things that they have no idea what they're talking about.

My dad, the guy who avoided changing diapers (for any of his kids) told me something that irked me today. He gave me parenting advice and it went like this: (BTW, he did have a kid 9 years ago, so he feels he speaks of experience. Him and my step mom have this weird wannabe Beaver Cleaver feeling that's creepy at times though. I can't believe I was on speaker phone and my step mom let him say this to me.)

ME: "I took Connor to music class for the first time and he wouldn't even set foot in the room. He cried for the first 10 minutes and sat in my lap and observed for the next 30 minutes."

HIM: "Well, that means HE has control over YOU!"

ME: (Uuummm...what? Ok, husband is gone and I am feeling gutsy and standing up to my dad for once.) "No, what it means is that he's slow to warm up to new situations. His second time, he at least stepped foot in the room halfway through and sat on my lap! He even went up and picked up an instrument!"

HIM: "Oh, well if you let them walk all over you..."

ME: "I'm not letting him walk all over me, dad. I can't force him to like anything. It's my duty as a mother to just at least expose him to different things."

My step mom was silent...then she says "Well, he was so good at our house a few months ago. He adjusted quite well!"

A total lie...he cried more than he ever did in one week's span and never held more tightly onto me than when we were in Iowa. That trip caused me to cancel my next trip to our family reunion in Colorado, even after I paid a $135 deposit. (And, you all know how thrifty I am and how much I ADORE that state!) I couldn't even go to the bathroom at their house without an audience. The lack of sleep was another whole story.

So, I had to correct her too. And, I did.

It's funny...I don't take crap from anyone and I realized that tonight I actually told my dad HE was wrong. It's sad that it had to be a family member though. I just get tired of people telling me that Connor has control of me, especially when they don't see me putting him in timeout *consistently* for things I don't tolerate.

I think my husband's deployment is changing me quite a bit. I stick up for Connor quite a bit more and, to be honest, it feels good. I used to just ignore statements like that and let them roll off my back...aaaaahhhhhhhh...not any more.

Sometimes, we have to adapt as parents. Connor has a personality that is the opposite as mine and I feel God is trying to teach me something. He has taught me patience and understanding...some things I never thought I would learn.

By Hol on Friday, July 7, 2006 - 11:54 pm:

Heidi, I have been there, too, in my younger days. My parents and in laws gave unsolicited advice about everything from breast feeding to getting my oldest DS transferred to another school when he had an abusive second grade teacher (my Dad told me I was "always running interference for my kids". Well, YEAH, that's my job). My mother-in-law actually went so far as to make "suggestions" about what we should name our kids. Maybe they meant well, but it was unwanted and unappreciated. I was VERY young and didn't have a "backbone" for many years.
Now that I am a mother-in-law and Grandma myself, I try to mind my own beeswax, because I remember what it was like. I only give an opinion if I am asked. DH is the control freak. He offers opinions about everything. DD and her hubby recently purcahsed a brand new Ford Expedition and DH says, "What...do you own stock in Exxon?". Geesh!
It's good that you stood up to your Dad. Your relationship now should be that of two adults. You're not his little girl anymore, and you are certainly a competent parent.

By Imamommyx4 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 12:46 am:

If you don't stick up for your child, who will??

By Imamommyx4 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 12:47 am:

BTW, that is meant to be in agreement. Not an argument.

By Kiki on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 03:15 am:

Good for you! Ditto Debbie.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 08:13 am:

Good for you! I HATE it when things like that are said. I've started doing the same thing with ALL of the parents in the last year or so. when they say stupid crap that it is a LIE, I'm just calling them on it or telling them they're wrong period. Yes, they think I'm a b**** and probably argumentative (which of course I can be!), but I just don't care anymore. DH has my back. LOL

It's frustrating, I know.

By Sandysmom on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 08:25 am:

Good for you Heidi! I also have relatives who are kind of egotistical with their parenting skills and it is irritating.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 10:10 am:

My dil and I agreed, when Brooke was about a week old - after a short discussion about pacifiers - that I would not offer parenting advice unless asked - and I don't expect to be asked. I do bite my tongue, but I also remember that my parents did a lot of tongue-biting when I was raising mine, so it's a good thing to pass along.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 10:27 am:

On the phone with my childless SIL, I notice that Emily is starting to poop (back when she was a toddler in diapers). She suggests that I put her on the potty chair to see if she will poop on the potty. Well, I didn't that time, because I think I was too late already and I was on the phone. So, a different day, I try it, take the diaper off and put her on the potty chair. Well, needless to say, nothing happened. I put her diaper back on and then she pooped. I knew it wouldn't work, before I started. Emily wasn't interested in potty training, at that point in time. I knew that just magically putting her on the potty wasn't going to make any difference. I don't remember anymore, when this incident took place in relation to her actually being potty-trained, though. I know that when she was ready, it took almost no time at all.

By Juli4 on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 12:14 pm:

I have had the same "discussions" with my in laws. They do not take into account each childs personalities and preferences. it is annoying, but a part of life

By Nicki on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 01:39 pm:

Yep, same thing here. And so true, Julie, annoying but it seems to haunt all of us moms, doesn't it? My DH had to have a talk with my mil because it was driving me batty. She has been a little bit better.

Julie, how are you doing? Are feeling okay? I can't imagine being pregnant in the summer and taking care of little ones! I hope you are getting enough rest.

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, July 8, 2006 - 09:30 pm:

I'm so glad I'm not the only one!