Today is my Birthday and I hate my life
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2008:
Today is my Birthday and I hate my life
Well lets see today is my birthday and I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. My DH (not dear) never remembers this or mothers day I get nothing. I am so tired of feeling like crap because I never get anything not a card nothing. Every year I cry about it and the net year it is the same thing. His birthday and fathers day is always remembered from me and the kids. I am tired of crying about being forgotten. I am tired of feeling neglected.
He called me a little bit ago and said well we are going to dinner tonight I said yeah because I asked to go out. Because I called the sitter and because I wanted too. Not because he even had a notion to suggest it. I am so tired of feeling like this it just sucks.
That does suck. ((((HUGS))))) Happy Birthday!
Then stop feeling like this. Stop feeling like a victim. Stop waiting for him to make you happy. If you want your birthday remembered, make sure it's remembered. Tell him, "Tomorrow is my birthday. I will not be cooking. If you don't care to take me out for dinner, be prepared to watch the kids. I'll be out with a friend who would like to celebrate with me". If you want a gift say, "I'd really love to have a ____ for my birthday". Say it loud and often. If he ignores you, buy it for yourself. You alone are responsible for your happiness. It would be lovely if most men were as romantically minded as we would like. Many aren't. If your man isn't romantic and thoughtful, you can either train him to be take care of those needs yourself or find someone who is.
I know this sounds harsh, but I've been married to the same guy for 41 years now, and I'm giving you the benefit of some very hard earned experience.
Happy Birthday. I agree with much of what Bea says. Don't feel sorry for yourself, DO something for yourself. I know it hurts when the one person you *think* should do something special to acknowledge you doesn't - but as you said, this is nothing new. So really, you shouldn't expect anything different from him. Buy yourself that special something you want. Make your OWN plans. And honestly - if it were me and my DH totally didn't acknowledge me on *my* day - I'd stop doing it for him as well.
We are not a couple who regularly gives each other gifts for birthdays/anniversaries/Christmas/Mothers or Fathers Day - we give cards, we go out to dinner, or we plan vacations or larger *joint gifts* (a new camera or TV or furniture or something) for ourselves throughout the year. It works for us that way; we are happy with it. But we do remember to at least say *Happy Birthday* to each other and give cards.
I learned years ago when married to my X, not to count on someone else for my happiness. As Bea said, you are responsible for your own happiness - so go out and buy yourself a gift, if that is what you want.
It IS a shame that he doesn't take it upon himself to get you something for the kids to acknowledge you, but since you say this never happens, then you really shouldn't expect it. Sad, but true.
So, Happy Birthday, Anon - I hope you will take control of your own happiness and start making yourself a priority. And I hope you enjoy your dinner tonight. 
Happy Birthday, Anon!!!
I know you don't feel like celebrating, but don't let someone else ruin your day. Ditto Bea and Karen! Let me tell you what I did once. Dh either forgot or chose not to recognize mother's day one year. The next day I went to the store and bought myself a really nice, HUGE set of Corell ware that I'd had my eye on. When dh got home from work that afternoon he said, "What's this?" I said, "That's my mother's day gift from you and the boys. Thank you! That was so thoughtful!" He never forgot again (he also at the time wouldn't have spent that much money on a gift for me--we didn't have a lot of extra!).
So have a GREAT birthday and enjoy your dinner, even if you had to plan it yourself. If we're not good to ourselves, how can we expect others to be good to us? Hugs.
Happy Birthday, anon! You have some great advice above. Enjoy your dinner.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!! I hope you took the advice above and gave yourself a good day
I'm sorry you feel down. We don't really do birthday presents either. I might buy him a new shirt. He'll probably take me out to dinner. He hates spending money on cards. I really don't sweat it. I know he loves me and he pays attention to me in other ways.
Right around our anniversary one year, Gary helped set up a computer for a friend. For his "pay", she came and watched the girls and paid for us to go out to eat at our favorite Italian restaurant. We got to go that night and not worry how much anything cost. (She knows the owner and had arranged it ahead of time.) So, we got a nice night out on the town. I have no idea how much we spent, but I know that if my family of 4 goes there, we can easily blow $80-$100. (yeah, I know it's expensive, but the food is that good!) It ended up being a nice anniversary dinner.
Hope your day turned out better then it started. (((HUGS)))
I agree with the ladies above.. You and you alone are responsible for your happiness. I could explain further but I won't. I just want you to know that you are not alone, I hear too many other women complaining about the very same issue..
My DH and I do not and have never exchanged gifts.. After 37 years of listening to my mother compare her worth to what gift she received on her "special" days, I decided I wouldn't make gift receiving a priority in my life. I am the person that if I want something I buy it, if I have the money, if not I save for it, but I don't wait for some special occasion to expect someone to give it to me... My DH shows me his love every day, in his ways.. We are both physical people, thank God, so many of our needs/wants match. If I want a set of pans, a new watch, a ring, necklace, etc, I will go get it myself. If he wants a new fishing pole, a tool, a pair of jeans, we don't wait for a special day to get them.
Like I said, I hope the rest of your day turns out better. 
I can relate to the hurt.
I HOPE you had a great dinner!!!!!!Happy belated Birthday!!
Hope you had a Happy Birthday Anon... don't let it get you down, but as said above I wouldn't remember his birthday either.
I just buy my own. My DH is too cheap to spend money on anyone but himself. He is as selfish as his dad is. I even do the maintenance on my car because her sure as heck won't.
When I was 5 months pregnant with DD, his entire family went out for breakfast for Mother's Day. All of the women were telling what they got for MD from their spouses and kids. When it was my turn, I said I didn't know what DH had gotten me. DH looked around and in all seriousness said "I didn't get her anything. She's not a real mom yet." The entire restaurant got quiet and looked at him in astonishment. His mom was stunned. I got up and just walked to the truck so no one would see me crying. to this day, he still doesn't get what he did wrong. His mom always makes sure to get me flowers now because she knows her son is an butthead.
I guess I treat my kids and my dh like i treated my parents when I was a kid. I list what I want in an email to all of them about a month before my birthday/mothers day. I make sure to have a range of priced things so they know that I don't expect the most expensive. My DH is still having a hard time getting used to mother's day so a lot of times I take the girls shopping and buy what they want me to have.
I also go about every 2 or 3 months and buy myself flowers because I love flowers and my DH says "I never know what kind of flowers to guy you" so I tell him anything but roses and carnations... I just don't really like those flowers. In fact I think today at lunch I will go to the store and buy myself some flowers because I want them and that sounds nice.
First of all Happy Birthday Baby!
I understand how you feel, really. I just go out and buy my own gifts now and I always thank DH for the lovely things. I went to a jewlery party and bought myself a beautiful necklace and earrings a few days before Mother's Day came home and sincerely thanked DH for one of the best Mother's Day gifts I had received.
I'm happy I get what I want and I don't have to feel sorry that no one thought of me. I thought of ME!
After doing this for awhile he had finally stepped up and starting getting me gifts and thinking of me on special occassions.
Go out with your girlfriends/sister/mother etc and celebrate, your life is an incredible gift not to be taken for granted by anyone!
Cheers!
Happy Birthday!!
{{{{{HUGS}}}} Ditto everyone else. Just because your dh doesn't want to celebrate Mother's Day, your birthday, etc, doesn't mean that you don't have too!!!! Make your own plans, and buy yourself something nice. Go out with your family, friends, etc. I am sure they would love to celebrate with you!
I didn't expand yesterday since I was in my own life sucks mood yesterday. My birthday was a few weeks ago. There was nothing to make the actual day special. Dh had done some nice things for me a few days ahead of time but it did feel weird that the day that used to mean "me me me" just doesn't really work like that anymore even though it hasn't for a long time. I was wondering if that might be part of the disappointment for you.
Yes Rayelle that was exactly what is was. I would just love to have a day of me.
And Bea I normally don't rely on others to make me happy I was just already having a bad day and this just didn't help me. I am better today and we went to dinner and he told me he was sorry and that he really didn't realize how upset I was until I broke down and cried and got angry with him. So we will see maybe things will be better.
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