Treating Your Kids' Friends to Events
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive July 2008:
Treating Your Kids' Friends to Events
If you invite your child's friend to go with you to the movies or dinner or some other event, and they bring money to cover their cost, do you ever take that money? And then if your child is invited by that same family, do you send money along?
I ask because I recently treated my DD's friend to mini golf and ice cream, but she said she had brought $20 with her (given by her mom I'm sure). I said this was our treat and we left it at that. However, now if my DD is invited by this family somewhere, will they feel compelled to cover the cost for her? Even if I send money along, they will probably feel that they can't use it since I didn't use their money...
This gets complicated based on how much things cost. A friend says that whenever you are invited somewhere, to assume they will pay because they invited you. Is that really true? It seems a bit much and I feel you should at least send your child with money so they can offer it.
What about cases where you would be happy to take your child's friend along, but can't afford it...is there any way to ask them to come, but explain that they have to cover their own way?
I need a lesson in proper protocol!! I can afford mini golf and ice cream for friends every once in a while, but if we're talking several friends or over and over again it adds up! And many events cost way more than mini golf!
Should I have accepted my DD's friend's money and assumed her parents wanted things to be this way and that when my DD was invited places by them know that they had set a precedent and make sure to send money with my DD? Do you think they were setting a precedent or just being nice by sending the money?
I always send money with my kids when they are invited to an outing. Sometimes the parents use it, most often not. Sometimes I let my kid's friends pay for food at the movies but I will pay for their ticket. Sometimes I pay for everything.
Before you invite the friend along, be honest, that you will take them but they have to pay their fare.
Most parents understand that tacking on an extra child or two adds up in the cost of doing something fun.
If we invite a child along, we always pay, even if the child has money on them. But I always send money with my child if they are invited somewhere. Usually the family pays, but I would never assume they would do that. I don't think another family would necessarily feel obligated to pay just because you did especially if you send your child with money to cover the cost. That shows that there is no expectation on your part for them to pay your child's way. If you send your child with money and they turn it down, just accept it as a nice gesture on their part, not as something they did out of debt. LOL, and stop overthinking it. ;)
I always send money with my kids. Wether it gets used or not I like to send it just in case.
I figure if I invite them I am supposed to pay, but I always send $ in case dd needs it when she is out. Most of her friends families work that way too. The only exception is a day of skiing that was pretty expensive so we always pay for our own kid and they do too. I only have one child so that probably plays into how people feel about this.
Many people I know have always said the same thing: "A friend says that whenever you are invited somewhere, to assume they will pay because they invited you."
I think it depends on the situation/persons involved. Someone you are close to would just come out and say whether or not they are treating. Actually, in my area, it's generally assumed among good friends that you each pay your own child's way. But it's not as clear when you are dealing with parents of your child's friend, whom you don't know well.
I always used to send money with my kids too, and on many occasions, they came home with that money. I never felt right about it. LOL On the other hand though, often *I* would pay all or part of the invited child's costs.
The problem with parents who tend to always pay for the child's friend: Some families can afford more expensive entertainment than others, and that is fine, as long as they aren't *keeping tabs*. In my case, Jen was best friends with a little girl whose mom was a nurse and dad was an attorney. They almost always paid for Jen, but I became fairly good friends with this couple, and they knew I was a single parent at the time, so there was never an issue with who pays for what. They would send money with their child, and I frequently would pay for the movie ticket and let the child use the money for her food, etc., or if I could afford it, pay for the entire afternoon. I was usually not in a position very often where I could afford to pay for everything then. But in the past, I've know a few who said things like *I spent $X on so-and-so's child at Six Flags and they only took my child bowling*. Things like that. Don't get me wrong, not ALL are like that.
My feeling is if you WANT to pay for another child, can afford it, etc., then by all means do so, but DON'T do it with the expectation that someone else will spend just as much money on YOUR child. IMO, the very thought, and act of covering the cost of an activity is enough - PERIOD.
I agree 100% with Melanie's reply.
I just had this conversation with a friend. Like melanie and others stated, if I invite i pay, I always send money, etc.
Okay but what if you can't afford it? Well it is all in the invite. When you invite someone you say "I am taking my daughter to a play, the tickets are 10 dollars each, do you think your child would be interested? I can order the tickets and you can pay me back". This is all about communication.
When we invite, I always pay. Now, I also send money when my kids go, but they usually come home with it. My boys have a couple of friends that they hang out with the most. We are actually pretty good friends with their parents. We all agree that things usually even out with them taking our kids places, and us taking theirs.
I always pay. If we could not afford it we would not ask their friends to come along.
I take my girls to Canada's Wonderland almost weekly, and they each get to invite a friend. All of the kids have season's passes, so getting in is covered. All of the parents send spending money, as do I when my kids go with them. If I only have 1 extra, I will normally cover the cost of that child's snacks when buying ours. If I have more or am short on cash, I get them to order their own.
I know that the other parents do the same. We are very open with each other, and don't hesitate to say what we can and can't afford on the days we go.
Well in my exp it is almost always told to you that you need to pay if they aren't going to but I always try to send my kids with enough money to cover them anyway. but that doesn't mean that I expect the other parents to always pay.. especially as the girls get older a lot of times they are doing things with less parental supervision (meaning walking around the mall a few stores ahead of a parent or in a different theater than the other parents or myself) so I would expect that soon it will be more of a each pays for their own type thing because the kids will be paying (probably with the parents money but still coming out of their wallet) and not the adults.
I would never keep tabs on how much I pay compared to another parent I do what I can when we have extra money and if I don't have the money then I ,like Yvonne said, don't invite.
I think that if it is in question I would talk to the other parents because if you feel this way my guess is that they do too.
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