How many of you are frustrated with a spouse that drinks at least twice a week and then cannot function past the couch the next day? We have been married almost eighteen years and so you think I would be used to it but I am not. In the beginning I used to drink also, got carried away and after too many times of feeling like crap the next day I stopped drinking, I haven't drank like that in several years. I have a drink that I don't even finish or if I do it's forcing myself to finish it. Now I know that alot of people like to have wine with dinner, a beer now and then, but I don't see the point in drinking so much that all you do the next day is lay on the couch, if you are tired from working or just running around and your just wore out I feel that's a legitimate excuse but to me it's just wasting your time much less your life being that way, I don't want my children to be remembered as the kids whose father was always drinking, it is embarrassing but I don't feel there is much I can do about it. He'll taper off for awhile and then start up again. Does anyone see my point? I hate it so much that I hate him sometimes, and not only that he doesn't see where I should have a problem with him when I tell him that his breath stinks, even though he's brushed his teeth and gargled, it's like it is coming through his pores. Sorry about the rant.

By Conni on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 01:10 pm:

{{{Hugs}}} I have no idea what to say. Hopefully someone will have good advice for you. I just thought I'd let you know that I can relate to some of your thoughts/feelings...

By Debbie on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 03:37 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}

Dh and I are occasional drinkers, but we don't get drunk, especially not drunk enough to not function the next day. So, I don't really have any BTDT advice.

I will say that I think you have every right to be upset, especially if he is doing this in front of your dks. It does not set a very good example. I think having a few drinks in front of your dks is okay. It shows them that you can drink responsibly. However, to get drunk on a regular basis in front of them does not send a good message. And, if your dks are older, I bet they know why he is not functioning the next day.

I am sorry you are going through this.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 03:43 pm:

Anon, I will say what I said to another Anon whose FIL is an alcoholic. Check out AlAnon. Link: AlAnon

Your husband is an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser (which I personally think is just another name for alcoholic}. An alcoholic is any person who cannot stop drinking even when drinking is harmful to his/her relationships. Here is another link you may find helpful: alcholism

Your husband will need help to overcome his problem, but he is the only person who can make that decision. You need help in how to live with his problem and how to decide what you want to do. That's why I so strongly recommend AlAnon - support from people who've been there and lived with what you are living with is tremendously helpful, because they will understand in a way no one else can.

By Anonymous on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 08:47 pm:

I know he's the only one that can make the decision to get help, he will pacifiy me and say that he know's he has to cut down, that short of thing,and he'll slack off a bit but then that only lasts so long. He doesn't understand what I am so upset about, I think he does in a way but he refuses to acknowledge it because he really doesn't want to cut out what he's doing. It's very frustrating, because I believe that one day we will split up and it will be over this. He doesn't see the harm where the kids are concerned, I told him that I don't want the kids friends to remember him as the dad that was always loaded when they came to their house, they think it's sort of normal and that is sad. When he isn't drinking and laying around life isn't bad but when he is it really is upsetting.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 10:25 pm:

I'll say it again - talk to AlAnon. There are thousands of women who have gone through just what you are going through. I know of at least one at Momsview who began communicating with me privately. After many years of getting drunk almost every night, including nights when he was home with the children while she was working night shift, he finally came to see the truth and identified himself as an alcoholic to all of his family (including his mother, who was his main "enabler"). He's been sober since, though it hasn't been easy.

But it doesn't always work that way. I suggest, as strongly as I can, that you need to talk to people who have walked the same road, to help you sort out in your own mind what you want to do, and to help you find ways to protect your children and yourself. It's not easy to talk to strangers about something like this, but remember, if you talk to people at AlAnon, they have been in the same boat and will understand.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, August 10, 2008 - 11:56 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}

DH has the occasional beer or two, but it doesn't affect him, other than making him sleepy when he gets home. He can certainly function the next day. I rarely drink. At a restaurant, the fancy drinks are so expensive. I'd rather spend the money on the food.

By Karen~admin on Monday, August 11, 2008 - 12:42 pm:

There's a huge difference between social drinking/having a beer or glass of wine after work, and alcohol dependance. Many people think that to be an alcoholic, the person must be standing up-falling down drunk all the time. SO not the case. But when you notice a pattern of drinking, and certainly a pattern that affects the other areas of your life, it's certainly time to take a good look at things, because like any addiction, the pattern and affects of using are key.