Going through ideals here...TIA

By Breann on Friday, November 7, 2008 - 08:53 pm:

To not hold a grudge anymore for something that was done to you.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with. I have such a hard time of letting things go.

By Reds9298 on Friday, November 7, 2008 - 10:34 pm:

Ditto Breann plus I think it means that you feel a peace about forgiving the person and you don't think about it anymore. I really think that if you continue to think about it, it probably hasn't been forgiven.

Having said that, Breann I am the exact same way. Forgiveness is very hard for me. I think I have forgiven someone and then I think about it over and over again and can't let it go. Then I realize that forgiveness really hasn't taken place.

By Annie2 on Friday, November 7, 2008 - 10:42 pm:

Can you let things go but not forgive?
I've been having some inner peace about things lately, which I am proud of, but to forgive to me seems a bit much.
TIA

By Jewlz on Friday, November 7, 2008 - 11:17 pm:

forgive means "I "have accepted what was done ..to me or others involving me... and that the person has showed that they have trully meant that they are sorry for what they did ... and it wont be happening again ... wit this being said its hard for me forgive and forget specially if its a very heart wrenching situation. sometimes I find tho letting go of the burden and seperating myself from responsibilty of it allows me to move on and let go ... when I decide that I cant control or make someone understand how bad they hurt me, or make the situation right ... if u know what i mean ... then I just move on ... sometimes write a letter to them tho never mailed and let it all out and then at the bottom tell them i forgive them and seal it in an envelope .... I hope i got my point across im dead tired and been up all day driving ... jewlz

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, November 8, 2008 - 06:28 am:

Not sure about the forgetting part, but yes, the not holding a grudge part - in other words, moving on.

I'm not even sure about the forgiving part, because there are some things I could never forgive but I have moved beyond them and they don't affect my life or emotions UNLESS I run into a situation where I see the same things starting to happen.

Moving on is important. It's that old thing about not giving someone rent free room in your head. The saying I found for Scott that really made sense to him is "Hating someone is like taking cyanide and expecting the other person to die." In other words, hating is bad for YOU - so if you can move on and have moved on and found some inner peace, I'd say you've come as close to forgiveness as I can define it.

By Dana on Saturday, November 8, 2008 - 08:43 am:

Sometimes, forgiving is forgetting. I can recall being hurt but can't really remember what from.....and I'm not staying away from those people. I still have happy relationships.

Sometimes, there are actions that have hurt me deeply that with time, and talking with the person/people involved, I have been able to truely forgive. And on the "big ones" I haven't forgotten. But I can smile when I see where we are now...forgiven.

I don't know that I forgive as easily when I am not in conversation with the person involved. I think I can "blow it off" or "roll off my back" in those situations, but if I am brought back to the thoughts, I can't say that forgiveness has occured.

If a drunk driver killed a loved one, or random act of murder. I don't know that forgiveness would come as easily. I admire those who I have seen on the news who forgive the driver or killer. Forgiveness would come with effort, or straight from God alone. I don't know if I could do it.

Not sure that I answered your question. I guess, the word I would use would be "acceptance."

By Vicki on Saturday, November 8, 2008 - 08:55 am:

I agree with Dana that I am more of an 'acceptance" girl. I don't know if I have ever really forgiven anyone for something they may have done to me. I know that I haven't forgotten it... but I have come to accept all of it and have decided not to let it drag me down.

By Amecmom on Saturday, November 8, 2008 - 11:23 am:

To truly forgive, you have no more anger or pain in your heart when you think of the person or the deed.
It is hard. I think Dana really said it well.
Ame

By Rayelle on Saturday, November 8, 2008 - 12:57 pm:

I agree with Vicki about acceptance. I think it depends on what it is. I can forgive and forget things that might make me mad or upset but I don't feel that way forever. Some things people do affect everything about you, who you are as a person and becomes part of your story. To me that is more of a case of acceptance. You can move on, you don't feel hate or rage, but you can't forget because it is just too big of a deal and possibly altered the course of your life. In my case, I mean all the crap I dealt with with my mother growing up. She is truly sorry so I would say I have forgiven. But I can't forget because it's a deeply entwined part of my life story ykwim?