abusive is really too strong of a word, but he's unpredictable and a little scary.

First of all, my DH doesn't like to tell me everything that's bothering him. Like all men, he holds things in. I know when he's stressed because coming home and having a glass of wine turns into a glass of wine and a couple vodka and sodas! He's far from a drunk, but that's when I know something is up with him. It's after he falls asleep when the trouble starts. He'll get up and walk around (usually bumping into things and waking me up). He's gone into the bathroom and turned on the shower (in the dark). Once, he opened the doors to our bedroom deck and peed!! Thank God our neighbors are far enough away in the back that no one could have caught him, but when I asked him what he was doing he said "What the h*ll do you think, b*tch? I'm going to the bathroom!!" This is NOT the way my DH talks. He NEVER uses those words. But, if I try to wrangle him when he's sleepwalking, he calls me some nasty things! We had a very long talk once after one of his nightly walks took him into my DD's room. He pulled out her sock drawer and was throwing her socks around the room!! And last night, he got up, shut the tv, went to the bathroom, came back and turned the tv back on! When he tried to get back in bed, he fell off the bed and banged his head! When I asked if he was alright, he started yelling and tearing all the linens off me and the bed and throwing them around the room. I will admit, last night didn't sit well with me and I fought back with him even though I knew he was sleeping. Then just took my stuff and slept on the couch.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be mad, but in the light of day, everything is always better and he's back to normal. We haven't had a chance to talk about last night yet, but I left the room the way he left it, so he could see it when he woke up.

I'm at my wits end. I feel like every time we move past one crisis that gets him tense, something else comes up. That's what life it, one tension after another. Is this what I have to put up with forever?

By Sunny on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 03:58 pm:

Is this new behavior? Or, has he always had sleep issues? I would have a talk with your DH, express my concerns and ask him to schedule an appointment with his doctor. If possible, I'd go with him and talk to the doctor myself. I'm wondering if a sleep study might be in order.

I definitely would not let it go. I can read the resentment building in your post already. I think a lot of men, especially married men, tend to ignore issues or think they can handle them on their own. He may not realize just how bad it is and that's where you really need to step in and let him know. It may take some time; some men are more thick-headed than others! I speak from experience.

Good luck!

By Tarable on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 04:09 pm:

I totally agree with Sunny. That can be VERY scary and I would not think it is something you should have to deal with forever.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 04:58 pm:

I don't have any advice, but I can tell you that I am a sleepwalker. If you wake me up or even talk to me when I do it, I become VERY angry. It is very weird and thank god I have never done anything like your dh, but my dh knows not to talk to me if I start walking around making no sense in the middle of the night.

By Crystal915 on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 06:06 pm:

He should see the doctor, and probably have a sleep study done. They may be able to medicate him to help with the issue. ((((Anon)))) Good luck to you.

By Tink on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 06:16 pm:

I talk in my sleep most nights and I can be very emotional, not angry but weepy and argumentative during my sleep. I hope he'll see a doctor. I know that there are things that can be done and I think this situation calls for some action. {{{Hugs}}}

By Conni on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 07:59 pm:

The first thing that came to my mind is to video him. Let him watch it for himself. Maybe that will help him understand how scary/upsetting it can be for you.

{{{Hugs}}}

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 08:44 pm:

I'd definitely make him see a dr. about this. Especially when you mentioned him going into your dd's room. This could be very frightening to her if she witnessed it. It could get worse, too.

By Marcia on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 11:30 pm:

I agree with Conni. I would think that seeing a video of himself would help him to realize what he's doing, and might get him to go to the doctor right away.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 12:19 am:

I would do a video, or at least a sound recording of what he is doing, so he can see/hear it himself. He needs to see a doctor, sleep walking can be dangerous. Another issue is he isn't getting proper rest if his body is functioning, which means he will be more stressed from lack of proper sleep, which will trigger more sleep walking. Vicious cycle.. See if you can get him to see a doctor..

By the way, I would have slept on the couch and I would have left him the mess too..

By Bellajoe on Thursday, August 28, 2008 - 08:32 am:

Has this happened for a long time? Or is it new? I ask because I know someone who started some strange behavior in their sleep, although this person thought they saw a giant spider in their bed and tried to kill it with a pillow....the "spider" was his wife. Poor thing. It ended up that this behavior was because of a new medication he was taking. Is your hubby on some sort of new meds. that would contribute to him acting this way?

I too, would video him for sure! and I would have left him the mess also!

By Mara on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 08:26 am:

My dh is totally different person while sleeping. If I try to wake him for any reason he cusses me and is very rude, this is NOT my dh's regular behavior. I will tell him later about it and he will have no idea what I'm talking about. My dh has always been this way. This first time was while dating. He had feel asleep on our couch and I woke him to go home and he said some pretty bad things to me, I cried all night thinking that for some reason he was mad at me, the next morning he felt so so bad, and had no memory of the incident. He has never been violent though, just verbal.

By Anonymous on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 09:04 am:

I think y'all are right. I'm probably making matters worse by engaging him while he's sleeping. I'm asking him questions, or telling him to stop. Maybe next time (hopefully there wont be one, but...), I'll just let him go and if he goes near my DDs room or near the front door, I'll just lead him back to the bedroom. Worth a try.

We did talk the next morning and he had very little recollection of what happened. He thought he had a dream of throwing snow (the bed linens) and some hitting him with snowballs (I was hitting him). He has been under a lot of stress. His current job is horrible and they treat him terrible, so he's been looking for something else. But, y'all know what that's like! We're just going to keep talking about it and hopefully the dust will settle. I could see this one really bothered him, so we are going to bring it up at his next doctor's appoitment.

Thanks for listening ladies! Sometimes just "saying" things out loud make them a little better!

By Yjja123 on Friday, August 29, 2008 - 01:41 pm:

I would make an appointment now. He will likely be given a sleep study. This should be taken seriously.
((((((hugs))))))