Does death scare you?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2006:
Does death scare you?
I am really not such a morbid person, but sometimes when I think about dying, it just scares me. I do not mean an accidental death. I mean, just dying of old age. It scares me that one day I will no longer be on earth. I know each of us will die. I understand that. Sometimes I live so much in the moment, it is hard to think that it will not last forever.
I know this may sound strange, and I am not a depressed person at all LOL...
Last week my parents were in town.They will soon be 73 and 75. Of course, I know they won't live forever. I guess it really hit home when we were all talking last week. It was just a general conversation. My husband mentioned to my parents how much they are building up the area we live in. He said something to the effect "In 15 years, this or that will be torn down, and something else will be put up"...My dad's response was something like "well we probably wont ever see that"... (My grandfather died at the age of 95)
My parents are not morbid people either. I mean they are fairly active. They travel twice a year, they usually go on one cruise a year, and then visit us during their 2nd vacation. Although they are both retired and living in South Florida, they keep active.
I know death happens, but it just scares me at times.
Does anybody else ever think like this? Maybe, I really am morbid?? LOL
No, it doesn't scare me. I don't want to die soon because I think I have so much more living to do, but it's not death that scares me. I don't want to miss watching my children grow from right here. I find comfort in the fact that I have many people I love waiting for me when I do go ... but I still hope it's not for 50 years!
Scare me? Not really. Of course there's always a little anxiety about the unknown or 'trying something new' (WOW, what a new adventure it will be! lol). But like Marcia, I want to be around for several more years! 
Sometimes I start having these deep thoughts and yes it is scary! Life is strange when you really really think about it. I try not to too much - it goes by so fast.
Yep, I don't want to die until my son has grown and maybe at least has had one or two children.
But I also think about all the risks that kids take because they aren't aware of dangers, and I am really just hoping he makes it to adulthood safely!
I have stared death in the face more than once.
In Iraq my vehicle came under fire it was struck
more than 150 rounds, they all missed their target. Also a convoy I was in just passed out of range of an IED when it exploded. Shortly after I returned home from Iraq our home burned I went inside to get my youngest son and passed out, leaving me in a coma for nearly 2 weeks and a loss of 30% of my lung volume. After a lot of thought on death I have found that I am not afraid to die. However I am afraid of the death of a loved one. I cannot stand the thought of losing one of the many people who make me who and what I am. Each one of my family and friends are pieces of a machine in my soul, they have all made be better and stronger in some way. So I guess I am afraid of death just not my own.
I am with Daddyof3. When I think of death and I often do I think of losing others. I think of losing my dh or my dad most of the time. My dad has Hep C and diabetes and from working in the hospital I know how quckily that can go down hill. It scares me, but I am so much more scared of losing someone close.
My faith has me at peace with death. I don't fear not being on earth, because I think of heaven as the perfect place.
I do fear the act of dying some. I don't really want to go slowly and painfully. Watching two moms die of cancer makes me not really want to do that! However both of them were Christians and neither of them really feared death, even in pain they were very much at peace for 90% of the process.
As far as loved ones dying. UGH. My mom died at 52. It has been hard and tragic and has really changed me. Dad remarried, I got very close to her, she died 5 years later at age 57. This has drawn me so close to my dad. I can't imagine how him dying will effect me. It literally brings me to tears. My hubby and I were just having this conversation, I cannot discuss death without being very emotional. No ones death. I just terribly miss both my mom and beth. So I know that me dying will be really hard on my kids. However, my 10 year has a good friend B. B's mom died this past year. Horrible tragic, had a hysterectomy and two weeks later died from a blood clot. So my children and I have really discussed losing your mom and how hard that is. B is really doing pretty good. My son commented about he is doing what his mom would want him to do, moving on and being his normal self.
So I guess the reason for the long post is this. I feel like there are two ways to help conquer that fear some. First religion. You have to find that peaceful place for you and what you believe. But second communication about death will help ease some of that too.
I am terrified of death! Not because of the hereafter, but because I just really love life and don't want to leave it. I've always been afraid of dying, and it's worse since my dd was born. I DO NOT want to miss anything in her life. DH and I have so many future wonderful plans together, and I'm afraid of dying because I don't want to miss any of that either. There are just too many memories to be made and I really love my life. I don't think it could be any better and I don't want to give that up.
I also often think of loved ones dying...NEVER my DH or DD because that's an unbearable thought to me. I often think of my parents/DH's parents dying, or my oldest dog. I've had a complicated relationship with my mother especially, and I wonder how I will feel when her time on this Earth is through. Maybe that's why I think about it. I often think of my G'Ma passing as well, and that's just so hard to imagine. I think with death comes a whole new phase in life, so it's not only a loss but a life change when someone close to you dies.
I try NOT to think about it, but I still do. You're not the only one Jackie.
I only fear death because of the custody of my children. The death of family members scares me, but not as much as their suffering. My great-grandmother suffered so much long Alzheimers (sp?) that her death set her free.
I feel so much like Deanna! I have always feared death, but now the thoughts are worse, because Lara is in my life. I worry a lot about losing her, and have to keep my thoughts on other things!
I am close to my husband's family, and he lost both his father and grandmother last year. They were both feeling very ill and ready to pass on when the time came. My dh and I have had some talks about death, as of course the it's on our mind more. I don't think you are morbid at all, Jackie. I think we all think about it at times, but try not to, as Deanna stated.
I don't fear death itself, but I do fear leaving my children behind without me being there for them.
I truly believe that my family will all be together again as a family after we all die. It's just waiting for everyone to get to the "other side" that makes me worry.
I went through a terrible stage with death when my DD was born.I video taped everything just in case I died before she got to know me.It frightened me that she'd never get to know me or remember me.I'm much better now.I don't think about it as much as I did before.My DD is at a stage and questioning death and its hard trying to explain that we are all born to die.There's nothing easy about it.Its all just sad.
This thread got me to thinking - and I don't have an answer.
I spent the last two weeks of my brother's life with him when he died from pancreatic cancer. My dear father was my best friend most of my life - witty, great at word games, sympathetic, smart, and charming. It was extremely painful to watch him sink into multi-infarct dementia, and the man who was my father was gone two to three years before he died. I watched him fake it when family got together, making comments that sounded like he understood what was going on, but I also saw the fear and panic in his eyes as he realized that he didn't understand. His last week was in the hospital, with pneumonia, with the doctors balancing the need for pain meds against the pain meds further depressing his ability to breathe, and I winced at each rasping breath. My dear mother died in her sleep, at age 82.
So am I afraid of death - it depends on the kind of death. I am terrified of losing my mental faculties. I fear not being able to take care of my physical needs and being dependant on others. I know I don't want to spend the last part of my life in a nursing home and will do everything I can to avoid that. I hope and sometimes pray that when I die it will be like my mother - quietly, in my sleep, at the end of an active day doing things I want to do.
But I'm not ready to die. My dear granddaughter was born less than a month before my 67th birthday. I would love to be able to see her married, though I don't think that's likely. But I do want to be around long enough to have her get to an age where we can interact, where she will have memories of Grandma. And my youngest son, even though he's almost 39, is still not stabilized in his life, and I'd like to see him "safe" before I leave him.
I think what I fear is dying with things left undone. But I know that there will always be something left undone.
One of the things I learned, from my personal experiences with the deaths of loved ones, is to always say the things that I might later wish I had said. A couple of years ago a good friend died a couple of months after we'd had a quarrel, and we hadn't reconciled. I will always regret that, and that I didn't tell her how much her friendship had meant to me over the years. That's why I plan to visit my 88 year old aunt over the Labor Day holiday. She has a liver condition, and she's 88, and I would not want to be wishing I had spent time with her and told her about her part in my life - and find it is too late.
I kind of disagree, Sherri. I don't think we are "born to die". Yes, death is an inevitable part of life, but I think we are born to live, and to live the best kind of life we can live, so that when death comes it will come as the end of a good life.
Ginny said it perfectly for me.
I want to just die quietly in my sleep not in some way where I have to be "taken" care of or where I don't know where I am.
I always make sure those closest to me know how much I love them.
I do have to admit that it crosses my mind sometimes that I may lose someone close to me before it's my time, that doesn't scare me but it hurts to think about it and I do my best to live each moment I have with them to the fullest.
Ginny-You're totally right.We are all born to live but must someday die.I should have worded it differently.
I need to add to my post, because I was answering about the fear of my own death. What terrifies me is the death of another one of my kids. That has been an almost paralyzing fear of mine since Tanner died, and more so since Sonja died. It takes everything in me to let them go out and be normal kids sometimes. I am fanatical about picture take, I rarely throw out anything they make, etc. I am getting better, but it's taken a lot of work within myself. I've found that reading a lot of spiritual books has been a huge help.
This thread and the other one about religion both have me thinking.
Did anyone watch "Sweet November" with Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron? She played a free-spirited girl with a mission in life to transform jerks into decent men by having them live with her for exactly one month, while she is suffering from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and refusing treatment and abusing pain killers.
Anyway, Keanu Reeve's character (Nelson) falls in love with Charlize Theron's character (Sara) and asks her to marry him. She refuses and pushes him away as she gets sicker.
Her friend, the neighbor guy, told Nelson that the reason she wouldn't marry him was that she had to be in control. She controlled the terms of the live-in arrangement (set house rules.) She controlled the outcome of the arrangement (guy must leave at the end of the month.) She couldn't control her disease.
As a Christian, I find it sad that Sara did not embrace any kind of faith to get her through her illness. Most studies have revealed that religious patients have a higher and faster rate of recovery than non-religious patients. That is because in our lives GOD is in control and we have turned over our lives to HIM. (But you can't say that in Hollywood.)
So anyway, am I afraid of death.... I answered that earlier, but I didn't expect that it would keep at me. Like other ladies, my greatest fear is for my son. We are so close, and he is so reliant on me. No matter when or how I go, he will be devastated.
But as for myself, I am pretty confident that whatever happens, I will be going to meet the Lord and my grandparents. I look forward to that.
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