Dead beat dad.....
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2006:
Dead beat dad.....
Well lets just say my oldest sons father is a dead beat. He never sees my DS or calls him because he tells DS he hates me.
Well its a long story to get into, but I have this issue with him right now. My Ds went to the dentist as he does every 6 months for a cleaning. During this cleaning the hygentist said that he had to see and orthodontist, he has a permanent tooth that is coming in, in the space where 2 teeth should be because the tooth is so large(on both sides). She also feels he needs braces because there is so much crowding.
My insurance does not cover orthodontic care, and DS father has no insurance. There is a court order that he pay 76% of all uninsured medical and I pay 24%. So I call him to let him know what is going on, he won't talk to me (hasn't in 5 years) so he makes me talk this over with the girlfriend. She tells me that they cannot afford it. And that DS father says besides he doesn't even go to the dentist for himself. So this ticked me off and I said well that is his choice if he doesn't go ,but I will not deprive my son of healthy teeth.
I tried to call to see what they thought we should do, being considerate, I could have just made the appointment and never called them and just billed him for the portion. But I thought that maybe together we could make arragements to set up a payment plan with the orthodontist ($70 a month for 3 years). So the girfriend tells me I don't know what you are going to do but we cannot F***** afford it. Nice Huh? Then yesterday I drive by DS fathers house on the way to a local store and guess what? Brand new garage going up. AM I MAD. I made the ortho appointment. What would you have done??? I had to vent I am so angry.
I would make the appointment, expect to pay the costs, and you'll have to go to court to get the money. The courts will eventually start docking his pay to reimburse you. (They are doing this with my ex on back child support. If it weren't for DH having military healthcare for the kids my ex would be required to provide it, and can't.) ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry you and your DS have to go through this, your ex sounds like a real jerk. Vent away!!
The problem with them docking his pay is he is a self employed contractor and hides a ton of income. So hard to prove in court when he only shows so much on his taxes.
The courts know what self employed means and they will tell him pay or go to jail you pick. If you take a few pictures right now of the garage going up you can take those to court too.
Judges know what a dead beat is and they can pick them out when they are in front of them in court. If that is what the order is then so be it he has to figure out a way to pay it. Make sure everything is documented from the dentist and you will be fine.
I dealt with this for 4 yrs and a court order is a court order. He can do it or go to jail.
Good luck and stay tough and firm do what you have to do for your kids.
What a jerk!! I think you did the right thing, but Crystal is right; you will probably have to take him to court to get the money. What a shame.
Brooke, this same exact thing happened to me with my ex. Almost the same percentages too, except mine are higher and I make hardly any money. I am still single also. My son went to the park with a friend and broke his tooth off over half way up. I took him to the dentist and he got a temp tooth...the crown was going to cost $700.00. Keep in mind I also do not get any child support like I am supposed to! And my ex has a new truck, a new Harley a house and goes on a lot of trips. (Puts it all in new wife's name)I called him and told him and he told me no, that it was my problem, that our papers said nothing about *cosmetics*. Nice, huh? Then after talking to the child he said he would only pay half. I live paycheck to paycheck. I would have sold something to pay for it if I had to. When the dentist initially asked me what I wanted to do, before I could talk to the ex, I said do what you have to do, I will do whatever I have to to pay it! Not only was it embarrassing for my ds but very painful as well as his nerve was exposed! So the ex played games and wanted faxed estimates on letterhead, blah blah blah. Here is how I feel about this.
It has taken me a long time to get to this place and sometimes I falter. I expect NOTHING from the @#$%^&*. Absolutely nothing. There is court pending, has been for the last FOUR years. I expect nothing from that either. If he gets nailed, finally, GREAT. Then I get a bonus that I never counted on in the first place! I got tired of him still controlling my feelings! My frustration at my children not being taken care of is still there. But I do the best I can and try not to dwell on what *should* be. Expect nothing and count whatever you get as a bonus, a blessing. I do not understand why men feel they can do this to women and children. In punishing us they hurt the people in their lives that they should want to protect the most. Well, my ex isn't hurting me anymore, he is killing any chance he might have had with a future relationship with my children. I don't have to tell them what a piece of poop he is. They are already smart enought at 8 and 12 to see it for themselves. They know he has new things and we do not, he has tattoos and they have no insurance, and on and on and on. My daughter has severe skin problems and cannot see a derm because medicaid does not have a derm here, just one five hours away. And they see that I have to very carefully weigh out each and every move I make to make sure there is enough for our basic needs.
I think it was Ginny that told me this advice in the very beginning. My parents also. And I just wanted to let you know that it really does help one's state of mind.
Also, make sure they are not working on your child too young. My ds's ortho is waiting to see how big his jaw will be at puberty before doing anything because he may grow into his teeth. His mouth is very small like mine and overcrowded also. He goes in free until he is 13 or 14 just for the dr to look in his mouth. The dr has been doing this since he was 10.
I feel for you. Sending good thoughts your way.
I didn't give you that advice, Kim, but it's good advice: But I do the best I can and try not to dwell on what *should* be.
I spoke to the dentist office, and they are willing to work with me, I explained the court ordered % for medical, and they said that I can pay my 24% and they will bill him for the 76%. I have to bring in a copy of the court ordered papers, they will make copies and bill him acording to the papers. I can't believe it. And then I guess if he doesn't pay then he has to deal with the dentist office,collections and the courts.
Kim, they are going to monitor his mouth too, for awhile before they put on braces. But...they have to possibly remove some teeth to make space.
My dentist saw the need for braces when I was 10, but I didn't get them til I was 14.
I am not divorced, and I have never been where you are. But I am a fighter, too, and I would get a lawyer and take him to court.
But that's me. 
Way to go Brooke that is an awesome dentist office to do that for you. I bet that someone in that office has dealt with a deadbeat before!!
Don't even bring it up to deadbeat again let him deal with it when the time comes and he gets the bill.
It's great that your dentist will do that for you, so you can avoid going back into court. The only thing I'd advise is talking to your divorce lawyer to make sure orthodontics fall under the agreement. Of course, every state and every custody agreement is different, but in mine I have to consult with my ex about all non-covered procedures except emergencies. As for proving his income that he's hiding, I'd be making a few well-placed calls to the IRS, if it were me.
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