I'm so tired...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2006:
I'm so tired...
I'm posting this anonymous but some of you may figure out who I am, I really don't want my post to be able to be searched and my membername is one I use most places.
I'm a year out of a separation to my boyfriend (for all practical purposes we were married just not legally) of almost five years, he is the father of my now 5 year old son. Funny I always had those numbers to calculate how long we'd been together but my son keeps getting older and that five stopped.
In the past year I've went from a full time SAHM to a single mom who needs a job to make ends meet. I've went to school but because of health issues I'm doubting my whole line schooling. The fact is I'M SCARED and not sure how to go about getting over this.
I'm living with my mother and sister and hating it, not working to support myself or my son and hating it, but scared. I broke down in Walmart yesterday because I couldn't buy my son a $19.99 movie at Walmart he wanted.
I'm just tired... tired of being scared, tired of being alone, tired of it all really. I have friends who do their best to cheer me up but it's not enough. I'm to the point of not knowing what to do and I just keep getting further and further depressed.
Now I AM doing things to help myself because I trully WANT to be better for my son, I want to have our own place, I want to have a better life. Yesterday I went BACK to my phychiatrist and we re-evaluated my medication and changed it up a bit. AND I'm going to weekly counseling sessions, so I am trying but it's just not enough I guess.
I guess what I'm looking for is any BTDT, any advice on where to turn for insight on how to make things better, or maybe just an ear. I don't know...
Thanks for reading
I have watched a friend who has BTDT. She is a year away from her nursing degree. It has been tough, but it is the right choice for her.
However, guilt kills her. I sit her down and regularly say, before you were single you said no on the same things. Part of parenting is kids just don't always get what they want. Part of being a good parent is taking care of mom. If you need a reminder of how important that is, listen to all the yates coverage. Mom was not taken care of and the results were tragic. It is in everybody's best interest to put yourself first to get through this rough spot.
(((HUGS))) We all get stuck in life at times.This is you're time to re-evalutate yourself and what you want in life.It becomes a struggle when you're not where you want to be.You need to stop looking at the big picture and just start with some small goals.Accomplishing small goals will get you to you're bigger goal.You are not alone.We all go through life changes and reflect what we have/dont have.It becomes unhealthy when it takes too long to get motivated.As Kaye mentioned above you cannot buy you're son everything and you have to start thinking of yourself right now.You have us here to help talk and get you through this rough time.((HUGS))
{{{{{Anon}}}}} He doesn't NEED that $19.99 movie. He NEEDS YOU! And you're making sure he's getting that. When he's grown and moved out, he'll remember that you were a strong woman, that you did your very best for him and the two of you as a family and that he was loved. He won't remember he didn't get a movie (or toy, or candy, or whatever). You're doing a great job. Stay strong. All that that you want? It'll happen.  More hugs.
I have BTDT. I raised my son alone for 4 yrs before his father and I got back together. He was very rarely in the picture.
Could you go to a fast food place or a mall and look for a job. Places like that are always hiring. Or what about Wal-Mart they are alwyas hiring there too.
Also what about EX is he helping with support for your child. If not he should be. You are not the only parent make him help or take him to court. It is a battle but do it to show your son you love him and are willing to fight for what he deserves.
Spend time with your friends and let them try to cheer you up it will help. Every day is a new day. Also have you gone to the state for help. The state is there to help people when they truely need it. You need it. Use it. People take advantage of the system so much go to the state and ask for help you are a case when it is actually needed. Good luck.
I have BTDT. I was a single mom for 6+ years and barely made enough money to pay for rent and food. It was the hardest time in my life, but some of the best years with my DDs. I also have depression and I take meds for it.
You need to find things that your son loves to do with you that are free. I took my girls to the park and different places like that becasue going to the store with them was always the most depressing thing to do. I used this as a way for the girls to know that I was not just being mean for not buying them something so I would tell them I can't buy you that becasue I don't have enough money but how would you like to go to the park and play or whatever instead. I know sometimes you have to take him to the store, but it made my life easier when I could get away with going on the way home from work before I picked my DDs up. Things will get better and your DS will start to put 2 and 2 together soon enough and he will not get as upset because he can't have the video.
Cat is right. The only thing your DS NEEDS is YOU! Always remember that you have the greatest gift in life a child and that no matter what happens no one can take that away from you.
To this day my oldest DD will ask "Mom do you have enough money to buy this" before she just says she wants something, which I hate but then again it has made her understand money a lot better than some of her friends. And there are still times when I tell her no, but there are also times when I say yes but I am not buying it for you right now. Kids don't need things nearly as much as they need good Moms.
Hang in there things will get better. And find special ways for you and your DS to spend "special time" with each other. Try to stay away from stores like Wal-Mart because they are the most depressing places you can be with a kid when you don't have any extra money to spend on them.
(((HUGS)))) I hope that things turn around for you very quickly. If you ever want to talk my email is tarable2 at gmail dot com
Good Luck!!!
(((((Anon))))) Hang in there!
Many thanks to those who have responded... My ex DOES pay child support and help with things so I am lucky in that department that everything isn't a fight. He's actually been a great support but lately things have just been really overwhelming. If I tell him he needs something he goes right out and gets it and has never been late with our agreed child support. I DO know I am lucky in that respect. I guess it gets me because his life has gotten "better" since our split and mine has drastically changed for the worse. It's time I start making things better for myself but actually doing it and figuring out WHAT to do is the hard part. Especially when all you want to do is cry and sleep.
Many thanks to those who have responded.
Take it one day at a time and go from there. Again don't get to overwhelmed about things. Free training is out there for single parents. And if you go slow you will make it. Your son loves you adn you will do just fine you just have to figure out what it is you want to do set your mind to it and go for it. Good luck and if you ever want to talk drop me a note
tonya48180atyahoodotcom
I have BTDT. It was also the hardest time of my life. I look back on it now & can't figure out how in the world I made it.
But, I had family and friends who were there to offer support, words of kindness and I consistently forced myself to look on the bright side. When I didn't have the money to pay the rent or buy food or pay for child care it was the worst feeling. It was horrible to see things in stores that I wanted to get for my little girl, but couldn't. I learned that spending time with her was the most important.
When I look back at the last 8 years and where I am now. I'm amazed. It took the love of my little girl, hard work, sweat, tears, talking, friends, family and God to get me through it all. I am proud to say that I am a success story. I pulled myself up out of the pit I was in & I now have a loving husband, two kids, career, home, and the list goes on.
Hang in there. I had those times of absolute desperation, but I dug in and thank goodness for some strong people that never gave up on me.
Take it one second at a time. Start out small.
Hang in there! I'm here, too, if you ever want to talk....katieha_99atyahoodotcom
I'm sorry, i haven't been there so i have no advice.
I just wanted to tell you that i hope things start to get better for you soon. Remember that you are so lucky for having your son, just look at him and remember that.
Chin up! Smile, and take one day at a time! ((HUGS)))
{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this hun. I really hope that things get better for you.
I've been there done that too. Both the single parenting thing, and the depression. Yes, you are lucky that your ex pays child support. And one of the sad facts of life is that in a divorce (and for all practical reasons, it was a divorce), usually the non-custodial parent's life becomes better and the custodial parent's life (usually the mom) becomes worse. It would be nice if it were different, but it isn't.
As for the depression - which is what you are experiencing - you have every right to be depressed. You are living as a dependant in your mother's house, being a single parent, not having enough money to get treats for your son, and just generally overwhelmed. I was depressed too. There are a couple of things you can do - one, of course, is to try to get counseling to help you with the depression. Other than that, the only way I have been able to deal with depression is to just live one day at a time and do what I have to do today. Yesterday is done and I can't change it. I can plan for tomorrow, but I can't live it until it is here. But today I can get up and do the things I have to do. The doing - instead of surrendering and not doing - is important.
I don't know what your health issues are, but do you have any kind of health coverage? Can you address the health issues? As for the schooling, what kind of schooling and what kind of career? If you need a job to make ends meet, the more education and the more skills you can bring to the workplace, the higher your earnings will be.
As you can see, lots of women here have struggled with the whole single parent life, and we do know how hard it is. And many women here have struggled with depression - whether situational or from other causes - and know how hard that is. And, unhappily, depression (situational) often arises when you are living a stressful life. You can beat it, but you have to work at it. If you just give in and spend a lot of time worrying about your various problems and woes, the depression will spiral you down into even worse feelings - that's why you have to fight it.
And by all means, come here and vent. It is so very helpful to be able to talk to people who have BTDT, understand, and sympathize. That's one of the great things about this place.
Hang in there, honey. You can beat this - believe me.
(((((hugs))))) We're here for you sweetie. Vent anytime.
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