Birthday party problem
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive July 2008:
Birthday party problem
Well Problem may be a strong word.
I am combing my 2 daughters birthday, Elizabeth will be 9 in July, and Faith 4 in August. Faith really doesnt have any friends(its really not as sad as it seems, but she isnt in school yet). I am inviting my friends 2 boys who she does play with.
Anyways, I thought combining the problem would solve the no friend problem for Faith LOL..She loves to play with her sister and her sisters friends.
This year we decided on Build a bear. Normally the parties are always pool parties in the back yard. Usually its swimming, food, cake, pinata etc..This year we didnt open the pool and Elizabeth really wanted Build a bear. It is probably more money then I wanted to pay, BUT..not cleaning and stressing about people over is the best LOL  ...They dont have a party room, but they have a food court at the mall, and we are going to get the kids Happy Meals and then have Cake all right there.
Ok, Elizabeth has a friend name "M" who she has known for 5 yrs. "M" has a sister "J" who is 3 yrs younger..The problem with this family is, they always think the girls(sisters) should always be together(I really hate that). In the past we have addressed the invites to just "M" and the day of the party both girls arrive...I never have said anything, in reality with a pool party and pizza, its not that big of a deal.I just find it rude.
Well with this Build a bear thing. I am trying to keep it under 8 kids total(Including my 2 girls). So last night me and Elizabeth walked over to her 2 friends house in the neighborhood with invitations. We go to the first house which is her friend "C", chat a bit and on to "M"s house.
"M"s mom comes to the door and says "M" Elizabeths here.. I said we have an invation for "M"So we go in and hand the invitation to "M"..Mom takes it and looks at it and I explain to her, that its a combined party and that Elizabeth gets 3 guests and Faith gets 3 guests, and I named the girls Elizabeth invited.
So all the girls run to the back. I tell the mom(who I am friends with as well)hope those wont cause a problem with "J", as its not our usual party, more money involved, but we wanted something dift this year. She said "oh no, It will be fine"..Anyways, I stay for almost an hour chatting with my friend, then her husband came home, and the 3 of us sat outside talking until after 10. As Im getting ready to leave the mom asks me if its ok, if she pays for "J" to come too, so she can hang out with the kids at the party????
I was shocked she asked me.. I said ok
BUT..what was I suppose to say?
The truth of the matter is "J" is a snotty little girl most of the time. She is the one I babysit for a month at the beginning of the school year.Sure she is not a bad kid, but really not one of my daughters friends.
I came home and told my husband what the mom asked me..UGH...in reality its no big deal, but I find it takes nerve to ask that.
I was trying to be as nice as possible saying each of my girls get to choose 3 friends to bring because of price etc..
What would of you done or said?
When my kids were little, I had a few moms do that, but I also insisted the mother stay. I was not going to be responsible for the child.
I guess though if I was friends with someone in the same situation I might ask too. You said she wasn't invited due to price, she had a solution. At her house it will be easier if they both have bears.
I might of not said anything, let you do your party but brought my youngest and just paid for a bear and hung out. I mean it is a public place and all.
Well, to me it isn't shocking that she would ask if she could pay for her younger dd to come. Think about it... you said you are friends, you explained the reason for not inviting her youngest was cost, and there are going to be younger kids there too. She doesn't know that you think her dd is a brat, right??? So, how would she know you just don't want her there?
Will your friend stay at the party or just drop them off? If this is the problems, then when she asked if her other dd could come. I would have said yes, but it would be nice if you stayed because I will have my hands full looking after the other kids.
Debbie-you make a good point, no Ive never told her , her youngest is a brat LOL..When I did babysit for the youngest, I would mention to the mother about the mean and sarcastic things she would say while she was here.
Unfortunately, the mother is the type, she would not stay. She is the type who likes to be able to get rid of both kids for a few hours when ever possible.
Here is a good example. Elizaebeth and "M" were in girlscouts together. The younger sister was not. At first the parents wanted the younger girl to stay at the meetings..The leader said NO...first this is for Brownies, grade 2nd and 3rd, and that she would need to find a Daisy troop for the youngest.The leader had to explain countless times that the family members are invited to the parties we had at Halloween, Christmas, etc.. I always stayed at each meeting to help out. M's parents were the drop and run, they feel that way about playdates, and birthday parties.
The problem is, Im 99.9% sure the mother will not stay. She has never stayed at any of the other birthday parties we have had. Its always "heres the girls, will be back later".
Now we are friends but we not good friends. I mean we know each other because of the girls. We do chat a lot when we see each other,but we dont hang out other then that.
In the end its no big deal. Its one day, and its a happy day so what will be will be.
"In the end its no big deal. Its one day, and its a happy day so what will be will be."
This is true.. My girls generally are a package deal too. Bit of a difference, they are the same age and have the same friends. However, I have had the sibling of my kids friends dumped on me as if I am a free sitter too. I never had the heart to do that with my own children but whatever I dealt with it. I no longer have to babysit someones little sister because the older sister can't make friends of her own. I did a way with that last summer with the kids that live behind me that I complained about in another post. Won't go back there again, but the parents of my children's friends are not my friends. LOL So I am not concerned of making and issue by just saying NO.
I have had this done before but I quickly nipped it in the bud. She caught you off guard, so what else could you say except for what you did? had you been prepared in case she asked you something like that you could have polietly said of course but I will need you to stay with her because I feel that my hands will be full enough with 8 kids already.
So I am wondering what the other moms think of you asking you now? By maybe saying to her (make it seem/sound like a friend asking a friend) I was wondering, I've been giving it a lot of thought and was wondering that if when you bring M and J would it be possiable for you to stick around and help me out. the thought of me alone with 9 kids(bathroom trips especially with the young ones;etc.) I may be way in over my head. So what you say we make a day of it and hang out at the mall enjoy cake, sites, etc?
maybe someone else can word it better. But I think ti may be worth a try.
Well I did talk to the mother yesterday. She called me and left me a message to call her back. So while I returned the phone call I was given the opportunity to tell her my feelings about it all.
I started by saying I had been thinking about the party and her youngest going. I said if she(mother)wanted to stay and be with her youngest at the party that was fine by me, but did not feel it was in Faith's best interest to have the younger sister there otherwise. I did explain my reasonings. I explained to her how her daughter acts when she sees Faith, turns her back, ignores her, walks away etc.. The mom said she knew their were some problems when I was babysitting her back in Sept, but didnt know it was still happening etc...I try to explain that I do realize kids have quirks and all that, and that my kids are not perfect..BUT...since she has hurt Faith's feelings in the past, it was not fair to Faith. I said with 8 kids at the party and just me and my husband as the only adults in the party, we could not monitor "J"s behavior and whether she was being mean to Faith.
The mom said she understood completely and would have a talk with her daughter. I did say once again at the end, she was only welcome to come if mom stayed too.She did not tell me if she and daughter were coming or not.LOL
I do want to clarify this child is not mean all the time, but enough to make me realize it is not fair to Faith.
Congratulations! You must feel good for standing up for what you felt was right. It's so much easier for us all to be "victims", and just let people do whatever. It's so much harder to find a tactful way to make others see that what they are doing is not a good thing.
I'm glad the other mom was receptive to what you were saying.
Hope you enjoy the party.
Ame
Ame-it did feel good to get that off my chest. Im always afraid of making people mad LOL..but I think I said it in a nice enough fashion. She seemed ok with it all.Now I feel it is up to her to bring her daughter or just stay home with her.
I second that congratulations, I knew it felt good to get it off oyour chest and I do feel that you said it as nicely as you could. You took a stand for Faith and ( she will have a much better time not having to worry about J being mean to her)for yourself as well.
Like Ame said it's much easier for us to be the victims. I was and to some pint as still the same worried if what I was saying or wnated to do was making other people mad, unhappy, or just ticked. I reliezed at the end of the day it's onyl me that is going to make me happy, adn take care of me.
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