My sister is due with her first baby in the fall. Some of you may remember the drama of her big fancy wedding when my mom didn't come to mine, etc. I survived all the wedding stuff. Anyway with her being pregnant I thought we would finally have something in common and maybe be friends. I call her to see how she's doing, we went to yard sales once and I loaned her $20 for some baby stuff she really really wanted (I know it's only $20 but I needed that money and stressed that I needed it and she never gave it back) I've told her she could call me anytime, let me know what's going on etc. Most of the time I call her she sounds irritated. My dad sounds that way too on the phone so I try not to take it personal. I call to ask questions about her too not just the baby stuff and it's like pulling teeth. She never calls me. I give up.

Now my mom's on my case about my giving her a baby shower. Dh has started a new job and it will be a little while until I'm really in a position of giving someone a party. I was stealing from myself and crossing my fingers to do the parties I promised my own kids this year. My sister went nuts ahout her bridal shower, criticizing everything. She was mad that it wasn't her maid of honor's handwriting on the invites, that she got help decorating and invited more people from her husband's family than her own. His family is bigger than ours and it was a very nice party and who tears down a party given for them anyway? Basically, I am not made of money and my sister is a brat and I don't want to hostess a party for her. If she would be someone who would appreciate it at all or be happy than it would be worth figuring something out, but I am being selfish not wanting to give her one? If I don't I'm sure my mom will. Part of me wants to tell my mom I'll help just I don't have much money (to save the peace) and part of me wants to tell mom she's a brat and she's on her own.

By Debbie on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 09:59 am:

I would just say that you don't have the money to host a party, and let it be. This allows you to get out of it without causing a lot of drama. I always try to take the high road, even though it isn't always easy. If you bow out graciously, you are just taking the high road.

It seems like you have a very toxic relationship with your family. Have you thought about just distancing yourself from them? We had to do this with dh's siblings, and gosh our lives are so much better now. We have limited contact with them, and we are just fine with that. We probably see them once a year at Thanksgiving for a few hours, and that is it. Otherwise, I send cards to their kids for birthdays, but no gifts. We do not talk on the phone, etc. We have a very good relationship with dh's parents, and they have been smart enough to not push interaction with dh's siblings. Unfortunatley, we helped one of dh's sisters with money when we first got married. So, we became the people to go to when someone wanted something. I could go on, and on, but I won't. Just something to think about, sometimes you have to ask yourself if a realtionship you have is really worth it.

By Dramamamma on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 11:08 am:

I agree with Debbie on both counts!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 11:56 am:

I agree with Debbie. Further, according to both Emily Post and Miss Manners, it is totally improper for a parent or sibling to host/ess either bridal or baby showers.

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 12:05 pm:

Ditto all of the above!

By Kay on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 12:16 pm:

I don't think there's a thing wrong with siblings hosting showers, but when the relationship is as bad as this, it doesn't make sense to go out on a financial limb for it. I agree with the others - distance yourself!

By Rayelle on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 01:07 pm:

Thanks ladies. I don't know why I struggle with this. Well, it's family so that's why duh lol! I have distanced myself quite a bit. I've accepted my mother and I are NEVER going to be friends and I quit trying to make that happen. She doesn't upset me as much now that I realized that. I talk to her maybe once a week now instead of everyday. I don't think my sister and I will ever be friends either, kind of makes sense since she and my mother are two peas in a pod. I guess even though we all live in the same small town we're going to be Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthday visitors.

By Dramamamma on Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - 02:03 pm:

I don't see a problem with siblings hosting showers either. I hosted my sister's (the other one, not the current one pregnant) and my mom and sisters hosted mine and will probably again. BUT with a situation as Rayelle's I wouldn't either becaue of the relationship.

Rayelle -- it's a shame that things have to be that way but understandable given the circumstances. I think you're wise for distancing yourself, you don't need the aggravation of it all.

By Vicki on Thursday, July 3, 2008 - 09:02 am:

Around here, it is always a sister that hosts the showers. In my case since I don't have a sister, it was my aunts that put it together.

However, I wouldn't feel obligated to do it in your situation either. I don't think you HAVE to do anything just for the sake of how it looks. I would opt out using the I don't have the money to do it right now and let your mom take over!