Having a hard time today...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2008:
Having a hard time today...
...just need to whine a bit, I guess. 
I am going through a D and it sux! I am really p***** my husb. couldn't keep his thing in his pants. This has gone on several times through the years, but it went on nonstop for the last two yrs. It is upsetting that I didn't choose a better man to marry. I am angry I am having to get tested for STD's because he is an idiot and didn't even protect himself. I am so disappointed for my son, that this is the man he has to call his Father. I feel really sad to have to start my life over at my age (mid 30's)...
I cry at work. I cry driving down the road. I am worried about how I will pay for things while I finish my education. I was a sahm for years and only work part time now, while attending school full time. It is so hard to keep on top of it all, plus keep the house and yard up. something breaks every week. I am always fighting a deadline on a paper or homework, etc... I try to keep the kids life normal, so they do an activity twice per week. So I have to get them to that. Plus anywhere else they need. It makes me really bitter and angry that the Dad in this mess is living far away, partying, traveling, and sleeping with other people in my new king size bed. He is the most selfish pc of crap EVER. I feel like the anger I feel is just building and building right now and I am going to explode. lol
Last winter and spring when the kids were sick.. i had to use my vacation time to stay home with them. HE complained about having to use the last of his vacation time to come home and see his child last month!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaahhhhhh 
Anyway, I am done whining. I have to get back to my homework. Thanks for listening.
I'm so sorry and I hope things get better for you very soon.
If you lived nearby I would bring over some vodka for us.
Hey girl, we are here for you. YOU know I know what you are going through. CYE.
Why is it that men can walk away and moms have the integrity to stay with the kids to make their life stable/secure in a house, community, activities that they enjoy, thrive in and make them better human beings with self-esteem.
All the while, the husbands can cry poor, reach a settlement and still walk away with their new lives and not pay.
Whine all you want...now back to your homework and I'm back to my resume to fill in the 18 year gap I have from being a sahm.
I feel for you dear, you have alot to whine about, so Whine away!!! ((((Hugs))))
I am so sorry. As Annie says, we are here for you!!!! I've BTDT too, been through the STD testing because my X didn't remember he was supposed to stop dating once he got married. Some men are such narcissists. It really is a cra**y feeling when you have to be the only responsible adult, carrying the whole load, and he's off doing his own thing.
Just remember that YOU are the better person. YOU are doing the right thing. YOU are the one your kids will look up to. Whatever their ages are now, they won't be young forever, and they will be able to put 2+2 together, and they will see for themselves, and respect YOU, not him.
Vent away - that is just one of the things we are all here for!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
((((((BIG Time HUGS))))))
Sending you hugs and prayers of getting through it all. One day at a time, it does get better.
((hugs))
The thing that got me through those tough days was taking a deep breaths and remembering that I can only do so much. And trust me no matter how old you kids are they will get to the point where they know you were always the one out for their best interests.
Okay, I'm going to start what I call "Cathy's Booty-Kickin' Business". I have way too many friends dealing with dh's (and d is certainly not "dear"--change it and add a "head" in there!) that are thinking with the wrong head. I have a friend here that's lost 30lbs in the past 2 months because she's so stressed she can't eat BECAUSE of her dh's stupidity. You know I'm here for ya. Lots and lots of hugs, and if ya need me to kick some butt, let me know.
{{{BIG HUGS}}}
{{{{HUGS}}}}
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Just remember, you are the better person, and your kids know it!!!
Annie said something several months ago that I think is worth thinking about. She noted that while she couldn't control what her ex does or says, she can control how she reacts to it and by doing that start taking control of her life. You are much earlier in the process, I suspect, but Annie's comment is valid.
I do urge you to seek some counseling to help you through this difficult time. Everything is raw and hurts like crazy - and at the same time your life is turned upsidedown, and he seems to not be suffering a bit (whoever said life is not fair was accurate, but no one has ever satisfactorily explained why to me). Counseling may help you sort out your anger and find some ways to channel it.
I read something a few years ago and passed it on to a son who was having anger problems. "Hating someone is like eating cyanide and hoping the other person dies." Hate and keeping your anger high will only hurt you, Anon.
Oh, and you are not whining. You are venting - which is a good thing to do with your anger, rather than keep it in. Please, vent away. You have every right, and we can handle it.
It breaks my heart to hear what you are going through and I can't even begin to imagine the heartache, fear and yes anger - rightfully so - that you are feeling now. I will lift up a prayer for you and your kids that you will weather this storm and come out stronger and better for having gone through it. Take a deep breath and take it one minute at a time... {{{{HUGS}}}}
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