My DH is on psychiatric medication, and has been for about a year. I noticed last week that it didn't look like the bottle was as empty as it should have been, considering the date it was filled. I counted the pills when he was out, and there were only 20 days or so missing, but the script was filled in the beginning of June. Ok, perhaps he combined bottles when he refilled, I decided to keep an eye on it. I counted again this morning, and there should be 8, or possibly 9 (if he took today's dose) days worth missing, but there are 11 days missing. I know for a fact what day I counted on, because I had talked to a friend about it last Friday, and counted Saturday afternoon. So, I know something is off, he's not taking the medication as he's supposed to, if he's taking it at all. The reason I wonder if he's even taking it at all is his behavior has been erratic, moody, and often inappropriate. What do I do? If I confront him, he'll throw a fit. We're already having enough trouble in our marriage, counseling hasn't helped, and we're on the verge of a separation. I'm just at a loss at this point, I can't monitor him constantly, and I can't deal with the mood swings.

By Vicki on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 09:29 am:

Would it be possible to just ask him if he is taking them? Maybe mention that you are noticing that his moods aren't quite the same and ask if he is taking them or mention that maybe a new dose is now needed??

By Karen~admin on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 09:42 am:

Anon, it is very common for people on anti-depressants to stop taking them when they start feeling better. Their thought is *I'm fine now, so why should I take them?* I know several people who are dealing with this exact same issue. Some people feel *less of a man* if they need these meds. It doesn't matter what their reason is for not taking them, the fact is they DO need them, and their behavior clearly demonstrates it.

Are you still going to counseling? If so, can you bring up the meds issue there? I know someone who just hands her DH the pill and a glass of water and tells him to take it, and once he's back on his meds, his behavior really changes.

Whatever you do, it will have to be addressed. Look at it this way - he's going to throw a fit if you confront him, but without taking the meds, he's acting in an unacceptable manner anyway.

I'm sorry, I just don't know what else to tell you.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 09:59 am:

Thanks for your responses. No, I can't confront him, because we are already on such bad terms. We are not going to counseling together anymore, he stopped following through with it. I still see my therapist, but he's stopped individual and marital counseling. Karen, you're right, he's acting unacceptable as is, but I'm not even positive what is going on with his meds, I'm going to continue to monitor them for a bit.

By Luvn29 on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 10:03 am:

Is it a possibility for you to start giving him his meds daily? I know this makes you feel like his babysitter, but he may have difficulty remembering them at times, and then he thinks, well I did okay without them, so he stops for a few days.

It may just be easier for you to be in charge then to have to deal with his personality when he stops taking them.

But make sure to do it in a caring way. Let him know you are doing it only because you care. Tell him you want to take care of him. Let him know how much you love him and enjoy being with him when he is his regular self.

Good luck!

By Sandysmom on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 11:26 am:

((((((Anon)))))) It is true what Karen said about people stopping the meds when they feel better. When you make his breakfast/lunch/or dinner, try giving him his pill with his drink. Tell him that you are in this together and this is your way of supporting him. Definitely let him know how much you love him. Other than that, I can't think of anything else. Good luck sweetie, I'll say a prayer. ((((hugs))))
scott dot family 4 @ verizon dot net if you ever want to talk.

By Cat on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 12:00 pm:

{{{{{Anon}}}}} I know how hard it is just getting Robin to take his meds and he's only 12yo! I really worry about when he's older if he'll remember, if he'll try to go off them, etc. I hope he'll have caring friends or a wife to gently remind him when I'm not there to do it. Maybe like Sandysmom said, gently reminding him and telling him you're in it together might work. Tell him you remind him because you care about him and about the two of you as a couple. More hugs and good luck.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 02:07 pm:

If you're relationship was pretty solid before this, I might agree that gently reminding him or taking over his meds schedule might work, but if the relationship is already rocky, I don't see how you could accomplish this. It is a very fine line between acting like a partner and acting like a parent in these kinds of situations. He is a grown man and needs to take charge of his own physical and mental health. I would think he might grow to resent being constantly reminded, especially by his wife who he is not on the best of terms with. BTDT

I would suggest talking it out with your therapist. Go through all the possible scenarios and then decide how to approach him. I just don't see how you can not voice your concerns to him. Not only do you share a life together, and I'm assuming children together, you share a house together. His behavior and his taking/not taking the meds affect you and those kids. You really need to be proactive and handle it now.

I am sorry this is happening. I have been where you are and it's really not somewhere I ever want to visit again. But, a good support system is invaluable now and I pray that you have one you can lean on.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 04:42 pm:

Well, like I said, we're separating, this is probably one factor that has led to the decision, but obviously there are other issues. That's why I can't make sure he takes his meds, he'll accuse me of being a mother hen, and treating him like a child. I will discuss this with my therapist, and get her opinion on it, but right now I am trying to rock the boat as little as possible, and we just generally spend very little time together, except when spending family time with the kids. He'll be moving out soon, and we'll see what happens from there.

By Karen~admin on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 05:52 pm:

Anon, I'm sorry to hear you are separating. Does he realize the impact that failing to take his meds has had on your marriage and family?? I think it's very sad that he's not willing to stay on his meds, when that clearly has impacted your relationship.

Do you and/or he WANT to repair the marriage? Do you have plans to work on it? I'm asking, because *if* you do, he needs to understand that staying on his meds is crucial. I know I'm probably preaching to the choir here, and I'm sorry. It's just that so many people who suffer from depression feel that being on meds somehow makes them *less* of a person, when in reality, the meds allow them to be the whole person they can be, and it frustrates me. I find that this is much more common in men.

I truly hope you can work this out.

By Anonymous on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 07:13 pm:

Karen, I struggle with depression as well, and while that's not his diagnosis, or mine, I understand the need for continuing meds. As for working things out, there has been a lot over the past few years that has contributed to us separating, we're going to do this as a trial (our state doesn't require legal separation, so we're just going to take a break), and see if we can work things out over time. There are also a lot of factors with his diagnosis, I don't feel it's complete, but there is very little that can be done to get a correct diagnosis, for reasons I can't get into. It's all quite complicated, but the bottom line is he's stopped making the effort, will admit he has a defeatist attitude at this point, which could be why he's messing around with his dosing. He wants to save our marriage, but I can't trust him to tell the truth about even the smallest things, and him giving up on therapy was pretty much the end for me. If he chooses to try harder once we're separated, because as the old saying goes, you don't know what you have until it's gone, we may reconcile. Otherwise, I'm focusing on becoming friends again, we've been enemies for too long now.

Thank you ladies, for letting me vent, and for your suggestions. I appreciate knowing I can come here for support!!