Little neighbors keep bugging my kids...mostly a vent
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Little neighbors keep bugging my kids...mostly a vent
I'm going anon on this in case my neighbor finds Momsview.
My kids are 9 and 7, my neighbor kids are like 4 and 5. Quite an age difference. I do understand that kids these ages can and do play just fine together. On vacation my kids played with their 4 and 6 yr old cousins the whole time and had a ball. But my kids just plain don't like these kids.
Every time my kids go outside, these little girls appear and want to play with my kids. My kids do, out of the goodness of their hearts, play with them for a little while and then get bored and leave. They just don't want to play baby dolls or whatever these girls play. So they never want to go into our own backyard because these girls will show up and want to play with them.
Now the girls have started to ring our door bell and ask if they can come out and play. Sometimes they do, just to be nice and sometimes they don't want to. Yesterday the girls rang the door bell and my kids just groaned "mom, we don't want to go out and play with them!" So I answered the door and they asked of the kids could come out. I very sweetly
said : "you know what, they'd rather play inside today"
Little girl : "what are they playing"
Me :"office"
Girl: what's office?"
I explained it to them briefly
little girl: "well can they come out in like 5 minutes?"
Me : "i think they are going to stay inside"
litle girl: "well, my brother has a friend over now and we want to play with friends too"
Me: "maybe later "
(just to get rid of her)
Then today my kids each had a friend over and were in the middle of playing some game when the door bell rang
I answered it again. Here's how it went.
girl: can (kids names) come out and play?"
Me: not today girls, they have friends over"
girl:" how many friends?" (does that matter?)
me: " a few"
girl: "what are the doing?"
smaller girl: "can I have a popsicle?" (what?)
me: "we don't have any popsicles"
smaller girl; " can you check"
smaller girl: "can I see (dd's name)?" "where is she?"
me: she's playing upstairs with her friends"
At this point smaller girl is trying to PUSH my door open to see inside where everyone is. I understand that she is 4 but #1 when my dd was 4 she would NOT be going to peoples houses and knocking on the door and #2 that's just rude to be pushing into the house like that.
After I said goodbye to them and closed the door, about 5 minutes later the doorbell rang again and again and again and she was knocking and knocking. I just ignored it.
These neighbors moved in a year ago and have been annoying from the start. The boy plays catch with his friends in OUR backyard. Hello, use your own yard. We planted a new little evergreen bush in our yard and the tip of it is broken off, i'm sure it's because his basketball hit it. Now there are tire tracks from the little motorized cars the kids ride in. They make me want to scream.
I want to say something to the mom, but then I really don't want to have (more of) a problem with my neighbors.
We are planning on planting a lot of trees on our property line for more privacy and to keep the kids car out of our yard
On weekends and summer vacation my kids and I sleep in late. We had a problem with neighborhood kids ringing the bell as early as 7:00 am! This was because the parents weren't paying attention to the kids and they were off on their own the moment they woke up!
I told them not to come to the front door; if my kids are up and maybe want to play, they will open the garage door.
This policy is now used by everyone in our neighborhood. 
If kids do come to the garage door and my kids do not want to play, I told them to be honest and just say "I don't want to play"...then close the door. If they are being rude at your door by pushing on it, simply say "please do not push on my door, please". I wouldn't even have engaged them in conversation. Stay direct to the point, then close the door. They'll get it....and move on to the next house
The same thing will happen when the kids are outside. Of course, I don't let them exclude anyone, just to be nasty, but kids can play with kids they get along with best.
Sometimes your kids will want to play with these girls, especially when they are playing school lol but they should not feel obligated to play with them.
When you see the boys on your lawn, nicely say that they need to play at their house. Period.
Good luck!
yikes! What are a 4yr old and 6yr old doing outside visiting neighbors unsupervised anyways?
the best thing we ever did with neighbors we didn't care for (actually they are nice but complete slobs) was put up a fence. It was/is one of the best investments we ever did. Good luck!
I had this problem with my neighbor. My kids are 10 and 8, and hers are 7 and 5. Not a big difference between her oldest and my youngest, but my ds just doesn't really like him, and her kids are a package deal. Both of my boys don't want to play with a 5 yr. old all the time.
We have lived in this house for 2 years. Finally this spring, I talked to her. We weren't on the best of terms because of some past incidents with the boys. I have always been neighborly, but we keep our distance. What I didn't get is that she always blames my dks if something happens, maybe because they are older, but then she still sends her boys over here all the time. Why would you want your kids to play with boys who you think are a bad influence on your kids? I just told her very nicely that it has nothing to do with her boys, but there is just a big age difference. My dks don't mind playing with them sometimes, but when they have their older friends over, they don't want to play. I guess she took it okay. I told my boys that if they are outside playing and they come over, they don't have to play with them. It is okay for them to tell them they didn't want to play right now. I guess my neighbor has gotten the hint because she has stopped sending them over here all the time.
For some people, I think they just don't want to make the effort with playdates, etc. It is just easier to send them next door. I make a big effort to arrange playdates, ect with my kids freinds. It takes effort, and work, but it is worth it to me. I have noticed that my neighbor never has kids over to play with her boys. She obviously just doesn't take the time.
I would stop getting into these big discussions with the girls when they knock on your door. I would just say, the girls can't play right now, and close the door. I, personally, would talk to your neighbor. You can do it in a nice, polite way.
Good luck! I will say that it has been really nice since I talked to my neighbor!
Lets see how well I describe this... My house fronts on a main road but my driveway enters off of a side road off of this main road, behind my neighbors house. There is a house two doors down from my driveway, those two houses have back yards that butt up to my back yard.. I have a HUGE yard for living in town, my back yard is as long as my three of my neighbors back yards actually. BUT the second house after my drive way has three girls living in it. An 12 year old my girls go to school with, her 7 and 2 year old sisters. The girls love the 12 year old, play with her at school, etc.. They are not allowed to play with her at home. Her mother insist that she has to bring her 7 and 2 year old sisters with her. The 7 year old is an all out brat (and I do not use that term lightly) and the 2 year old is 2 years old for lords sake. The 7 year old got mad at me last summer and broke two of the windows in my garage, I stood in the kitchen window and watched her do it. What brought about the fit, I told her she could not spend the night here, it was a week night and we have a no week night sleep over rule for anyone that isn't a church kid (the rules are different for them because many NEED a safe place with no notice) I confronted the child calmly, then I walked with her to her house to explain to the mother why I no longer wanted her child at my house, she in turn forbid her 12 year old to play with my girls.. If the 7 year old wasn't allowed over here neither was she.... I put up with her bitting my girls, stay away from her, I put up with her taking small toys, I put up with her bitting holes in every swim toy I bought for the pool, I put up with her foul little mouth and her melt downs when she wasn't the center of attention or getting her way, I even put up with her lying on my children. The girls really like her big sister, and I am generally easy going, things are things and they break. BUT, man, that was my last straw.... They haven't been to our house since. The 12 year old stands in her yard watching her sisters, while mom is in the house, and you can tell she would love nothing more than to play with the girls. But I can't deal with the 7 year old and the 2 year old over here. The 7 year old terrorizes, and I end up being the free babysitter of the 2 year old so that the 12 year old can play....
Just say NO.. Keep saying NO! If they are too small for your children to play with, which they are.. then just say no.....
By the way, I love my fence... It has been a blessing in our case, I can just see the 2 year old wondering over here, if I didn't have it. We have shrubs planted a long the inside of the fence and you can't see into our back yard but through a few areas..
Having a fence would be SO nice! I would be pricing them out right now, but ugh. We can't have them in this development, association rules. :-(
If they come to the door today, i'm just going to tell them not to knock on the door anymore and that if my kids are outside and they want to play with them, they will.
And i'm going to tell me kids that if they ask to play, my kids don't want to, it's o.k. to nicely say no.
If you can't have a fence, I would plant a bunch of Privet's or Hemlock trees. We have a line of Hemlocks between my house and another neighbor and is a nice, thick, natural fence.
I would definitely put up a fast growing shrub/tree along the fence line. We are only allowed to put up a 4", wrought iron fence. We have this, but it doesn't block out anything. We put a fast growing shrub down both sides of our property line. In only 2 years, they have filled in and now block both neighbors. It is great!
what do you do with your pets if you can't have a fence?
That stinks about the no fence... A row of nice thorny bushes?? LOL Just kidding.
Sad the way others impact our lives and we feel "helpless" to stop them. Just say NO..
I don't have a fence, but my dog stays in her yard. I'm always outside with her, when she does her business.
no pets here so I don't have to worry about that!
People in this neighborhood are ALWAY walking their dogs, even when it's -15 out I see people walking the dogs. And it makes me SO happy to not have one! although i do like to enjoy other peoples dogs
I'm going to definitely find some fast growing shrubs!
I feel for you Our neighbor kids are annoying to me. Same thing, everytime my kids are out, the neighbor kids are right here asking if my kids can go play in their yard, or if they can play in ours.
I don't mind them playing together, but EVERY time bugs me. Their parents don't really pay attention to what they are doing.
When we tell the neighbor kids it's time to go home they say "I know" and then just stay longer. Then we tell them again and they say "I know" again. Ugh!
So yesterday my kids agreed to go out and play with the 4 yr old for a while. I just feel bad, she's 4. I have 4 yr old nieces and wouldn't want to make them feel bad, so I told my kids to go out and play with her for a few minutes.
I went into the back yard to read my book, and keep an eye on them.
Before long, my 7 yr old son was walking back into our yard with the 4 yr old holding onto his wrist and wouldn't let go. (she didn't want him to leave) Then finally ds pulled away from her and ran into my house pretty much in tears. I looked at her and said "why is he crying?" she (with her chubby little cheeks, trying to look all sweet) says "i don't know". Ds, through the window, goes "don't listen to her mom, she's lying, she is so BOSSY!" Of course she denied it and said that he was bossy, which is totally not my ds, he's not bossy. If anyone is, its dd. By now ds is crying and all mad, since he didn't want to play with her in the first place. (funny side note, at this point his best friend from across the street shows up and asks to play. He RUNS out the door and across the street with his friend with the biggest smile on his face, LOL it cracked me up. His friend had great timing)
Then dd tells neighbor girl that she is going inside too. Of course neighbor girl kept asking "why?" and dd just made up different excuses instead of saying "because you are a little bossy brat" which is the truth. SO finally dd went inside and neighbor girl got the hint and goes "fine, if nobody will play with me, i'll go home and be by myself"
My guess is that she was being rotten to her brother and sister and a pain to her mom so her mom told her to go outside and play.
Again, my dd would NEVER go out and play outside alone when she was 4. I just started letting them outside by themselves last year! And no, we don't live in a rough neighborhood, but you just never know who is around these days
So we were out all this afternoon at the Farmparks today. We got home at 4:00 ish. Not 5 minutes after we got home, the doorbell rings. I didn't want to deal with it, so I just ignored it. They rang and knocked for at least 5 minutes. No joke. So I finally answered the door. THey asked to play and I just said no. Of course they kept on with the "why"? "can i see her?" etc. etc.
I am hoping that the more I say "no" they will finally get the hint and stop knocking. But I doubt it. Then after I said "no", the little one goes "well, we don't have anyone to play with" (like that's our problem?) I told them to play with each other and the little one goes "NO!"
I know, i need to just tell them not to knock anymore, but today i was just so mad that they had kept knocking and ringing, i wasn't thinking right. :-) ARGH!
I NEVER see the mom. She is always inside the house or not home.
I don't know if any of that made sense, i'm so ticked off that i don't know if what i'm saying makes sense.
well, i forgot to hit anon. oh well.
would you debate and reason this much with your own kids when they weren't listening or cooperating? you are being way too nice.
just say no and close the door.
They sure are persistent! Geez. Doesn't the mom know any other 4 year old kids, that she could play with? It doesn't sound like her mom puts forth much effort in spending time with her kids, like reading, or doing workbooks, or taking them to the park, or stuff like that! What about going to the library. Our library has lots of stuff for preschoolers.
I didn't have the internet, to help me! My kids were 7 and almost 5, before we had the internet. LOL!
(My kids loved doing workbooks, at that age!)
We had issues with our neighbor tonight to.. She stood in her yard yelling at the girls over the shrubs that her dad was going to come over to whoop them because they are mean to his baby. I just happen to be standing at the window and caught the whole thing. Went out before the girls could even speak and told them I needed them in the house. She had the most smuggest smile, with her hands on her hips, as if she had gotten the girls in trouble. I just do not get it... Why is it that in all the houses in this town they have to be my neighbors????
I know, Texannie, I am being to nice. I don't want to be mean to a couple of kids, but I do need to be more forceful.
And no, i'm not that nice to my own kids when they are not cooperating, but they are MY own kids. There is a difference.
Why did they have to move into the house next to MINE?
Today I will not be mrs. nice guy to them.
Texannie, when we lived in ohio there weren't fences, so for pets they all used the invisible underground fences. It was pretty interesting. Some dogs just hung out like normal, some hung out near the edges with the neighbors dogs, but some charged their fence to see if it worked.
on the having play date thing. I don't do them for my kids. It isn't that I am lazy and don't put the effort in. But my kids play well together and we just don't run a schedule well enough to have others over. We are spur of the moment people. So we do have a handful of friends who they call, but mostly my kids go to other places or my kids play with each other. Even with that, I would never send my kid next door to harrass the neigbhors, we just play and if they were outside younger than about age 6, I was ALWAYS out there with them.
You can be nice, but firm. There is nothing rude about politely but firmly saying 'No, they can not play' and closing the door. I am not suggesting you yell at the child at all.
Kaye, I didn't do play dates either and I surely wasn't lazy. I am not implying that anyone is wrong that Patti's neighbor is a lazy mom, the fact that she allows her 4 year old (other children)to run around with out supervision indicates to me that there are clearly issues going on with her parenting. My kids pretty much hung out with a couple of neighbor kids that lived in the cauldisack directly behind our house, and a few that lived down the road, but at 4 years of age none of us were allowing our kids to walk to each others houses unsupervised. We walked over, we stood and had them knock and ask to play. We also supervised any phone calls made to each others houses. These were tools we used to properly teach our kids how to knock at a persons house and how to speak on the phone. The other parents and I had talked about letting them use the phone to invite each other over, during the winter months, and we agreed it was a good time to start the training. However, they were not 4 years old... A 4 year old left to his/her own devices ends up in trouble in no time. They are smart enough to understand how somethings work, but they aren't "conditioned", trained, to deal with issues that may arise, and they have no business being allowed to run around like that, JMHO of course. At four, I would allow my kids on the swing set, right out side my kitchen window, while I made dinner or did the dishes, but I was right there watching.. I might just have been overly protective, but I knew my kids well enough to know that they would wonder or get into something at that age if they weren't supervised. I mean at four, they still hit, bite and want things their way, which means an issue can arise in a minute. It isn't the job of Patti's children, Patti herself, to supervise those kids.. Yet it seems the mother, doesn't care, or take note of the fact that Patti's children being older likely would not want to play with her children. We had a group of pre teen/teens (babysitters, for most of the kids) that lived in our neighborhood, and the young kids were taught to leave them alone. The teens would walk, weather permitting, regularly up and down the road in the evenings. Some times they would ask if the younger kids could walk, ride their bikes, and they would watch them. But the kids were taught not to "bother" them, otherwise.
Patti, I don't know what to suggest... Other than just saying "No" and praying that they get tired of asking. I mean, it is a bit harsh to shut the door on a four year old, but at four reasoning isn't that of an older child and it may take a while to get them to stop.. Maybe you can start a signal for them, like hanging something on the front door if it is okay that they knock, turn it into a game. If this is hanging on the door the kids are wanting to play and it is okay to knock, otherwise the kids are busy. But that isn't going to stop them from wandering over while the kids are outside.. Hmm, tough situation.
I asked Dh last night if it was bad that I was already praying for winter? Winter is quiet around here, because the kids tend to want to stay inside and I don't have to deal with the "7 year old drama". I don't know how we are going to make it through the warm months, with out an issue arising.
Like I said she tried to start things last night, she tends to tell huge lies, twist things, when she tattles to her parents. She will say or do something and tell her parents the girls did it to her. Even if the older two, DH and I are in the yard or at a window when she does something to the girls. Her parents, believe her, and trying to explain to her parent that their child isn't telling the truth tends to put them on the defensive and escalates the situation. Just drives me nuts to think I might have to keep the girls inside most of the summer, it isn't right, but what else can I do when the other parents think their child is perfection on earth. She even plays them when it comes to her older sister (different mothers) too, she lies on her all the time and the 12 year old is always grounded for something she didn't do. There were a couple of times last year that the 12 year old was grounded because the 7 year old did something and told them the 12 year old did it. Clear favoritism goes on in that house. Just a messed up situation all around.. 
Sorry this is a book, this topic just hits too close to home...
Patti, along the lines of Bobbie's suggestion, my old neighbor would use a card in the window so the kids in the neighborhood knew if they could knock or not. Red meant her kids couldn't play, and green meant you could knock. She homeschooled, and didn't have a set schedule. This worked for them, so her dks weren't distracted by the doorbell. Maybe it would work for you. I would think the only problem would be in remembering to change out the card, unless you kept it red all the time
And, I did not in any way mean that all moms who didn't arrange playdates were lazy. I was just making a reference to my neighbor. Her kids don't play well together, and they obviously want friends. From what I can see, she makes no effort to make this happen for her kids.
Personally, I would try and talk to the mom, especially if this continues on a daily basis. Something along the lines of you don't feel comfortable being responsible for her 4 yr. old. Other then that, I think the main thing you can do is keep turning them away in a nice, but firm way. Hopefully, they will soon get the hint.
Bobbie, your situation would drive me nuts. It does seem that there always has to be one problem kids/family in every neighborhood.
I would just say no, but if that's to mean, you could always grab your phone when they come and tell them the kids can't come out and that you are on the phone and can't talk.
LOL Colette... That might not be sending a good message to her own children. LMAO.. Although it is a good "excuse". LOL
I like the card idea, it might give you a little bit of a break... Until they figure out you never change it from red. LOL
There is no talking to the mom next to us, the girls are in a summer program at the local OSU branch and the neighbor apparently is taking summer classes out there. The supposed "adult" gave the girls such a look today that the aid caught it and came over and asked if they were okay and a bunch of other questions on who the lady (used lightly) was. Some people never grow up, I mean seriously, the girls are 11 years old and she is a 30 plus year old woman (used lightly). I don't even acknowledge her children, even when her 7 year old is out there raising cane, I talk directly to my own children and bring them in. Then we talk abut what the girl was doing, what their involvement was and how they are to address the situation in the future inside our house. I don't look at her daughter, or speak to her, I don't correct my children in the yard in front of her, there is no point in it. She is seven and her actions are clearly the behaviors her mother exhibits... Argg, how long until winter, and I love rainy days...
Ditto liking the card idea!
Myself, I just didn't answer the door when mine were young. LOL
The card might work for a week, but once they figure out that it will always be red, they will start knocking again.
I tried not answering the door but they rang and rang and rang and rang and rang, plus I don't think it's a good thing to teach my kids.
I saw the mom yesterday at the pool, but that was not the place to discuss this situation. I never see her outside at home.
The card might give you a bit of a break.. Even if it is short lived.
And yes, you need to think about how this is "looking" to your kids. Making up false excuses to get rid of them, isn't sending a very good message is it? (that would be a question, not a comment) The two wrongs don't make a right, saying keeps popping into my head..
Darn, I wish they were a bit older, it would be easier to tell them nicely to go away and stay away. But at 4, they don't understand that they are annoying to an older child and not their idea of a friend. Tough spot.
You need to be firm, not mean. Answer the door, tell them your kids do not want to play, tell them not to come to the door again. Then close the door.
Tell your kids they can tell the girls, when outside that they do not want to play. If the girls do not leave your yard, have the kids come in and tell you. You then go outside to tell the girls to go home. Period. No discussions, conversations or explanations.
Good luck
I am with Annie. I do not understand why you would even listen to them question you. The answer is "NO---Goodbye"! I would not tolerate my door being knocked on constantly.
ditto to Annie and Yvonne!
Wow, how annoying! Thank goodness we don't have neighbors like that. I've taught my kids NOT to go to other people's houses unless they are invited first.
my kids go to other peoples houses and kids come here looking to play, but they accept no when told.
The kids in our neighborhood, including mine. Will sometimes knock on someone's door, and ask if the kids can play. I don't have a problem with it. When I say my dks can't play, they will just say ok, and leave. The only kids I had problems with were next door. They were young, like your neighbors. But, that has finally stopped. If you say no, your dks can't play, and shut the door, they will soon get the hint. My neighbors finally did. But, I also talked with the mom.
Good luck. I hope this doesn't happen all summer. It would give me a headache!!
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