We went yesterday to her 3D ultrasound, the doctor said she is about 85% sure it's a girl. I am beyond thrilled.

There were a few things I realized yesterday though:

My sister has battled anorexia for years, whether she wants to admit it or not. It seems like she goes back and forth with her weight, like she goes in and out of starving herself. I think this pregnancy is bringing it back. She is 18 weeks along and has not gained weight, but has lost 5 pounds. She did not have bad morning sickness so I don't think that would trigger it. Her doctor has suspicions on her last appointment that she might have toxemia, and I know that could be contributed to her malnutrition. Her doctor has even shown concern and has sent her to a nutritionist. Last night we went out to dinner to a sushi/japanese restaurant. She didn't even order anything off the menu. She ate 3 avocado rolls and a bite of a gyoza. That was all she had from lunch time till the end of the night.

Another issue she has is her living arrangement and the babys father. She blames her problem eating on being constantly stressed out at home. She feels nothing for this guy but is now "stuck" with nowhere to go and threats from this guy to take the baby if she leaves. His family (and he himself) have money and family in law enforcement so she feels he has the upper hand. I have offered her plenty of times to come to my house to get away and relax but I know her time here will be spent on the phone arguing with her boyfriend.

I left last night after spending all day together feeling so sad. I still don't think she's excited about this baby (and I feel bad that she's not experiencing that joy most people feel, even through an unplanned pregnancy), the baby is surely at risk and this pregnancy is going to be hard for her and the baby (especially since she's still in denial about her disorder), and her and her boyfriend are fighting or playing the silent treatment with each other 80% of the time.

I wish I could do something. I told her if it came down to it she could always stay with me until she could get on her feet. But that's only half the battle. It's bad enough to battle her mental issues along with dealing with a boyfriend threatening to take the child. She's not in a situation to put up a fight like that.

I feel so helpless.

By Annie2 on Sunday, October 26, 2008 - 12:27 pm:

You are not helpless. Be supportive. You recognize that she may have an an eating disorder but you can not force her to eat.
I am a stress-non eater, maybe like your sister. Some people eat more under stress, some people do not.
I have always been on the thin side but since going through this stupid divorce I have lost about 15 lbs. Not good for my frame but somedays, some meals are too hard for me to swallow.
I love to cook but over the past year the smells of food make me nauseaus (sp). I have had my kids eat frozen tv dinners more than I want to admit. I am now only getting back into nightly dinners, making lunches, etc. The smell of tuna or peanut butter made me feel sick to my stomache in the am.
Going to restaurants can be stressful for me. I may be hungry, eat what I can. If I don't finish my plate, people/relatives start to comment. Making me feel worse.
There is a double standard to body types and comments. Some friends will say to me "oh, you are so thin" (like I don't know)...but they would never go up to a heavier friend and say "oh, you've gained so much weight".
I also have IBS. So at the fair Fri I would have loved to eat a greasy slice of pizza but I knew that I would have troubles afterwards. TMI, I know.
Encourage your sister to drink whole milk, milkshakes, Ensure, take her vitamins, a sugary slushie, Splash juice.
Find the foods that she can tolerate and eat them with her, without pressure.
I don't know if this will help you or not but just some info that I have to give you.
Hang in there with her. You are a great sister.

By Mrs_B on Sunday, October 26, 2008 - 08:30 pm:

Thank you Annie. I just talked to my sister and she says that she has come to terms with the weight gain issue but she is going through what you are, she a stress non eater. I also think along with her pregnancy emotions, her lifestyle has drug her into a form of depression. She has an appt on Tuesday so I told her to talk to her doctor about it and after her appt if she wants me to pick her up to stay here and clear her mind, she's more than welcome to do so. I know it won't fix her long term problems but if I can help with her short term problems and get her to eat again, i'll be happy with that. Baby steps.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, October 27, 2008 - 10:20 am:

Sounds like a situation there. Hope your sister can get things sorted out and find the "joy" in her pregnancy. ((((HUGS)))) Annie is right, you can only do what you can do, sadly the rest is up to her..