Question...

While I was dating I always brought hostess gifts to my husband's (then boyfriend's) family whenever they invited us for dinner, etc. We come from two VERY different backgrounds. I was raised to ALWAYS bring a gift. He never even heard of such a thing until me. This is how his family feels to (the first party we went to his aunt said in front of everyone "What is this??") I basically had to explain the whole meaning of a hostess gift... Boy, did that make me feel stupid...!
Anyway now that we are married is this something I should keep doing? I need an outside opinion because my mom just says "Yes, always!"

Thanks!

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By Kate on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 06:18 pm:

I think it depends. I certainly would not bring a hostess gift to every family dinner. They are your relatives....do YOU expect hostess gifts from your parents and siblings when they come to your house for dinner? I think bringing a gift for every dinner you're invited to within your family is totally unnecessary and puts a lot of pressure on yourself, as well as those receiving as they will then feel they have to.

I think hostess gifts are for dinner parties or more formal occasions, or when you stay overnight as a guest. I also think they are mostly for non relatives. You could always just bring some cookies if you don't want to arrive empty handed, but I do think you're making things harder and more formal if you do.

By Anonymous on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 06:39 pm:

Thanks so much for the input! I think the cookie idea is great!

I should have added that most of his relatives (with the exception of one aunt who lives close to us but we hardly see) lives about 8 hours away. I do not want gifts from them and they do not bring them when they stay at our home. Its just something I was raised to do and I am trying to find out if its ok to break away from that. I am not close with his family at all so it would not be like me going to my sister's house and having dinner (I do not bring gifts for my acutal family). KWIM?

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 06:45 pm:

Well, your husband's family is now your "actual family" too. I agree with Kate - it's a nice thing to do the first time, but I wouldn't after that. If you really, really, want to bring something, call and ask "can I bring something - maybe a dessert or cookies?" and see what they say. I also agree with Kate that if you are invited to someone's home for the first time for a sit-down dinner, it is usually appropriate to bring a gift - a bottle of wine or something that will keep, not something your hostess will feel obligated to put to use for the dinner, as she probably has her menu all planned. That's one reason flowers are not usually a good idea, because it means the hostess has to rummage around and find a vase and then find a place to put the flowers.

I think by and large the practice of hostess gifts has died out in most areas, except, as I said, for sit-down dinners where you are expected to RSVP and not just show up. (RSVPs are, of course, another practice that has died out, sadly.) Now, if you are invited to your husband's boss's home for a dinner, then by all means bring a small hostess gift.