My sister is getting married next May and the preparation is underway. The groom's mom is very involved with the planning but she, my sister and my mom have very different ideas on aspects of the reception. The big difference of opinion right now is about the food. Basically, the groom and his mother think that the place settings should be the priority of the tables, ie: nice china, crystal and silver and the food won't matter since the table will look so good. My mom and sister think that you can serve great, high-quality food but save on the settings if people are wowed by the food. Personally, since the groom's family is contributing zero financially, I don't think they should get a say but the groom is VERY involved in the planning.

So my curiosity is making me ask:

Would you prefer McDonalds on fine china or filet mignon on paper plates, to quote the groom's mother?

By Tarable on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 06:30 pm:

I would personally rather have good food on paper plates.

I would think maybe they should compromise and get somewhere in the middle for both.. maybe get regular dishes (maybe like the glass ones) and decent flatware, you can really dress up a table with the center piece and other things rather than the dishes. Then not have filet mignon but instead chicken or something not so expensive.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 06:42 pm:

Good food, definitely. And, since the bride's family is paying, by all the rules they get to decide. It's one thing for the groom to be involved in the planning - he is, after all, one of the key persons in the wedding. But his parents - not unless they are making at least a 50% financial contribution to the costs. The groom's family is often in charge of the rehearsal dinner, and they can do what they want with that.

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 07:37 pm:

Ditto Ginny.

By Colette on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 07:52 pm:

ditto ginny, but to avoid problems, let the bride and groom work it out and tell their mother's what they decide.

By Imamommyx4 on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 08:46 pm:

Is there no happy medium say O'Charley's on glass plates?

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 11:08 pm:

I would want decent food and would be less concerned about the plates.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 11:20 pm:

Is your family planning to use a caterer? Usually either the place where the reception is held or the caterer provides the table service. And I can practically promise you that whatever a caterer or a hotel/club/hall/church provides in the line of table service is going to be durable. They don't want plates that will break easily or fancy tableware that is hard to get and keep clean. I mean, I guess, that unless the groom's mother expects your family to go out and actually buy the table service (which would be totally unreasonable, of course), generally you use what is provided by either the caterer or the facility. Of course, if the groom's family wants fancy table service, let them buy it, and your family can take care of the food.

(I've never heard people come away from a fancy dinner singing the praises of the table service. The centerpiece, the flowers, yes. But usually what they talk about is the food, and the better the food the happier they are and the more they praise it. Of course, you don't want to use paper plates for a sit-down wedding reception dinner - or even plastic plates. But other than that, as long as they are clean, not chipped, and match, most people don't notice what they are eating off of - they notice what they eat.)

By Kaye on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 11:32 pm:

good food vote here too! I would do beautiful centerpieces, no one looks at the plates.

I believe it is about the couple, they need to figure out what they want. An easy idea, we are tasting foods for our menu, this is what we are having. do you mil to be want to pick out center pieces?

By My2girlygirls on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 09:37 am:

I say good food too. No one will remember what kind of plates but the food will make a lasting impression.

By Bellajoe on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 10:39 am:

Good Food indeed!

When planning my reception, i don't remember even choosing plates!! We chose the delicious food and got whatever plates the reception hall had.

We spent most of our money on the food. We skimped on the center pieces. I wish the tables at my wedding were prettier, but I'm so glad that the food was good. It was 10 years ago and people still tell me how good the food at my wedding was, and how fun our wedding was

I've never heard someone say "wow, the plates at patti's wedding were so pretty!" or "the tables at patti's wedding were so boring" (which they sort of were)

By Dawnk777 on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 11:25 am:

My 7yo cousins ate so much at my wedding, that they didn't have room for wedding cake! I'm sure we just had plain white plates. Someone had grabbed the pew bows, from the church and laid them on the tables. It was so pretty.

By Angellew on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 12:15 pm:

Definitely food!!! People don't remember what the plates looked like, but they will sure remember if they had a bad meal! Ask anyone! They ALL remember at least one wedding where the food was so bad, everyone went for pizza on the way home! I know I do... and I can't tell you what one plate looked like at any wedding I ever went to!

Centerpieces or flowers, yes. Plates, never!

By Enchens on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 02:06 pm:

I just went to a wedding this weekend. I remember the centerpieces, the food displays, and the food. I could not tell you what the plates looked like if my life depended on it. I CAN tell you about this yummy salad they had that I'd like to duplicate.

HTH

By Conni on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 02:57 pm:

I am always more impressed by presentation of the food and TASTE of food. I don't care what the plates look like.


Sounds like a lovely mil...ugh

By Mrsheidi on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 05:37 pm:

Wow, what a rude mother in law...yikes. Rule of thumb, whoever pays should just go ahead and not bother with the opinions of others.

If it's brought up again, I'd ask how they're doing with all the other plans they are making (that THEY are paying for.)

Besides, I've never heard of deciding on china vs. food.

Most people remember the food...so that would be my vote too. To "show" off china seems selfish to me...to "show" off food seems the right thing to do.

By Wandilu on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 06:31 pm:

Or...since the MIL wants beautiful china, tell her thats a great idea for her to contribute to the dinner...and then you can still have wonderful food ,and she can have the beautiful china. For what its worth...I think that the idea of the brides family footing the whole wedding bill is very unfair. I know that it goes way back, and has some kind of meaning...but in the real world, weddings are/can be VERY expensive.So, why shouldn't the grooms family share in the cost? I mean, the real cost, not just the rehearsal dinner ?

By Dawnk777 on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 10:26 pm:

I went to a wedding a week ago. The plates were large and white! LOL! The food we put on them was YUMMY!

Green Salad
Veggies and dip
Fruit salad
Cole Slaw
Pasta Salad
Stuffing
Corn
Rice Pilaf
Mashed potatoes and gravy
Small hunks of fish with paprika (along with tartar sauce and lemon wedges),
Chicken Cordon Bleu
Beef Tips and gravy.

We felt rather pampered. Plus, later in the evening, they put sandwich fixings, taco dip and chips and Smoked Salmon! Yummmy!

Oh yeah, open bar, too! I only had one drink and some champagne with dinner.