My family is attending a wedding tomorrow. The woman getting married has been a friend of ours for about 8 years although we have drifted apart some since she moved from next door a couple of years ago. The invitation we received stated "No gifts please." I assume this statement was on all invitations since a mutual friend told me it was on their invitation too.

I feel a little odd about going to the wedding and not taking a gift. I know this is not her first marriage (or his), she is nearing 60 (he's closer to 70), and both she and her dh-to-be will be combining two full houses and they really don't need anything.

Would you honor the request on the invitation and not bring a gift or would you get a gift anyway? I was thinking that maybe we could get a token gift. Just a little something, but then that would be going against their stated wishes on the invitation. What would you do/have you done in a situation like this? I have bought a card, but not a gift and it just doesn't feel right to me.

By Texannie on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 07:33 pm:

No. they said no gifts. How gracious of them to just want their friends to help them celebrate. If you want to do something donate to a charity in their name. Bring a card with you.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 08:28 pm:

Why would you not honor their request? I would bring or send the nicest card I could find, with heart-felt best wishes.

If you really feel badly about no gift, think about what their hobbies or interests are, and give them a gift in a month or two. For example, if they have a garden, a gift card from a garden shop, or if they like movies, a gift certificate to a nice nearby movie theater, or a subscripton to a magazine they would enjoy. But honestly, if what they want is to share their happiness with their friends, that is the best gift you can give them.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 10:30 pm:

Gift cert. to a restaurant...I too would feel weird not bringing a gift. They certainly don't "need" anything, but just state "I know you said no gifts, but please accept this as a continued celebration of this day and let us tag along! We'd love to have dinner with you!"

By Reds9298 on Friday, May 30, 2008 - 11:49 pm:

I would not give a gift.

By Annie2 on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 07:28 am:

I agree with Heidi but would leave it at the continued celebration, etc...I wouldn't add to tag along since you haven't seen her in a while.

By Kaye on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 10:08 am:

Don't bring a gift, write a nice card.

Really.

My dad has been through this. Oh my gosh, they really aren't kidding when you combine the households of two people that age, it is insane. They really need nothing, they are getting all they want by a marriage.

If you feel like you have to do something...take some pictures at the wedding/reception and send those photos to them. Offer your services in setting up, cleaning up, serving cake in general. Do not bring them stuff.

By Texannie on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 11:29 am:

For those who feel the need to bring a gift even though the invitation specifically says 'no gifts', why? You might feel odd, but it's not about you, it's about the bride and groom. In this day of rampant greed (reference the post about the grad check), I think it's so lovely that this couple just wants to celebrate with their friends.

By Eve on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 02:10 pm:

Last year for Sydney's birthday party, I put on the invite "no gifts, please" and it was a big discussion with all the Mom's. LOL One Mom even called and said she didn't understand. So, no, I don't think you need to bring a gift. I agree with a nice card; it would be fine. If you really feel you have to, a gift card.

By Crystal915 on Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 11:28 pm:

A nice card, and a donation to a charity they would appreciate is what I would do.

By Tunnia on Monday, June 2, 2008 - 12:00 pm:

We ended up just giving them the card and it looked like that's what 90% of the other guests did as well with only a few bringing gifts.

Thank you to everyone who responded with their opinions. I appreciated each and every one of them!