The last few times I was here I shared with you all the problems I was having with my addiction to pain killers. I'm still happy to say that I haven't touched one since July of '07. I'm still currently going to the methadone clinic, but have started weaning myself from that too! Okay, now for the big life changing hurtle! 5 years ago after the birth of my last child my dh and I decided we were finished with having babies so he had a vascetomy. We currently have a 11yr.son, another son who will be 9 in Aug. and a daughter who will be 5 in Aug. Three children is all we really wanted. WELL....I started having problems with my period, they were just not "normal", pregnancy was the LAST thing on my mind. I'll cut to the chase...I'm currently 17 weeks and 3 days pregnant!!!! My dh went back to the hospital and had a sperm check and they said he has many, many sperm! So, we are the tiny 1% of the population that the vascetomy grew back!! That first day of finding out, after the home preg. test I was TERRIFIED!! I did'nt want more babies! The three I have are a hand full, and I just had never regretted the vascetomy. My dh sees this in a different light, he's happy, he feels like it's a extra gift from God. I'm fine with the pregnancy now, it's kinda grew on me LOL. The first thought I had after finding out was "oh my God, I'm taking methadone! Since finding out I've seen 2 different ob's and 1 high risk specialist. Ive also seen the clinic doctor. They have all reassured me that there is no fear of abnormalities when a mother is on this medication, phyical or mental. the only thing is sometimes the baby can be born addicted to the methadone and will need weaned after birth. I'm so so upset for being thrown into this prediciment. I NEVER would have chosen to have a baby while in treatment, ever. So, I've decided to wean myself off the methadone. I was on 65mil. when I found out I was pregnant, I'm now taking 57mil. I'm decreasing my dosage by 2 mil. every week. I wasn't able to start my taper until I was in the second trimester, the doctors told me it was best not to disrupt anything in the first trimester. The day I hit my second trimester I started the taper. I want to be a low as I can possible get before the baby is born, I feel that the lower my dosage the better chance the baby has of being okay and not "addicted". Here is the main issue, there have been cases of women coming off their dose too quickly and it puts the baby into distress and they have miscarrige. So if a taper is attempted the mother has to do it super slowly so they don't have withdraw, if I start feeling like I'm in withdraw I have to stop tapering until my body "catches up" with the drop in medication. So, needless to say, I"m super worried during this pregnancy. I'm also 35 so I"m concidered high risk for age. I've had the triple screen blood test done and it came back fine so that helps a little with the worrying. All I want is a HEALTHY baby, and I'm doing everything I can to make that happen. The first thing I wanted to do was stop the medication completly, but that would have for certain put me and the baby into withdraw and could have caused miscarrige, so that wasn't an option for me. I need your support ladies. I feel so unsure of myself these days. I was trying so hard to better myself and then this gets handed to me. I almost feel like I"m being punished for putting myself into treatment. I will keep in touch....I promise.

By Tarable on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 02:25 pm:

Congratulations!!! I have been wondering where you disappeared to. I know it must be hard to go through all this but I am sure you are doing the right thing.
Always remember we are never dealt anything we can't handle! Even if it means we handle it with help from others.!
Good luck and healthy baby and mommy thoughts coming your way!

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 02:41 pm:

Wow! What a surprise! It sounds like you are doing the right thing, though! You're almost halfway through the pregnancy already! Hang in there! Keeping you in my prayers! Is the gender still a secret?

By Tayjar on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 02:46 pm:

Punished? No way. This is God's way of saying you are a good person and deserve a gift of love for everything you've been through.

I'll keep you in my prayers and keep us updated. Congratulations on both the baby and the recovery.

By Debbie on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 03:56 pm:

Congratulations!!!! I will keep you and the baby in my thoughts and prayers!!

By Dana on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 04:33 pm:

I am so proud of you for the last year of your stepping away from your abuse. I can only imagine the things you must be thinking during a pregnancy. But you are doing all the right things. You aren't going cold turkey. You've told your drs about the pregnancy, you are being monitored. All the right things. And the most wonderful thing I saw in your post was your husband feeling this is a most special gift from God. That is so wonderful that he is so supportive to you thru your struggles this last year and still being by your side. I wish I could just give you a huge bear hug.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 05:39 pm:

Mara,I am so proud of you. And so happy for you.

By Rayelle on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 06:04 pm:

Wow! Talk about a surprise! When exactly is your due date? I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

By Karen~admin on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 06:40 pm:

Mara, hold your head high and be proud! You admitted to yourself you had a problem, you sought help for it, you've been doing really well......continue to decrease your dosage, and continue to be closely monitored. I am sure you are in good hands with your doctors, as they know your situation.

This is a new life for YOUR new life! It truly is a gift! If you ever begin to feel weak, you will look at your precious *surprise* child, and know that this child was sent to you for a reason. A punishment??? NO WAY! It's a reward. :-)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Karen~admin on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 06:41 pm:

BTW - I have been wondering where you were and how you were doing!!

By Annie2 on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 07:19 pm:

Mara, congratulations on your pregnancy and seeking help. I'm very proud of you

By Dramamamma on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 10:16 pm:

Mara, we are about a week apart in our pregnancies. I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts and prayers. Way to go on doing so well in all your accomplishments, I'm very proud of you! Keep up the good work.

And congratulations! I've got one of those "blessing" that you aren't so sure about at the beginning but in the end it all works out. If you need an ear I'm here kikilee 02 at sbcglobaldotnet or I've got an awesome Pregnancy group that is really supportive and helpful if you're interested, it's for babies due in 12/08.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 01:04 am:

Mara, I am very very proud of you for using your name. I am also proud that you are still on your journey to freedom. One day at a time.... In this day and age, the doctors know a lot more about the issues you are addressing than they did years ago, and I am sure they know what to do when. Don't rush things..

Welcome to the 1% failure rate club.. Not joking, the girls were born just a month shy of five years after DH had went through the BIG V. Talk about surprised.. Try finding out at five months pregnant. Then throw in the fact that you are carrying twins. Then lets not forget that I spent the last month (+) on bed rest. Top that all off with the fact that they came a month and a half early... I had a lot to swallow in a very short time, but I did it and you will too..

The girls were a blessing by the way.. They changed me more than I thought I could ever be changed. They are 11 years old now, I couldn't imagine a day with out them and I am very glad that they came into our lives. They are amazing young ladies, my life would be lacking with out them in it.

16 years ago, I was done having children, we had a boy and a girl, perfect.... If anyone asked if I regretted not being able to have more, I quickly told them no. Dillan was getting ready to start school. I was on the cusp of having independent enough children that I was able to sleep through the night, everyone was potty trained, and I had gotten myself a job after staying home for 7 years raising my older two. In the moment it took for the at home PG test to change my whole life plan got rocked to the core. But my life plan wasn't set in stone, and having four is so much more, like I said I wouldn't change a thing..

Besides, the girls are what led me to this site.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 01:11 am:

16 years ago DH had the BIG V, after two kids we were sure we were done. 11(+) years ago, Dillan was getting ready to start school.

By Rayelle on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 07:37 am:

Oh so you are having a december baby!! I couldn't do the math quick enough Congratulations!

By Dandjmom on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 08:48 am:

Congratulations. This is truly a blessing. Everthing happens for a reason. I commend you on your strength. You have shown that you are remarkably strong and you will have a have a blessed and healthy pregnancy/baby.

By Mrsheidi on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 12:30 pm:

Mara, first of all, I'm so proud of you for staying clean!! This is such a gift from God and I will be praying for a healthy pregnancy/birth! Congratulations!!!

By Mara on Thursday, July 10, 2008 - 12:53 pm:

I want to thank all of you! I've sat here reading all your comments and I'm teary eyed. You all really don't know how much it means to me. During this pregnancy I've felt so unsure of myself. I love this unborn baby but I'm still preparing myself for how to handle 4 kids. I know we'll be fine, it's just scary when your not prepared. I'm due Dec.14th. This pregnancy is flying by. Everyone of my other pregnancies were planned. I've never been pregnant unexpectedly. I've had tons of stress this time around. First of all the methadone, that is the number one worry I have, then it is my age and the increase of problems cause of that, then it's because it was unplanned. I think if I was a little younger and not taking any medication I'd be more okay with everything. But, I do agree that everything happens for a reason and this baby is a gift. I'm just real scared. Thanks again for the wonderful words and support.

Mara

By Missbookworm on Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 02:12 pm:

Congratulations Mara! That is such great news! You've come over such a strong hurdle and now God has given you another precious gift.

My partner and I both got it fixed so we couldn't have more children...before we met each other. A lot of the time I find myself wanting to have a baby with him. I've mentioned it to him before and his answer is always the same. We have 5 between us and the youngest is 9 why would you want to start over? Most of the time I don't...but sometimes I think how nice it would be to have another baby and go through all the wonderful firsts and watch them grow. A piece of the both of us which we won't have....*sigh*

Big hugs to you!