us. I bought my own car, he bought his own car, etc. Now my bills are still in my name but I'm not paying them!!That's been the hardest part for me as a SAHM now, because I can't do that. It's just a personal thing for me. I work very part time as a developmental therapist and make my own schedule. It is a high paying job by the hour, so depending on my clientele (sp?) at the moment, I am making a pretty good contribution to the family finances or I'm making very little. Needless to say I feel much better when I'm making more, although DH doesn't care. He fully supported my decision to stay home, and would have supported me going back to work if that's what I had chosen.

DH is definitely literate about finances and would be fine without me, but just would rather not mess with it. And when he does want/need to make a larger purchase, he always gets the financial update from me and goes from there based on my "state of the union". LOL!

By Debbie on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 09:27 am:

I pay all the bills, but we are both involved in our finances. Dh knows how much money we have, and what our bills are each month. I just physically pay the bills. It seems to be working out fine. I just get frustrated with dh because he tends to use the ATM machine, and doesn't record it in the check book. So, I have gotten in the habit of going online every few days and checking our account. We don't make big purchases without talking with each other. And, we sat down a few years ago and started college funds, built up our regular savings, and retirment savings. So, we do discuss everything, and he would be fine if anything happened to me. Now, ask him how to work the programable thermostat, or our new washer and dryer, and he would be lost.

By Karen~admin on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 09:33 am:

I handle the checkbook and paying of bills and DH handles the retirement accounts. Though we both are involved in all of it, he certainly knows more about the retirement accounts, and *I* certainly am much more aware of where we stand day to day. He is a bit unrealistic about what we actually *can* and *can't* afford though, and I've always told him that he thinks we have a money tree in the back yard.

By Marcia on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 09:42 am:

I handle all of the finances, but he knows exactly what's going on. We discuss all of the retirement savings before investing anything. If anything happened to me, he'd be fine. I do almost everything on the internet or through direct deposit/withdrawal, which makes it so much easier.

When my Dad died last year, my mom didn't have a clue about any of it. Luckily my Dad kept books on all of their finances since day 1. It made it a lot easier for her to figure out what was going on. My sister gives her a hand doing her own books every week.

By Crystal915 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 11:28 am:

Definitely me. DH has no idea of our financial standing, what bills are due when, or anything.

By Pamt on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 12:42 pm:

Both--not 50/50, but 100/100. Both of our checks are direct deposited. I am the actual bill payer, but DH is the checkbook balancer(or account balancer since checkbooks are almost a thing of the past). That way we both know where the money is going every month. DH has set up all of our retirement, mutual funds, and life insurance because he had a business degree and I'm am clueless about business and investment stuff. I do know where all of our money is though and how much is invested where. I am a little tighter with money thatn DH is.

I have been wanting to really rein in our budget since I think we waste a lot of money on stuff like videos and cokes. Just last week, after he finished reading a book on simplicity, DH came up and suggested that we start the first of August with an itemized list of every penny we spend for the month. Yes!! That way we'll both know exactly where everything is going and can make necessary adjustments.

By Luvn29 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 02:47 pm:

My husband handles everything. He balances the checkbook, makes out bills, pays bills, etc. This is all because of my disabilities. At one time, I could do nothing. I have major cognitive problems, and still do, only not as bad. But I do not trust myself to handle finances or anything of importance. I may think I know what I am doing, but I won't. For instance, I went to the bank, and instead of depositing one set amount that needed to be deposited, I kept out that amount of a check and deposited the rest. All while thinking, I need to deposit this amount. However, I counted the money when I got it, and my mind registered it being correct. Because I had two numbers in my head, and they kept interchanging even though I wasn't aware of it.

So, my husband takes care of all of that. I do know how to balance the checkbook, where and when our bills are paid, etc., so I'm not oblivious to everything. And I am able to pay certain bills now when they need to be, and do specific things on specific days. However, my husband tells me "this needs to be paid tomorrow at such and such place." He gets the bill out, places it in my purse, usually with a check to cover it already, and then he reminds me in the morning before he leaves, because I have short term memory problems. Often times, he'll call me from work to remind me after I wake up because I won't remember. He only does this if it is important to have it paid that certain day...

So, because of my disabilities, my husband takes care of all this stuff. He even goes grocery shopping with me every week. I can only push the cart for so long, till it gets heavy. And then he is there to unload the cart at the check out, load the groceries into the car, and unload them at home. We've made this a special time that we both look forward to, because it is just the two of us together. Our kids don't like to go grocery shopping, so they stay at my parents' house.

Thank God I am blessed with such a wonderful husband who does all of this with no complaints. He even does laundry, and keeps the kitchen clean for me! I have a one of a kind husband, that's for sure!!!

He's says as long as I keep cooking those good meals for him, he asks for nothing else! LOL!

By Hol on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 03:26 pm:

Adena - (((HUGS))) to you. You are very brave, and I am so happy that you have such a wonderful husband.

I think, because DH and I got married at nineteen, right from our parents' homes, for us there was no "mine" and "yours". Neither of us owned anything individually before marriage, so we've always had everything joint. Even our vehicles are titled in both names, so that there is no problem with switching ownership, if one of us dies.

Crystal, your DH sounds just like mine. I have TRIED to involve him, but he wants no part of it. I can't trust him to pay the bills on time because he's "drifty" about other aspects of things. I don't give him anything to mail because he will come home and it will still be in his briefcase. He'll say, "Oh, I meant to. I forgot" (yet he tells the boys that "that's not acceptable" if THEY forget to do something). What makes it even more pathetic is, that DH works in the Post Office!!!

Pam - You are right about small, seemingly insignificant expenses adding up. I have made a vow to start keeping tabs on that sort of thing, too. Mikey and I were waiting for Shawn to get out of work the other night. We decided to go to McDonald's. Since neither of us eat meat, we decided to get milkshakes and fries. It was over $10.00! Also, here in the Northeast, we LOVE our iced coffee! I was spending $3.00 a day at Dunkin Donuts. I decided to make a pot of coffee every morning and refrigerate it.

By Tink on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 04:23 pm:

I take care of most things. DH is aware of how much our major payments are but utilities, credit card payments, etc. are all handled by me. I make sure the payments are sent out in time and I budget for the bigger expenses. The only way he knows information about our finances is because I will give him a brief rundown after I've gone over things, like our account balances, what bills were paid and what things I'm saving up for. I don't want to even contemplate what kind of late fees we'd have, if things were left to him. Besides, it's definitely an area that I have more of a gift for than he does.

By Yjja123 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 04:44 pm:

I handle all the finances. I have a spreadsheet that shows where it all goes. Hubby can look at it at any time. We have a regular weekly/monthly budget so if doesn't change too much. I spend about the same on groceries/incidentals each week.
Hubby would not want to handle the finances besides my schedule allows me more time to keep it in check.

By Boxzgrl on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 05:54 pm:

I do everything and always will. Dh is a compulsive spender so if I left everything up to him he'd pay minimum on everything so he had more to spend. Before we married he paid his car loan when he felt like it. He's very irresponsible when it comes to money. Most of you know that though.

By Karen~admin on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 06:15 pm:

Pam, we use an Excel spreadsheet that we do just that with. DH has set one up for Jeff to do the same thing.

By Bellajoe on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 07:41 pm:

dh pays the bills, i know what bank we go to and how much money we have and that sort of thing, but i trust dh more than myself to get the bills paid ontime.

By Reds9298 on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 08:44 pm:

We use a spreadsheet, too, and it's everything that we can think of that we have to pay on a monthly basis VS what comes in.

We have often had periods where we kept tabs on everything because the little things REALLY add up and that always surprises me. One of my hardest things to remember to do is budget for birthdays/holidays outside of Christmas. February is a huge birthday/anniversary month around here so it's a big hit not too long after Christmas. And one of my BIGGEST irritations is groceries - how can they be so expensive??!!! 2 1/2 people live in this house! I don't know how large families do it when it comes to groceries and paper products.

By Hol on Sunday, July 30, 2006 - 10:07 pm:

Hold on...I think we are just seeing the BEGINNING of high food costs. Between high fuel prices, and droughts in the Midwest...any excuse to raise prices.

We have a friend that is raising and homeschooling eight kids. About half are over eighteen now, but still live at home. On top of it, her DH passed away suddenly two years ago. He was 52.

She goes to Sam's Club every other week. She says that each child has a section and a list. They take the coupons from their section and get everything on the list. Then I guess everyone pitches in to put it away. Money is tighter now for her, being widowed. She also works part time at a Christian school, tho the older kids pay into the house.

She says that she makes a lot of cassaroles, lasagnas, etc. God bless her. I know how much I spend with only TWO kids still home. Of course, they're boys, too and are bottomless. At least girls are always dieting!

By Karen~admin on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 07:27 am:

Hol, I didn't realize that Sams accepted coupons???

By Jackie on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 08:13 am:

Our Sam's does not accept coupons.

By Lorebunde on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 08:41 am:

My DH pays all bill, etc. He cashes my check (so I don't have to go to the bank). Gives me so much each check. But asks a few times a week if I need any money. He also pays for my nails, hair, etc. I have my own credit cards that I pay and he pays his.

By Tonya on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 08:45 am:

I handle everything. DH's paycheck is direct deposit as is mine. He get the stub at work so he knows what he makes just never sees it. He is awful with money. Worse than Melissa's DH cause before we were together he just didn't pay a bill if something else needed to be done. (like party or go out!) I pay all of the bills and do all of the shopping. If he needs something he tells me to add it to my list.

He does not have a debit card or any access to our money if he needs the card he tells me I give it to him and he has to give it right back with a receipt when he gets back home.

He has no clue what our bills are just that he knows I pay them.

He will tell him buddies he has no money and wants none cause it will jsut get him in trouble. Or if a buddy asks him to go out he will tell them he has to check with the banker and get back to them.

I will say I am like Crystal I wish I could get him more involved so I am not the only one stressed all of the time but he wants no part of it.

By Crystal915 on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 11:35 am:

I don't even try to get N involved, because he just has no money sense. He has his own debit cards, etc, and every so often will just go "I'm gonna go spend money." Usually I can talk him out of it by asking what he plans on buying, or what he thinks he needs from the PX, but sometimes he just does it anyway. (Example, this weekend he spent almost $200, shopping therapy, some of it was an MP3 player I didn't ask for or need, but he gave me.) I could honestly go and spend everything in our accounts, and he wouldn't know the difference unless his card was rejected. This is why he and his ex had such financial trouble.

By Tonya on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 11:44 am:

I could never give Rich any card of his own to have or we would be in a cardboard box under a bridge. He will agree. We have what we do because I budget everything. He has no concept of $$. He thinks it grows on trees.

That is why we are right now cleaning up his credit. It is awful!!!

By Mrsheidi on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 01:14 pm:

Every 6 months, we trade the checkbook. It helps to know where all the money is and both of us know where it's going.
Obviously, I'm doing the books while he's away, but he still checks it online. We're both control freaks so it's a way to compromise. He's a big saver and investor and I'm the one who won't buy the expensive stuff or just "make do" without things. We haven't upgraded our cell phones in 3 years because of me and we have lots in savings and 401k because of him. I'm really proud of our teamwork and we've both taught each other a lot.

By Enchens on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 03:57 pm:

My husband does. I made a small error when balancing the checkbook a month after we married, and since then, money matters have been his arena. I did everything for myself before we married, so I do know how to do things. He pays all the bills, has all the credit cards in his name, deals with the bank and our accounts. He does everything. We consult each other on when to spend money for things, how to budget, how much we can spend for the month, etc. We don't write anything down-dh keeps it all in his head. He's such a numbers guy.
Anyway, my only fear is what will happen if I suddenly become a widow. With everything being in his name, I may run into trouble. We were naive about money and credit cards when we got married, which is why I closed all my accounts and put everything in his name. We figured, we are married, everything is "ours" we have no problems putting everything under his name because he is the head of our household. Well, now we need to make sure that I can at least deal with the "big stuff" if something were to happen.

By Hol on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 04:20 pm:

Maybe it is BJ's she goes to. I only go to Sam's, but I have never used coupons there.

My DD has a BJ's membership through the hospital where she works. I know they send out flyers with coupons to be used in their store.

By Kaye on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 05:27 pm:

Hol is your friend barbara from the old board? i recall her talking about going to bj's with her girls and their coupons. She reall ran a tight ship.

By Crystal915 on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 05:33 pm:

Echens, your DH can add you to his credit cards and such. Of course things like car loans are a bit more difficult to add you to, but I'm authorized on all of my husband's accounts. I made the same mistake with my first marriage, except it was all in my name because he had bad credit, and my credit is now in ruins from our divorce.

By Hol on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 10:42 pm:

No, Kaye. My friend's name is Pam. She, too, is very organized (has to be with eight kids). She is also an amazing woman. She is always cheerful and pleasant. Even when people made condolence calls to her home right after her husband's death, she was ministering to THEM.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 01:04 am:

Hol, with in a few months of Rob and I dating he was giving me his checks to cash and I was giving him pocket money. LOL We have never had a yours and mine money issues either. It has always been our money. I have handled all of Rob's bills since before we lived together. It worked out better that way because he worked out of town, long hours and I could make it to the offices and get them paid during the day.. I still pay all of the bills. He knows where we bank but that is about as far as it goes. I am better at it and he can't handle the added stress.. So like you, I am the one in charge.. LOL It is well known that if (God forbid) something happens to me someone else will have to take care of him.. Our oldest tells him, "Don't worry daddy, I got your back.", when they go to the grocery store with out me.. LOL I know they will all step up and make sure he is taken care of..