I just need to vent!!!!
I've been going through this divorce for a year and a half. If it were not for my siblings I would be living in our home without any utilities.
DH has dragged this on for so long. We are not wealthy, middle-class, he has moved on....why does he keep extending the proceedings?
This is what he wanted...he wanted out of our home, live with his gf...
He is still under-paying me what is court ordered.
I don't even care if he reads this...I'm so fed up with the court. It takes so darn long...

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 01:52 am:

I'm sorry. One of my email lists, one gal went through a divorce and it took forever, too, because the ex-husband was being a jerk. I feel for you. (((HUGS)))

By Joy~bundles on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 08:27 am:

{{{HUGS, Annie}}} BTDT with ex-DH wanting out of and then destroying everything we had created and then moving on with his life, but still holding up mine. So frustrating and aggravating. More {{{HUGS}}}. Grrrrrr!!!!

By Debbie on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 09:40 am:

{{{{HUGS}}}} You would think he would bend over backwards for you with all that he did. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Hopefully, there will be an end soon.

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 09:50 am:

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Annie, unfortunately, this is fairly typical behavior for some men - they think the grass is greener elsewhere, decide on a dime they want out, make promises they don't intend to keep, all in the name of *their* happiness. I suspect he has bitten off more than he can chew and is probably getting heat from *her* about how much money he's supposed to be paying you. Something *she* probably didn't fully think about in the beginning when this all seemed so attractive to her......

I am so sorry you are still going through this! I think I'd be calling my lawyer and asking about the time it's taking for these papers to show up. And once they do, nail him to the wall.

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 10:27 am:

Ditto Karen all the way. I'm so sorry about all of this! Get it over with already!! He's been such a jerk to you....{{HUGS}}

By Annie2 on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 10:49 am:

Thanks everyone for letting me vent.
And thank you for your support!
I spoke with the paralegal on Monday and they can not speed up the judge signing the papers. Mind you, this was a hearing my dh called for, based off of my emergency hearing from NOV.! Everything will be retroactive from Nov, though, but now dh is crying poor, so who knows what I will obtain. However, his spending is out of control.
We go to mediation Aug 27th.

By Tarable on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 12:43 pm:

I totally feel your pain.. My ex won't pay me what he is supposed to either..

By Karen~admin on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 02:03 pm:

Well, he can cry poor - if memory serves me correctly, he can cry all he wants. His tax returns/gross income will be the base of his child support payments, and then there is health ins. and other things.

Please - be sure that *if* he is the one to carry the health insurance on the kids, and you end up being the one to pay the co-pays (that is what my divorce settlement was at one point - then my X went through a job change and had no benefits and *I* ended up having to carry health insurance and he didn't help with copays - and I couldn't afford to take him back to court - the *free* legal system in this area is really non-existent) that you get it in writing/in your papers that he must split any major medical/dental copays/expenses with you 50/50 - such as braces, eyeglasses, surgeries/hospital expenses. You have to get that in writing.

Also - his contributon to paying for their higher education - specifically college tuitions. My X and I stupidly did not have college funds for any of the 4 kids, mainly because in the 80's, with 2 teens and 2 toddlers, we simply could not afford it at the time. Fast forward - when it came time for J & J to go to college, X didn't pony up anything at all - except to cosign a loan for Jen, which, amazingly, he is paying off at this time, but that is a recent development.

Just cover your butt. There apparently is no such thing as a *nice or amicable* divorce. The one who wants out makes all the promises and assurances in the world, but when it comes time to deliver, unless it's legal, you really are *******.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 03:06 pm:

More (((HUGS))). Karma..

My sister has been getting a divorce for two years now. The Dh's live in girlfriend is now expecting and he is in an all fired hurry to finish up the divorce process. Lets just say, he is lucky he wasn't married to me.

By Conni on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 03:11 pm:

Hugs Annie!!! Warm, warm hugs... I hope something happens and things progress more quickly for you. I am very proud of you. You are a really strong lady! Hang in there.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 03:13 pm:

Oh and BIL claimed poor at the last hearing. His attorney wanted him to sign the divorce papers, he (BIL) was holding out for my sister to take the second mortgage, and his attorney told him that wasn't going to happen. He fired him the night before they were to go to court. He then appeared in front of the judge and said he couldn't afford a new attorney. He and his current girlfriend both work for the state and make extremely good money. Ironically, he can afford an attorney now. An attorney and a wedding according to what I am hearing. He is still married and planning a wedding for next month, like I said he is LUCKY he isn't married to me..

By Tarable on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 05:25 pm:

Definately make sure to get in writing that he has to pay 50/50 what the insurance doesn't cover for all medical including eyes and teeth and prescriptions. My ex is still trying to say that dental and glasses and prescriptions are not customary medical expenses.. okay he will pay 1/2 of the dr visit but not the meds that are given there.

And if you can get something in writing about college I would definately do that too.. I just wanted out and didn't have anything written out and am regretting it now..

By Annie2 on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 06:33 pm:

I've spoken to my atty about most of your suggestions already, so much of it is in the works.
I just wrote a paragraph but edited it. He may visit here and I have to keep an ace up my sleeve

By Hol on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 - 10:21 pm:

Annie, I am so sorry that you are still going through this. It has been so long and drawn out. Maybe he is afraid to finalize it because he will then have to pay ALL of what he is supposed to pay? I think that Karen is right about the gf giving him grief about what he has to pay you. The bloom will be off that rose before too long. Bet on it! He is such a jerk, and so is she.

Hang in there, kiddo. Hopefully, it will all be over soon and a new chapter of your life will begin. You are a very smart and strong lady. (((HUGS))) to you!!

By Pajamakitty on Sunday, August 3, 2008 - 11:23 am:

Oooh...I feel your pain!!!! My divorce took forever. Then 2 yrs later we tried again, and he left me AGAIN for the same girlfriend!!! They married 2 weeks after he left the 2nd time. Now, a year later, she kicked HIM out and is filing for divorce! He never has paid enough child support. When he's alone, he helps me some, the minute he's with someone else, he's an A**. Get this: he's now sleeping with my daughter's befoe and after school care director!!! Yep, feel your pain. JERKS!!!

By Colette on Sunday, August 3, 2008 - 09:38 pm:

((annie))