Ok I thought that I would try and give an update that should have come a long time ago. I use to post on here all the time and have received a lot of friendship and advice on this board. I have checked back and was sad that it was so less active. I too have been busy. My name is Julie and I am a married mother of 4. Most of my posts were when my husband was in bible college and we were associate pastors of a small church in Ky. We are now living in Oklahoma on 10 acres with our kids. We are no longer involved in the ministry and the Bachelors degree he got is no longer being put to use. We are completely different than we used to be. No longer naive and determined to change the world, but content to be us and live a simple happy life. This came about when in a position he had an affair that was scandalous at the time and forever turned our world upside down. I stuck around for 7 months and I guess had a delayed reaction. I filed for divorce, had my own affair, moved out, but never went through with it. We eventually came to realize we didn't want to live without each other or raise our children divorced. We have been together since May of this year (we were separated for a few months). We are doing good, but as you could expect have issues. Overall though we now have a wonderful love and relationship and are genuinely happy and being who we are instead of who we "should" be. Our kids ages are 8,6,5,and 3. Hoefully a few others will post something similar and we can start getting to know each other again.

By Enchens on Thursday, October 29, 2009 - 01:37 am:

Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry you had such an obstacle to deal with. Glad things are getting better for you and your family.

I am a married mommy with two children. My dh works long hours so I feel like I'm a single mom sometimes. His work hours are an issue to me, but I have to remind myself that those long hours make it so I can be a SAHM. We have two boys, ages 6 and 4. We would have had one due in June 2010, but as of recently that it no longer the case. I also deal with depression, psoriasis, and weight control. I like to dance, especially belly dance, and I check in on this board once a day. I post maybe once or twice a week. I post on Wednesdays on the Fitness thread.

Hope to see you around.

By Cat on Thursday, October 29, 2009 - 08:40 am:

Hugs, Juli. Sounds like you went through some tough stuff. I'm glad you're working it out. How do you like OK? I've driven through it a couple times. I have to say it's better than driving through Kansas! lol Glad to see you here.

By Tayjar on Friday, October 30, 2009 - 11:19 am:

Hi, Juli. I remember you from years past. I'm glad you and DH are working things out. I don't post here much but I do check in daily.

By Northcountrymom on Monday, November 2, 2009 - 04:44 pm:

Hi Juli,

I haven't posted in a while so its no accident I felt compelled to check out whats happening at MomsView. So glad you posted.

You're not alone in the world in terms of bible college and ideals meets real world marriage challenges and temptations. As a bible school grad my husband and I have listened to many a couple seeking help to put it back together following similar struggles to your own. I don't know if you know Pete and Geri Scazzero. They wrote the Emotionally Healthy Church and the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. They really help Christians get grounded on a solid emotional foundation following crushing emotional crisis and they do a lot of marriage work. They do marriage workshops for couples in ministry who have experienced such trauma in their relationships.

Their Blog:
http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/blog/

His Book:
http://www.christianbook.com/emotionally-healthy-spirituality-unleash-revolution-christ/peter-scazzero/9781591454526/pd/454522

SA and S-Anon are also great resources for couples where infidelity has occurred or where acting out continues to affect one or both parties. Some areas even have joint couples meetings:

For family members of someone who has acted out sexually:

http://www.sanon.org/meetings.htm

For person themselves:

http://www.sa.org/top/

Couples meetings:

google s-anon recovering couples group in your area

also helpful:
http://www.recovering-couples.org/

Couples Literature:
http://sanon.org/cgi-bin/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=SL&Product_Code=RA-2&Category_Code=SL

Hope some of this is useful. Feel free to e-mail me.

Linda