Would you ????
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2008:
Would you ????
If your husband was a manager and he had a job that fit your hours would you work for him?
I am trying to find a part time job during the day when the kids are in school. I have looked and looked but no luck. I can't work weekends and during the week from 9 to 3 and it tough my down fall is that I haven't worked in like 14 years and alot who I have applied to frown on that and It really hurts (i raised my kids during those 14 years). I am scared about going back to work but we are struggling and I want to contribute anyway I can. So dh has a part time opening at his work that can work me those hours and I have asked him about it but he acts like he don't want me too or if I ask he changes the subject real quick. Then he tells me that as a manger he don't think he can hire family. Well I find out today that the assistant managers Daughter got a job and starts tonight. and it really hurt my feelings that he wont give me a shot or what. I think working down there would help me out alot. I know all the ladies down there. I don't know I think I just give up.
I think it would be a really, REALLY big mistake. I'm at work now, but I'll expand on this later.
I agree with Ginny. Not only is it probably against the rules, but not a good idea all around, especially if your DH doesn't seem to be open to the idea. I don't think it would be healthy for your marriage either.
If your husband has hiring and firing responsibilities, what would happen to your marriage if he fired you? If a customer made a complaint about you and he had to hold a disciplinary hearing? The assistant manager's daughter is a bit different because, push come to shove, it would be the manager (your dh) who would make the firing decision, not the assistant manager. And, if a complaint was made to your husband's supervisor about you, what would that do in terms of your husband's job and work relationship with his supervisor?
And consider, if you were told to do a task you didn't like or want to do, or a task you considered outside of your job description, who would you complain to? DH, of course. And if he agreed that you shouldn't have to do that task, the other employees (especially the one who got assigned to do the task you didn't want to do) would criticize your husband for favoritism. If he didn't agree with you, then that issue would come into your home.
I worked with my (ex) husband at one company, but he was not my supervisor and did not have authority over me. In fact, he was hired after me, when I learned that the company wanted to hire an engineer and told him. Even so, after about 9 months the company decided that even though I was doing my job (which didn't involve working in the same department as my husband) that there were too many comments from other people on my level who thought that because my husband was an engineer, I was getting special treatment. The company decided one of us had to go. It was an easy decision, as his salary was 3-4 times greater than mine - but it still hurt.
Even when I worked at a non-profit agency with very loose rules, when they were looking for a part-time file/copy clerk I would not recommend any of my sons. As it happened, when the person they hired quit suddenly they did ask one of my sons to fill in for a month, and that was a very tricky situation. I really recommend against it.
In general I think it is a mistake for family members to work for/under other family members, especially if the higher level family member has firing authority over the other family member or is responsible for evaluating the supervised family member's job performance (and possible raises). If it is a really big company and they are in totally different departments with different supervisors and reporting responsibilities it's probably OK, but not when one family member "manages" the other. Even if everything goes well in the workplace, there is too much risk of bringing too much work into the home relationship.
Are you looking for a job because your family needs the money, or because you want to be doing something outside the home and want to build/rebuild your work-related skills and resume? If the former, then you'll just have to keep looking. Maybe you can find something at a school - that would fit your hours. If the latter - that you want to be doing something outside the home - look for a volunteer position you can fill, one that will help you to refresh your existing skills and build new skills, so that when you are able to look for a full time job you have recent experience and some recent references to list.
I would NEVER work for my dh.. but i work with him every day. I work "for" my bil but he is not a direct supervisor.. just the owner/CEO of the comapny and there are 3 levels between me and him so he leaves everything up to the vp over when it comes to me or dh (the company only has 45 employees).
I agree with Ginny on this and most people can't believe that I work so closely with my dh and we dont' fight all the time. He is the programmer and I test the software he writes so we literaly work together all day long and I know a lot of couples that have tried it at my work and end up fighting all the time. I actually became his tester after we got together and were living together and we thought long and hard before we decided that it was good for both of us.. since it was a promotion for me.
Also if your dh doesn't seem to think it is a good idea then you should definately not pursue it.. My dh and I met and fell in love at work so it is a bit different and you don't want him to feel like you are intruding (not really the word i am trying to think of) on his "away from the family time".
Does your kids' school need lunchtime supervisors? That would be something that wouldn't take up too much time, and would earn you a little bit of money.
I would NEVER work for my dh. LOL, I just can't image taking orders from my dh all day, or having him tell me what to do. 
I just don't think it would be healthy for your realtionship, and I think it could potentially cause problems for your dh. Like Ginny said, what if he had to discipline you, or (not that it would happen) fire you. What if someone felt he was showing you preferential treatment?
I just think this could open a whole can of worms.
1) I would talk with your dh some more. Get his opinion on what he would like for you to do. I don't think working for him is the best thing.
2) Surely, there are some things you have done in the last 14 yrs that you could use on your resume / applications . Volunteering at school/church/sports teams, seasonal work, classes taken, etc...???
For example, I was a sahm on and off for 14 yrs. The last 9yrs of that I was a full time sahm. However, I still worked very part time (one day per week) at my church for 2 yrs, I worked a part seasonal job, took classes, volunteered, etc...Don't discount anything. Use it to market yourself. Be creative.
3) I agree with Dawn...working part time at the school could be a good option for you. Have you looked into cleaning houses? One of my friends cleaned 2 houses per week and made great money.
Take your time and keep your chin up. Something will work out for you before you know it!
I was in your neck of the woods on my way to Dallas two months ago and I thought about you as I was passing thru.
Honestly I wouldn't work at any job my husband was uncomfortable with. This includes working for him. He should be able to express himself better, but he was giving you all the clues that this won't work well for him. I might say to him, you know honey I am looking for a job, I realize that you don't want me at your company, I am okay with that, and will keep looking elsewhere, BUT...why do you feel that way. He may open up to why it would be hard for him.
My mom worked for my dad, he was the campus admin and she was a teacher. There were always people saying things like she was only there because of him, etc. It really hurt to hear people say that (she was hired 3 years prior to him), but when teachers were fired, they almost always ran my mother's name through the mud trying to make that happen to. She developed ms while teaching so it was always an odd thing.
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