About my fourth of July (long)
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive July 2006:
About my fourth of July (long)
I had to give myself time to calm down before I posted about my night.
Dh had to work on the 4th (he works nights.) So I thought it would be nice for just ds and I to go to the fireworks in downtown Grand Rapids. They shoot them out over the river. We haven't been there since ds was 4 (he's 9 now) and we haven't seen any REAL good fireworks since then, either. Ds agreed that we would go, and I was looking forward to spending time alone with my son. So I got dressed up and got a few things together (bug spray, blanket, etc) and decided to run to the store and get some sparklers. Ds said he didn't want to go to the store at that particular moment, but I said no, we should go now and get downtown early and get a good spot.
Guess who we ran into at the store? My son's friend, my favorite one  with his mom and sister. They were buying fireworks, and invited ds to their house to light them off. Instantly ds said he would rather do that than go see the fireworks downtown. He left the store with them and I went home alone.
I must admit I felt sorry for myself and held a pity party for myself. I blamed this kid for ruining my night with my son. I cried for a while. Then I did some cleaning. Then I pinched my fingers in a cupboard door and I cried some more.
Then ds called and asked if I would come over to watch them light off fireworks. I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and went over. I felt better at least knowing my son wanted to spend time with me.
When I got there, they were just lighting off smoke bombs in the street in front of their house. But soon the neighbors were lighting off illegal fireworks (In MI fireworks that leave the ground are illegal- but people get them anyway, usually in Indiana) and they were loud. Apparently, my son's friend didn't like the loud booms and pops, and he went inside the house and watched them from the living room window.
But then he wanted his mom to come in, too. I don't know if he was scared, or if he was in a bad mood. She went in once, and I heard her yelling at him, but I don't know what she said. She must have made him mad, tho. My guess is he wanted her to STAY inside with him. She refused, probably because she'd bought over $50 worth of fireworks and they had guests that they had invited over (ds and me.)
So, her son continued to holler out to her to come in, and she ignored him. The more she ignored him, the madder he got. Every single time she'd go light off a firework and we'd watched it til it burned out, he'd pop his head out the front door and yell for her, then he'd shut/slam the door and go flop on the couch with a scowl on his face and crying. So, this is kind of how it went:
MOM! COM'ERE!
MOM! COM'ERE! SLAM!
MOM! GET IN HERE! SLAM!
MOM! MOM! SLAM!
MOM! GET IN HERE NOW! SLAM!
Then he progressed to his bedroom window (also in the front) and started screaming at her and then slamming the window down hard. At one point, he started banging on the window.
She completely ignored him the whole time. So she didn't give in to his demand, but she allowed him to get so worked up that he was totally out of control.
All the action outside distracted me from his incessant nonsense. There were the neighbor's fireworks, plus we could see some of the fireworks downtown, and some were going off behind the house. Ds wanted me to light the sparklers, and that kept me busy for a while, too.
BUT, knowing what I read here On my last thread about this kid I knew better than to say or do anything to interfere. I probably could have left, but his mom was busy lighting off her fireworks and was just so calm, having fun with us and her dd, and watching all the action, too. She almost seemed like she was used to this behavior, and it didn't seem to bother her. (Of course, she may not have wanted to deal with her son while we were there, and maybe it did bother her, and she didn't show it. I know I would have been mortified!)
Besides, this kid was exhibiting his absolute worst behavior for my son to see. He revealed some true colors.
So that was how my fourth of July went. It was practically a total disaster, and all because of this one kid, whom I now dislike even more than I did before. The only bright spot about this is that he is most likely grounded now.
Oh, and I am determined to see some fireworks this summer, so we are going to a baseball game Saturday night, and afterwards they are putting on some fireworks there.
Lisa, I'm so sorry that your Fourth was so crummy. Isn't that always the way, when you have your heart set on something. Yes, that Mom probably is used to her little "darling" and his tantrums. He was trying to totally control his Mom, and take center stage for the night. That can't be easy for her. At least your DS wanted you with him, and he did witness the negative side of his "friend".
It's hard when your child has a friend that you just don't like, and unless the friendship is going to put either one of them in danger, you almost have to let it run it's course (and it will).
Tell your DS that Saturday night is going to be your night (just the two of you). And don't let the other kid know about your plans.
I am so sorry that your night was so crummy. I have to be honest though. I would have told my son that we had plans already. That's probably easy for me to say when mine is 7. He is a pouter though. But he could play with that kid any night of the week. I think I would have a nice talk with my son about how in the future things will go. He didn't do anything wrong but he will know what to expect next time. I hope that boy is grounded.
I am sorry everything was crummy for your night but I am like Beth I would have told him No also that we already have plans and we are sticking with our plans. A night on the town just you and me and left it at that. He would have been fine once you got there. But lesson learned and you will know for next time.
Yes, you are right. I could have stood my ground. I suppose it's one of those things where I picked not to fight that battle. But yes, lesson learned.
Lisa, I'm sorry it wasn't a good holiday for you too. And - we all learn some of those lessons the painful way. {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Lisa, one of my favorite aphorims: Wisdom comes from experience - experience comes from mistakes.
I console myself that if I never made mistakes, I would never learn anything.
Lisa, I have BTDT. I can definitely sympathize with your situation. (((hugs)))
A side note-
My ds has been busy the past couple of weeks. He spent 2 nights at this grandparents' house, 3 or 4 nights at his friend's house, and his friend has spent the night at our house 3 or 4 nights (I lost count! )
Last night, I was doing up a mountain of dishes, and ds comes to me and says he wants to have some alone time with me.
I said, "Really? You DO??"
He said, "yeah."
I said, "Okay. How about we make a deal. I will spend time with you tonight, and then you have to spend time with me sometime when I tell you I want to spend time with you."
He said, "What if I want to play with my friends?"
I said, "You already spend lots of time with them. More than you do with me or daddy. There's lots of times we want spend time with you and we can't because you aren't here."
He said, "Like when?"
I said, without even thinking about it, "Like the 4th of July."
He looked at me with sad eyes. I said, "I was very disappointed that you didn't want to go see the fireworks with me. It would have been more fun than listening to your friend scream at his mom the whole time."
He nodded in agreement to that, and said he was sorry for disappointing me and that next year we would DEFINITELY go see the fireworks together.
So, a happy ending, I hope!
I really like the way you handled that, Lisa. You brought in the idea of compromise (the deal), that you and dh like to spend time with your son and give that up to allow him to spend time with his friends, and got him to think about what happened on the 4th of July.
Well done. I suspect (and hope) that little by little, as you handle things in a way that treats him like a partner in some of the decisions about how he spends his time, he will begin to re-evaluate that friend. And think harder about decision making and potential consequences. But don't expect him to tell you about it (although he might - especially if you don't ask). I am hearing things from and about my sons now that happened as much as 20-25 years ago and how things worked out. I usually say "I didn't know that happened", and the son usually responds "oops". But for me, one of the joys of having adult children is seeing how much of my values comes out of their mouths and appears in their decisions. It's a real joy and makes me proud. I hope for the same for you.
Ditto Ginny!
|
Members
