Oh, I so don't want to deal with this
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2008:
Oh, I so don't want to deal with this
I got a call from teenage ds's school today that he'd been acting up in class and doing/saying inappropriate things. These things aren't things we're hearing from him at home, so I checked his computer and found lots of inappropriate sites in his history. So his computer is no longer in his room, which will be a fight in itself, but tough. Now we have to deal with this crap AND the school. We have a meeting Friday morning with the counselor and the principle. *sigh* This just isn't my day. 
sending you hugs... I hope the meeting goes well. good luck
I'm sorry! {{{HUGS}}}
How did it go?? Sending hugs 
I'm sorry. Hope the meeting goes well Friday. (((Hugs)))
How did the meeting go???
The meeting isn't until Friday morning. I did email his counselor a little while ago and he's doing okay so far today.
Last night when he realized his computer was gone he thought it was because of the problems at school. When we explained it was because I'd checked his history and what I'd found he was furious, saying I'd "invaded his privacy." I told him he'd lost his privacy because of what he'd done at school. This morning he was okay. I told him he just has to make it through the school days. He can lose it when he gets home, but he needs to keep it together at school.
I hope we make it until Friday.
He made it through today with no problems and without being walked to the car by an adult. Two days left this week. *sigh*
(((BIG HUGS)))
He has no privacy.. When he is living on his own, paying his own bills, then he has a right to privacy. You are providing him with computer, the electricity, and the Internet connection it is your business. He broke your trust....
{{HUGS}} You know, and I hate to say this, but most kids who have a computer in the privacy of their own room tend to get into things that you're not aware of. Predators are always lurking and never say who they really are. (ie, 15 yr old girl= 42 yr old predator)
It's more of a wake up call to us parents, so just be happy it's not worse??? Does that make sense?
Can you put the computer in a common area in the house and put a monitor on it? There are tons of software out there. Otherwise, it's almost like inviting pedophiles into the home...it's very very scary what can happen! He's a teen but yet still very much a child.
Privacy is one thing, transparency is another...he needs to be transparent from now on. Kids are always looking to the other side of the fence that parents put up, so if the fence is set far away (loose boundaries), they'll look ever farther. If it's close to you (fairly strict and fair boundaries), they will still try to look over that fence but it's not nearly as far. Does that make sense? You know your son the best, but he needs to learn how to respect one's body and others. He has a hand in his own upbringing too, so he needs to set his own boundaries as well. You can't be over his shoulder when he leaves the home, but you'll be just as devastated if this were to happen in the adult realm. How much would this hurt his career if he did it at work?? He would lose his job, respect, and the list goes on and on. (So, be thankful it didn't happen with adult-world consequences.) Kids don't think like that...especially kids in the year 2000. They don't understand that there are *natural consequences* that hurt far worse than any rules a school sets forth.
{{Many hugs}} I'm blabbing off now, but just know that he's not the first teenager to do this, and he won't be the last, but he's *your* teenager and has learned a massive lesson. It's ok to have privacy, but it's not ok to be someone you're not. Use the word "transparent" a lot and that should hit him pretty hard. Boys/Men like their privacy, but when they are somebody one minute and someone else another minute, they aren't even being true to themselves...therefore not transparent. Good luck tomorrow and, remember, I seriously doubt it's the first time they've seen this behavior but let them know what you're doing at home and do let them know that it came as a total shock to you. {{HUGS}} You are a good mom, you are a good mom, you are a good mom!!!
I just bought a product called *SafeKeeper* for $19.99 for our ccmputers...Yes, I am putting it on mine too. lol After you install it on your childs computer they can only go to certain sites. It monitors/records IM's, has a time control (if you allow them 1 hr per day they will not be able to log back on. It works on up to 3 PC's in your home. A christian man at work told me about it. He and his wife had installed it on their own computer so that neither of them could get into trouble online.
I am sorry you are having a tough week. It sounds to me like the school is handling it well. Hopefully he will get done testing them and get settled into a routine soon.
{{{Hugs}}}
He had another good day at school today (according to him). I guess I'll find out tomorrow. He is trying to get kicked out. He knows it, I know it and the teachers know it. In regular school it would have worked. Good thing he's not in regular school. He even told the one teacher he called a name while apologizing he did it so she'd kick him out. She said, "I know."
Thank you all for the advise, support and hugs. I know he's not the first and won't be the last. It's so different now than when my brother's used to sneak Pl@yboys and hide them under their beds, you know?
I'll let you know how tomorrow turns out.
The meeting went well this morning. Both the counselor and principle said he's done great the past two days. They think if they can help him get through the behavioral problems he'll be a great student. They know he was trying to get kicked out. They have changed his electives to an online health class (required to graduate anyway), but they want him to know there will be classes he'll have to take that he doesn't like. At least they're working with him. I told them I appreciate that.
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